crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction

chapter 18

happy late valentines day!1! was yall single bc i was

i hope you guys got chocolate from your parents bc that would be fun

anyways. hOLy sHiT mAN. we are SO CLOSE to 600 reads. we literally had 500 TWO CHAPTERS AGO i love you guys so much ugh thank you 😭😭😭 skip to the morning i guess???? i dont really know how to pick up from an attempted suicide

edit: i was grounded so this might be 6000 years late but i would like to say that i am absolutely disgusted by what happened in Florida. i'm still in awe at the fact that nikolas cruz had the nerve and the stomach to murder 17 people and injure more. 17 people, some of them kids. it's absolutely terrible and i cannot find the words for how awful it makes me feel. i was born in florida and my cousins would've gone to that school, so it really hit close to home. I am so, so, so sorry to anyone who has been impacted by it.

gus pov

i wake up and see a red eyed bianca just sitting up staring at me. "arent you tired?" i ask. "i'll sleep when im dead," she replies. "what happened last night? i remember some shit but like, how did you get here?" i ask. she raises her eyebrows. "do you really not remember?" she asks gently. i am beyond confused. "i remember the party and taking some drugs and drinking and punching lucas and brooke taking us home but its all pretty fuzzy" i say. isnt that all that happened? "and then she dropped us both here because she needed to take tracy home too. and then you-" she starts but pauses because her voice starts breaking. "you tried to commit." now the memories start flooding back. i remember the sobs racking my body, the cool metal on my hand, the barrel being pressed against my head, my finger moving to the trigger. "and you stopped me?" i ask, eyes wide. she nods. "i'm so sorry," i say. why did i have to put her through that? "YOU'RE sorry?" she asks, almost laughing. "i'm sorry. i can't believe i wasn't there for you," she says, tears in her eyes. 

"until you were," i add

"what do you mean?" she asks. "you werent there for me until you were. and you WERE there when it mattered. now i'm alive. you didnt really need to be there until you were," i explain. "i should've been there the whole time, though," she says, shaking her head. i take her hand. "it's ok. you were there when i really needed you, and that's what counts," i say. she smiles slightly. "im sorry i put you through that," i sigh. "do not  apologize for breaking down. its ok. we all break down every once in awhile. just please dont scare me like that again," she answers. i smile a little bit. "ok," i say. i lay down and pull her close to me, her head resting on my chest. we sit in silence for a few minutes. "i'm not going back to him again," bianca says, breaking the silence. "lucas?" "yeah," "good. if he hurts you again i swear to god i will beat his motherfucking ass," "he isnt worth your time," "but you are," "thats debatable," "it isnt! you are my favorite person in the whole planet and i love you so much it kinda hurts," i exclaim. i see her eyes light up. "really?" she asks. "really," "well, you are my favorite person ever. i am so in loe with you that sometimes, i can't breathe. i am so in love with you that sometimes, i can't sleep. i am so in love with you that whenever i want to hurt myself, i think about how it would make you feel. and you know what? it is my favorite person's birthday today," she says, grinning widely. "oh yea, it is my birthday, isnt it?" i say. "yes it is indeed. what do you wanna do?" 

"i mean, it isnt hard to guess," i shrug.

"you are such a stereotypical horny teen," she laughs, shaking her head. "welp, you asked," i say jokingly. "i never said it was a bad thing," she says. her voice is happy but her eyes are flat. "whats wrong?" "nothing really," she says. her bright eyes could light up the world when she was happy, so it was easy to tell when she wasn't. "thats a lie," i whisper. she rolls her eyes. "its just. i feel... empty. emotionless. of course i am excited that it's your birthday and i am gonna EXPLODE with love for you but like...i dont know. it's like im numb. i dont feel anything," she explains. "is being numb really so bad? i would rather be numb than constantly upset, you know?" i ask. i hope i'm not being too insensitive. "yeah, i guess. its just that this is when it gets really bad. i need to feel something. i need to make myself feel something. anything," she explains. i remember when she first told me about why she cuts. sometimes its because i need to feel something, i get numb. "babygirl, i can make you feel something," i smirk. she raises an eyebrow. "could you, now?" she asks. i nod. her eyes are beginning to gleam again. her fingers find their way up to my hair. 

