crybaby- Lil Peep fanfiction

chapter 14

LMAOO GUYS I GOT GROUNDED BUT I GOT MY COMPUTER BACK TODAY also i sorta hate the last chapter so plz give me feedback or message me or some shit bc i want to know if i should even bother writing this story, ya know? also listen to Fregend bc OML YES. Let Me Know is amazing!!11!

bianca pov

i woke up with gus next to me on his laptop. we were both fully clothed, thank god. i start to remember the events from yesterday. both peep and tracy beat up lucas. he was pissed last night. i remember him yelling at me and about how worthless i was and how i caused it all. i remember rolling my eyes, only to have my hair yanked. i remember choking down some xans, but i dont remember how many. i remember slipping into a bar (apparently i looked 21) and downing 10 shots of tequila. i remember getting high enough to forget for a little bit. i cannot believe i had to intrude the way i did. "oh, you finally woke up," he says sarcastically. "i'm so-" i start out of habit, but he shoots me a look. "oh yeah, i dont have to apologize to you," i say. he smiles. "are you hungry? thirsty? hungover?" he asks, shutting his computer. "i just have a little headache but its ok," i say. i dont want him to think i'm needy or helpless. he rolls his eyes and reaches over to his nightstand. "here, these will help," he says, handing me two little blue pills. "its ibuprofen," he specifies as he hands me a water bottle. "do you remember what happened?" he asks. "partly. i remember leaving his house. i remember taking pills and smoking and drinking. i dont remember how i got here though," "you were stumbling around and you came up to the roof with me. you were crying. you said he hit you and when i asked where, you showed me marks. and then you almost fell asleep with your head on my chest." his tone started out serious, but at the end he was smiling softly. "im so- wait no, thank you for letting me stay here," i correct myself. gus grins a little wider. "there ya go," he says. i feel myself smile a little bit. "does anyone even know i'm here?" i ask out of nowhere. "my mom heard us come in," he shrugs. "ugh, now she's finna hate me. what a fantastic first impression! coming into your room through the window in the middle of the night," i say sarcastically. "truss me, she'll love you," gus smiles again. "you're so smiley today," i tease. he shrugs, still smiling. we fall silent, but i can feel his eyes on me. "why do you always look at me like that?" i ask. "havemt i answered that before?" "i want a real answer," "you're really pretty," "i am not," "dont say things like that," "why? its true," "did your exes let you talk about yourself that way?" "i mean, yeah. they didnt care as much as you do. thats why i think it's so weird, i guess." his jaw drops. "seriously?" "seriously." we fall silent again. "you know, my mom is probably gonna ask some-uh-questions about last night when she sees you. you can talk to her alone or i could talk for you or-" he starts nervously. "its ok, gus. if she really wants to know, i'll tell her," i say calmly. "why are you more relaxed than me?" "i think i took a lot of xans last night."

skip to when theyre talking to gus's mom

gus pov

"peep, why was she here so late?" mom asks me. i shoot bianca a look. "she was, uh, hurt," i decide on. mom looks concerned. "what happened?" i dont know how to respond to that. i look at bianca for help. i dont know how much she wants to share or how ready she is to share it. "a guy happened," she sighs. "so it was emotional pain?" "no. i mean, yes, but thats not why i came here," she says. mom looks crushed and she doesnt even know her. "did he, umm, hit you?" bianca nods slightly. mom looks as if she might cry. i feel like i  might cry. this poor girl. how was she able to stay so strong? "she came here for my help and i didnt want her walking home alone, so i asked her to spend the night," i explain. mom nods. "hon,  you are welcome to come whenever you want. especially if that boy touches you again," mom says, nodding. bianca nods as well. i feel so bad for her. why and how could lucas break such a perfect soul? i cant help but think about where i was in all on this: somewhere else. i was always high off of something while she dated him. i think about the rumors that will be spread about her. that poor, poor girl. 

bianca is staying at gus's house bc he doesnt want her alone and she is scared and shit so just roll with it i guess. liza went to work. skip to them in gus's room.

bianca sinks into my tattooed arms as we watch scooby doo. she had always been on the smaller side with soft curves, but her frame seemed even smaller than normal. "have you been eating?" i ask gently. "yes," "how much?" "too much," she grumbles. i sigh. "i'm sorry," she whispers. "babygirl, you don't have to apologize for your feelings. i just wish you respected yourself more," i say sweetly. goosebumps cover her body. "me too. i wish i had more self-respect too," she says with a cool smile. "you know, when i was little, i used to dance," she says after a few minutes, breaking the silence. "you did?" i say, smiling. "yeah," she shrugs. "i'm thinking about getting back into it." "was it fun?" "sorta. it depends on the kind of dance," "there are multiple kinds?" "yes, you uncultured swine," she jokes. (not gonna lie i call people that on a day-to-day basis) "there's ballet, which everyone knows about. next you have jazz. that's pretty fast and happy, thats a fun one. then there's hip-hop. that was pretty fun, too. lyrical is pretty. my favorite was always contemporary, though," she shrugs. "you should get into it again," i say. "yeah. maybe it'll help with how crazy i am," she says, only half joking. "you arent crazy," "only crazies slit their wrists," she states. "wrists again?" "only once or twice," "why?" "wrists were sorta as a 'fuck you' to lucas, because he said the scars on my wrists were ugly," she says, smiling softly. "thighs?" i ask. her small smile drops. her gaze falls to the floor. "sometimes i wanted to hurt myself back for hurting you. sometimes it's because i need to feel something, i get numb. sometimes it's just to control something in my life," she says quietly. she seems ashamed of herself. "you aren't crazy," i tell her. she looks up at me, her lemon-lime eyes shining. 

"only crazies cut themselves."

k so this chapter was a piece of actual shit? i sorta hate it lol. sorry i didnt update for like a week and a half? i was grounded because of my FUCKING GRADES and my FUCKING TEACHER doesnt understand how to hit 5 BUTTONS AND MAKE ME NOT HAVE A 53!!1!!1! so ya know that was fun. i made ya'll wait n now you have a shitty chapter i feel so bad. lemme know if its just me saying its shitty or if its actually alright.