My attempts one shots and imagines (Open)

I'm sorry I triggered (Calum Hood)

I must warn you that yes it is about self harm and may cause triggering

Based on the song The Way She Feels by Between The Trees >>>>>>>> Song on the side

Stay Strong for me x

*Y/N's POV*

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I repeat over and over in my head after coming home from school, or should I say Hell? Why not? It's not like anyone cares how I see things, I'm just a stupid, worthless bitch who can't do anything right.

...I just want it to end.

My hands shake as I pull open my drawers, digging deep through the piles, my fingers clasp themselves around a small box that will never be seen by another person. Like my own little secret. I quickly wipe my tears with my sleeve, feeling the torturing friction on my previous sins, I collapse to the floor. The urge controlling me now. Holding the box in my hand for a few moments, I strangely smile and stop the flow of tears. This is a happy time, escaping doesn't need tears. I open the box, two earrings, they were my grandmothers but they're not what i'm here for. I lift the sponge, my heart stops, blankness is all i see. It's empty. It's gone. Where? Where is it?!

I knew the answer.

"CALUM?" I stomp out of my bedroom and down the kitchen where my room-mate/best friend was eating cereal.

"Oh hey Y/N, you want some?" A smirk plastering his face. How did he find out? I was careful I was so very careful, no-one was meant to know.

"You went in my room?" I whisper, the anger slowly disappearing. I didn't want to be quiet, I wanted to be screaming at him. Questioning who he thinks he is to deny me my right but it didn't happen. I've become to good at hiding everything around people.

"What makes you ask that?" He's toying with you, he thinks you're stupid enough to admit it.

"Nothing. Anyway, don't you have work in like 15 minutes?" Normal. I can do normal.

"Oh crap yeah, I better get going." He shovelled another spoonful into his mouth and flung his coat around himself. "I'll see you later Y/N, right?" He pulled me into a hug but wouldn't release me until I replied.

"Of course." I laugh it of, like it was no big deal. The door shut and i genuinely thought it could finally be over.

The truth was, i'd thought about suicide. So many times, so many drafts had been drawn but there was one thing that stopped me. Him. He was my best friend, i couldn't leave him. Yes, my life felt shit sometimes but he always had a way of making it slightly less shit even for a little while. I couldn't leave him here, with all these dreadful people, they'd ruin him...but I already have. I saw how he was when he found out that Ashton self harmed, he wouldn't leave him alone for 5 days, it was a bit creepy in the bathroom...so why wasn't he like this with me? He'd obviously found out.

He doesn't care about you. That's why.

I didn't want to believe it but it was all i was being told, there was no other explanation for me. Calum didn't care, he hated me. He didn't care if i hurt myself, it'd benefit him. One less trouble to deal with. I'm probably his only trouble. I don't blame him, i would want to leave me to rot too. The tears came again and i began to choose my weapon from the cuttlery draw. Proud of the choice i made i head back upstairs, into my bedroom.