i think im finna write a lil smut O.o (k or maybe the whole rest of the chapter)

dont kill me please ive never done it before

nObOdY tElL mY mOm

bianca pov

"tell me, ma, could you make me feel something, too?" he asks sweetly. i pull him forwards and kiss him hard in response. he kisses back with the same amount of force and urgency. his tongue slips into my mouth and i feel myself get wet as fuck, like it flipped a switch in my mouth. he was right; he could  make me feel sum. i run my fingers down his neck and down his back. my hands slip under his shirt. peep pulled away from my lips slowly and moved onto my neck and jaw, slowly kissing, sucking, and gently biting. he is gonna leave sooo many hickeys, but i really dont give a shit about that right now. i feel my heart race. my hands rip off his shirt by themselves (not complaining though). his warm back against my cool hands makes me shiver slightly. our lips find their way back to each other. gus's door cracks open slightly. "dammit," he mutters against my lips. we get up without breaking the kiss. he pushes me up against the door, using me to shut it. he places his hands on either side of me. one hand locks the door, the other one supports him as our mouths move in sync. his hands slide under my ass and to the back of my thighs. he lifts me up with ease and i wrap my legs around his hips. my hands are cupping his face and he carries me back to his bed. his fingers move to the bottom of my shirt. they linger there for a second. i nod and smile against his lips. he rips my shirt off quickly. the layers between us are totally unexceptable. his lips crash into mine again. he pulls his hands away from me, just to unbuckle his belt. i slip off his pants with my feet. i wait for a signal that it was ok to slide off his boxers, too. he grins against my mouth. his hands travel to my waistband of my leggings and he gently pulls them off. i automatically feel self conscious of the raised red lines on my thighs from a few days ago. his fingers brush over them, but he seems unphased. he pulls away from my mouth and leaves a line of kisses over my jawline and past my neck. he stops at my collarbone, kissing and sucking gently. his hands move to my hips, where his fingers tug slightly at the hem of my panties. "take them off," i say. god, this boy had me all sorts of fucked up. he continues his trail of kisses, down my stomach and onto my thighs. he plants soft, smooth kisses on the marks i left. he moves up slightly, to my super-fucking-sensitive clit. i let out a soft moan. i can feel him smile against me as he starts to suck slightly. as if i wasnt already turned on enough, he started using his tongue. "jesus christ, gus," i breathe out unsteadily. he laughs slightly. "what? does it feel good?" he asks innocently. "you know da-" i start, but he continues eating me out. i gasp sorta loudly. "you know damn well it feels good," i finally choke out. he begins to use his hands. i throw my head back as he rubs and massages me. i sigh loudly. he stops playing with my pussy just as i am about to reach my climax. then he throws his dick in the mix. he enters me and starts out with long slow strokes, but begins grinding faster. our lips find each other again. he is so hard it kinda hurts, but the pleasure is indescribable. i moan louder than i expected to as i scratch his back. he removes his member and starts fingering me. 

i shiver as i cum all over his fingers.

my knees are so weak, its like they were replaced with jello. peep looks at me sweetly as he licks it off. he is so fucking hot i cant. i go down on him, swirling my tongue around his tip. then i gently ease a bit of him into my mouth, but go back to his tip. "baby, you're such a fucking tease," he groans. i start putting more and more into my mouth each time.eventually, he starts hitting the back of my throat. i can tell he is getting close (why was "my spidey sense is tingling" my first thought after writing that im dead) i start bobbing faster. "holy shit, bianca," he breathes. i start slowing down again, just to build up tension. he throws his head back as i put him fully in my mouth again. he cums and i swallow immediately. "oh my god, ma, you get me so fucked up," he says we pull clothes back on. i put on one of his hoodies instead of my own. i lay my head on his chest. 

"i swear, you're more addicting than drugs."

OK SORRY IF YOURE UNDERAGE IG IDEK

I WASNT PLANNING THAT I JUST KEPT YALL WAITING FOREVER AND I WANTED TO DOSUM SPONTANEOUS AND HERE WE ARE
ARE YOU GUYS OK WIT SMUT??? 

k anyways gimme feedback please i wanna keep doing what you guys like :)

(im sorry)