Evie's Job

Epilogue 4: Evie

Evie stayed at work until after seven, assuming it wasn’t the best day to be seen leaving early. She didn’t hear from Natalie again, but wasn’t really expecting to, so she wasn’t too alarmed.

She went home, and warmed a frozen packet dinner, and drank some of Natalie’s expensive wine without really tasting it or knowing what it was. She felt a little strange. Happy and relieved and miserable, all at the same time. She tried watching TV, but found she couldn’t concentrate, so she switched it off again. Oddly, after the day she’d just had, she actually felt like working. She’d feel better if she was distracted by work, she thought, and she’d also feel better if she was sitting in the kitchen. She would feel comfortable and safe, like she had been a year ago, when she was studying for her exams and things like mass-redundancies didn’t happen.

She wasn’t really sure what else to do, so in the end she did that. She went and sat at the kitchen table and sipped wine and read papers from work.

Natalie got home about ten. She put her briefcase down and took off her jacket and came over and kissed Evie. She didn’t say anything, just kissed Evie and then sat down. She looked exhausted.

Evie went and got a second glass from a cupboard. She poured wine, and pushed the glass over to Natalie.

“Thank you,” Natalie said, and drank a little.

“Are you okay?” Evie said. “You look a bit shattered.”

“I’m all right. Are you?”

“I got a fright,” Evie said. “That’s all. Not knowing whether I’d get to stay or not. It wasn’t much fun”

“Yes,” Natalie said. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t say anything to you.”

“I know.”

“I couldn’t. I would have, but…”

“We aren’t like that?”

“Well, yes,” Natalie said, and sipped her wine.

It was true, Evie thought. She’d been thinking about it off and on all day. Natalie could have told her, it would have been the easiest thing in the world for Natalie to do, but she didn’t, and wouldn’t have, because Evie had made it clear she didn’t want any special help. Evie had always insisted on that, so Natalie would have had no reason to think Evie wanted her to do anything different now.

“It’s fine,” Evie said. “I understand.”

Natalie nodded. “Thank you.”

They sat a little longer.

“And anyway,” Evie said. “I worked it out on my own.” For some reason she wanted Natalie to know that she had. “I came up to see you, and you weren’t there.”

Natalie seemed confused. “I’m often not…”

“And none of the either partners were either.”

“Oh,” Natalie said. “Yes, of course.”

“I didn’t say anything to anyone,” Evie said. “I just waited.”

“Thank you,” Natalie said. “For that, too.”

Evie shrugged.

Natalie leaned over, and kissed her again, and then drank a little more wine. “Sorry about coming downstairs,” she said. “Almost coming downstairs. That would have made things awkward, but I was worried about you and didn’t really think.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I didn’t either until Rachel said you were on the way.”

“How was it, down there?”

“Awful,” Evie said, then hesitated. “Um, are you asking as my girlfriend or as my boss?”

“I’m not your boss.”

“You know what I mean,” Evie said.

“As one of the people who did it to them?”

Evie looked at Natalie, and wasn’t quite sure what to make of that. She wasn’t sure if Natalie wanted the truth, or simply reassurance. Natalie almost seemed guilty, Evie thought, which seemed a little odd, because she must have had to make decisions like this before. Perhaps it was because this time Evie had been involved.

“Honestly?” Evie said.

“Yes.”

“It wasn’t good,” Evie said. “It was kind of disruptive. Was that really the best way to do it?”

“The consultants said it was. That it was better all at once, without any warning, and just getting it done. Instead of making announcements and then leaving people worrying for weeks.”

“Oh,” Evie said. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“We thought it made sense.”

“Oh, it makes sense. I get it completely. It makes a lot of sense, right up until you’re in stuck the middle of it.”

Natalie nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Evie sat there, looking at her wine. “I didn’t know if I was going or not,” she said. “That scared me a little.”

“I’m sorry,” Natalie said again.

“I was really scared.”

“You shouldn’t have been. You were always going to be all right. I couldn’t tell you, but you were.”

“Because of you?”

“No.”

“Promise me?” Evie said.

“That I didn’t interfere?”

“That it was fair, I suppose. That I got through it on my own, because I’m a good lawyer and I work hard.” She was thinking about Nigel. For some reason it mattered to her that what she’d said to him had actually been right. It would be awful to be cruel, and also wrong. “Promise me it wasn’t just you.”

“I didn’t,” Natalie said. “It wasn’t. I promise.”

“And no-one else did either? No-one I’ve met? No-one who knows you?”

“Not as far as I know,” Natalie said.

Evie looked up, suddenly wary. That was a very careful, very lawyer answer. Evie looked at Natalie, and wondered if she should point that out.

Natalie not knowing didn’t mean Natalie didn’t assume. It didn’t mean she hadn’t got her suspicions. Natalie might take it for granted that people had sat in a room with a list and looked at each other and said, no, not Evie, and then made certain Natalie never found out. Or Natalie might have left a meeting just as the name on a list right above Evie’s was being considered, and then come back in as they discussed the name below Evie’s, and not asked what had happened in between or why. There were a lot of reasons why as far as Natalie knew wasn’t nearly the same thing as no, and Evie suddenly wasn’t sure she cared. Not any more. Not after all this had all happened. She really didn’t care what Natalie had done, and what Natalie knew. It just wasn’t important, any more.

She leaned over, and kissed Natalie. A proper kiss, for half a minute, with her mouth open, breathing, tasting wine.

“What’s that for?” Natalie said, when Evie stopped.

Evie shrugged. “Don’t know. Just because.”