Evie's Job

100: Evie

Evie spent the rest of the day worrying, even though she’d told Natalie she wouldn’t. She was distracted and anxious, unable to stop thinking about Meredith, unable to do anything useful at all. She tried to make herself study. Her exams were only weeks away, and she needed every moment of study she had left to her. She tried to make herself study, but didn’t seem able to concentrate enough to manage to, so mostly, instead, she just sat in the kitchen and smoked.

It was a frustrating way to spend the day.

After a while, she turned on the TV, hoping to distract herself with some noise. It worked, but too well. She kept noticing what was on, and becoming just interested enough to forget what she was studying. She ended up stuck halfway between watching properly and not watching at all. She was paying too little attention to be lost in the shows, but too much to concentrate and actually read. She wasn’t being very productive, and she kept getting bored with the TV too. Bored was very bad. It left her mind unoccupied, and free to start worrying again. Bored wasn’t what she needed right then.

She was too anxious, she decided. She needed to do something else, something that either held her full attention, or none of it at all. She switched off the TV and went over to the window, taking the book she was meant to be reading with her. She stared out at the view, and felt a little happier, even though she wasn’t actually reading there, either. She was watching the harbour instead. Watching the ferries far away and far below, and the clouds above the city, and the tiny, moving, brightly-coloured dots that were runners on the paths along the waterfront. The runners kept catching her eye, visible even at that distance because the brightness of their running clothes stood out. She should go for a run, Evie thought, like Natalie probably would do if she was worrying about something. She should, she thought, but she didn’t actually run, so all she’d achieve was to make herself sore and sweaty, and she’d probably keep on worrying anyway.

She stood at the window, and looked at the sky, and eventually just gave up and smoked a little weed. She’d been trying to smoke less, especially at Natalie’s, since Natalie was worried about legal complications and had asked her to be careful with it around the house. Evie hadn’t been as often, but she needed it now, and it felt okay that she did since it was almost an emergency, and the only thing that might calm her down.

It did. It worked. Afterwards, she didn’t feel nervous, and was able to concentrate properly too. Well enough that by smoking every few hours she was able to get through the rest of the day. She kept reading, and was almost studying properly, and remembering what she read too. Enough it wasn’t a completely wasted day, at least, which was all she could really hope for.

She stayed at the kitchen table, sitting in front her books, until Natalie came home about seven. She was concentrating hard enough by then that she jumped when she heard Natalie’s key in the outside of the door.

Evie got up, and pulled the door open while Natalie was still opening it from the other side. “What did Meredith say?” Evie said, without waiting to say hello.

“Hi,” Natalie said.

“Hey. What did Meredith say?”

“I’m sorry,” Natalie said, still in the outside hallway. “Nothing yet.”

“She didn’t say anything?” Evie said, alarmed.

Natalie came inside, and kissed Evie. “She hasn’t returned my call, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Evie said. “Yeah, of course.”

“Are you all right?”

Evie nodded. Natalie seemed tired. She often did when she first got home. She was tired, and probably couldn’t be bothered dealing with Meredith and Evie’s problems, but she looked at Evie carefully anyway. “Really?” she said.

Evie nodded, even though it wasn’t completely true. “Yep,” she said. “I’m fine now. Thank you for before, though. That was sweet.”

“You’re sure you’re all right?” Natalie said again.

“I am,” Evie said.

Natalie nodded, and seemed satisfied with that, although she might just be letting herself believe what suited her. She kissed Evie again. “Meredith’ll call,” she said. “Maybe tonight.” She closed the front door, and went to the bedroom to change.

“Maybe,” Evie called.

“It’ll be all right,” Natalie called back. “I’ll make it all right, I promise.”

“Thank you,” Evie shouted.

“That’s fine.”

“Stop talking about it now though, okay?” Evie called.

Natalie looked out into the hall, back at Evie. “Why?” she said.

“I need to study.”

“Yes, of course,” Natalie said, and went back into the bedroom.

That seemed to be the end of it. Natalie seemed to accept that Evie was coping, and Evie pretended to be coping too. She acted calmly, and didn’t mention Meredith again, but she still jumped whenever she head anything that sounded like a phone ringing. Like Natalie’s computer getting email, and the microwave binging as it finished cooking. The apartment phone rung just after eight, and even though it was only a telemarketer, Evie decided she’d had enough. She could wait to find out what Meredith would do, she decided, if it meant getting a little peace. She switched off all the phones, Natalie’s too. Meredith could leave a message if she wanted to.

It was the right thing to do. It actually helped. More than Evie would have thought it would. After that she relaxed a little, and concentrated on her reading, and later, she also managed to sleep.

She went to her lectures the next day, and was nervous again. She almost expected to be stopped at the front gates and banned from the law programme. She was on edge at she sat down in her lecture, and her anxiety must have been obvious. “Are you okay?” Lizzy said.

“No.”

A door slammed at the back of the room, and Evie almost leapt up and ran out. Lizzy said something about her being so jumpy and paranoid, and asked if Evie was smoking too much weed.

“Leave me alone,” Evie snapped, and Lizzy just hugged her.

“Oh,” Evie said, after a moment. “Thank you.”

Later, after the lecture, on four separate occasions as she left, people Evie had barely spoken to before stopped her and asked how she knew Meredith. Confused, Evie kept saying she didn’t actually know Meredith, because she didn’t know what else to say. Each person seemed disappointed, almost let down. It seemed as if Meredith might to be useful for her networking, Evie thought, even if not for her actual life and career.