crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction

chapter 6

ok so im skipping two weeks. lucas is still an asshole. gus and bianca are still going strong. there is a little bit of tension between tracy and brooke. brooke still thinks bianca is 4 years clean. bianca had a little bit of a *problem* this time last year (she would either skip meals or throw them up) and thats why brooke is telling her "not again". gus has been putting together lyrics, but tracy is the only one who really knows. gus only came to school high once this year (congrats). brooke told gus about the *problem*. gus is worried about her, but he is too sweet to say anything. are we all caught up? i think we are. 

bianca pov (just got home from school)

"who is that guy who walks you home every day?" my mom asks as i walk in the door. shit. i forgot she was off today. "he's just....someone," i say. "he's different than all your other 'someone' boys," she says, giving me a look. "what do you mean?" "he is a lot taller and skinnier and he has tattoos and pink hair," "yeah," "is he your boyfriend?" i dont know what to say. i dont know if she will approve of him, but there is no way in hell i am gonna drop him. "yeah, you could say that," i say, wincing as i wait for her reaction. she looks surprised and almost excited. "why didnt you tell me before?" "i thought you might not like him," "just because he has tattoos doesnt mean im gonna hate him." she says as if it was obvious. i feel relieved. i smile and make my way upstairs. 

shits about to go down lmao sorry 

skip to tomorrow after lunch also she drove to school today 

i walk over to my locker and out a piece of gum in my mouth. as im putting away my lunchbox and getting my things ready, i feel someone behind me. i know it isnt peep or tracy, because they are still at lunch. "i swear to god if that's you, lucas," i say. "how'd you know?" "my boyfriend is still at lunch," "speaking of that fag, when are you gonna dump him?" "not soon," "you know, you dont have to settle for him," "i also dont have to settle for you," "dont be a bitch," "dont call me that," "whatever you want, babygirl," "dont ever call me that again. the only person who can call me that is-" "yeah, i know. freakshow is the only one who can call you that," he says, inching closer to me. "get the hell away from me," i say angrily. he shoves in face into mine, our lips colliding. his mouth is cold and bitter. i dont move my mouth with his. this is nothing like peep's kiss. with gus, you can feel the love. with lucas, you can feel the 'i wanna fuck you and forget you'. my eyes shoot open.  i shove him off of me. i see peep out of the corner of my eye. he looks hurt and angry. "what the fuck?!" i yell. lucas looks over at gus. "im sorry, dude. i know we arent friends or anything, but i'd never do a man like that. she just came onto me," lucas falsely explains. gus' eyes widen. "okay," he says to lucas. "that's not-" i start. "dont. you're all the same," gus interrupts. tears well into my eyes. "you're the same as my ex," he says flatly. "peep, please," "fuck you," he says, his voice cracking. ouch. he turns his back and walks away. i turn and look at lucas, who has a snide grin on his face. "wanna pick up where we left off?" he asks. i slap him as hard as i can. harder than my mom used to spank me as a child, harder than he slapped my ass, harder than i slapped his yesterday, harder than i've ever slapped anyone on my life. he stumbles backwards. i grab his face. "fuck off," i say, and throw his head back into the locker. i turn on my heel and walk away from him. "young lady! come to the office, now! " i hear from some 'authority figure'. i keep walking. "i know you heard me!" the same person yells. i roll my eyes and keep walking straight.  i walk through the halls. i see people staring at me, but i dont care. "classes are the other way," i hear someone say to me. i ignore them and keep a blank expression on my face. i push the door open and walk straight out of the school. i walk over to my car and drive home. 

gus pov

i walk out of the cafeteria and see bianca locking lips with some football player. what the hell? was i not good enough? how could she do this to me? she knows damn well she is the only reason i am alive, why would she hurt me like this? her eyes open and she sees me. i stare at them, hoping my pain isnt obvious. "im sorry, dude. i know we arent friends or anything, but id never do a man like that," the guy explains. "she just came onto me." he is alot hotter than you. i would probably cheat too. "thats not-" bianca starts, but i cut her off. "dont. youre all the same," i say. she looks hurt. i feel a pang in my chest, but i keep talking. "youre the same as my ex," i say without any emotion. "peep, please," she pleads. "fuck you," i say, tears threatening to fall. i turn around and start walking away. i hear the rest of their exchange. snide remarks from the guy, slapping, shoving, loud noises, and yelling fill the hallway air. i ignore it all and keep walking.

bianca pov

i change into shorts quickly and grab my blade without second guessing myself. i think about how much gus hated it when i cut myself. well he also hates YOU now. it doesnt matter. you dont matter. i pull the blade across my thighs multiple times, sobs racking my body. i down 4 xanax instead of my prescribed 1 a day. i dont bother to clean out my new wounds, just change into sweatpants. i lay in my bed and shut my eyes. i hope i never open them again.

  why do you have to fuck everything up?