Evie's Job

24: Evie

Evie had intended to stop talking about money and leave Natalie alone, but their conversation had started her thinking. She began considering money, too, the money Natalie was giving her. Suddenly she was thinking about how much she was being paid. About how much money she’d asked Natalie for, and what she was worth, and whether it ought to be more.

Suddenly she was thinking about the price she’d put on herself, and wondering if it was enough.

The amount they’d decided on, and the way they’d decided, had really been quite arbitrary. A little part of Evie wanted to know exactly how much she was worth, and she couldn’t see the harm in asking. Knowing was part of this for her. Knowing meant she could feel as much of this experience as possible. She wanted to know if Natalie would have paid more, if Evie had happened to ask. She needed to know, just so she did, just to feel smug.

“So,” Evie said. “Does all that mean you’d actually pay more, if I wanted you to?”

She thought she’d said it very clearly. She thought it obvious she was curious, nothing more, and wasn’t actually asking for more money. She thought that was plain, but Natalie didn’t seem to take it that way.

Natalie didn’t take it well at all.

She looked at Evie, her face suddenly cold, as though Evie had done something wrong.

“What does that mean?” Natalie said sharply.

Evie looked back, surprised. She didn’t know why Natalie suddenly sounded so angry. It wasn’t talking about Natalie’s salary, which was what Natalie had asked her to stop discussing.

“It means nothing,” Evie said, after a moment. “Nothing much. I just wondered if you’d have paid more if I’d asked you to?”

“I don’t know,” Natalie said. “Would you have taken less?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You’re asking for more. I’m asking if you’d take less.”

“I’m not asking for more. I asking if you would have paid more, if I had asked you to. Which I didn’t.”

“And that distinction is terribly important.”

“Yeah,” Evie said, surprised. “It is. Are you upset?”

Natalie shrugged.

“Why?” Evie said, and Natalie didn’t answer.

Natalie was annoyed, Evie slowly realized. Natalie actually thought Evie was bargaining. She thought Evie was demanding more money, and Evie didn’t quite know what to say.

Evie began to get annoyed too.

If Natalie was going to be angry, then Evie was as well. At Natalie, for making the assumption she just had. For thinking the worst of Evie, for assuming Evie was trying to renegotiate, instead of simply asking why Evie cared. They’d been talking as friends, Evie had thought, talking about something they were sharing. Both had been talking to the only other person they could about what they were doing, but now, suddenly, they weren’t. Suddenly Natalie was upset, and this was about money, because suddenly Natalie was assuming. Suddenly Natalie was thinking something quite bad about Evie, that Evie would change her mind halfway through their deal.

It shouldn’t be Natalie who was upset, Evie decided, it should be Evie. Evie was the one being suspected of being so cold-hearted as to change their agreement after it was made.

Natalie had nothing to be upset about, but Evie did, and suddenly Evie was angry.

She put down her glass. She looked at Natalie, and suddenly this mattered. Suddenly, Evie felt stubborn. She didn’t want to explain why she’d asked, not until she knew what Natalie was thinking, and she didn’t want to back down either, because if she backed down once, to someone like Natalie, she’d probably never stop.