Crazy Baby

Chapter 9; Kim Seokjin

     Flashback age ten

     "Jinnie...eomma has to go out for a while, ok? Can you be a big boy for me and behave?" Eomma kisses my head before sighing and slipping away. No! Don't leave me! Appa will get me!
     Tears stain my face but I try to stay strong for her as I pull my blankets up to my chin and hold back sobs. It's not long until I hear the familiar footsteps stomping towards my room. Appa peaks his head inside with a look of disgust. He hates me.
     "Such a little mama's boy, huh? How about making yourself useful and being daddy's little girl? God, you were meant to be a girl-look at you!" He hisses and jerks my covers away before climbing on top of me.
    A sob catches in my throat as his nasty lips touch my skin. I just want to die. I hate this. I hate him! I hate eomma for leaving me with this! Does she hate me too? Does she know how much he hurts me! Doesn't she notice the bruises and marks on my body when she helps me bathe!
     "A-appa..." I cry uselessly. He only smiles when I cry. He likes it. "P-please don't hurt me..."
     He scoffs. "I'm not here to hurt you, sweet thing. You know you're much prettier than your eomma? I don't even know where you got this beauty from." He snorts. "You're probably not even mine. Do you know where you eomma goes at night so we have this great alone time? She goes out to fuck other men. She's a whore. Just like you." He spits.
    Suddenly he grabs me by the throat before pushing his gross tongue into my mouth. I gag on my tears and saliva as he forcible strips me naked and does despicable things to me before shoving his way inside me. It hurts, god it hurts so bad. He muffles my screams by covering my face with a pillow and I think I'm going to die from lack of air.
     Just before I pass out, though, he removes the pillow and leaves me alone, hurting, scared, and dirty. I hate him! I hate her! I hate me! Why did I have to be born like this?! Why do I deserve this?!
     Eventually I pass out but awaken when I hear screaming. I sit upright in bed and slowly slide out of the covers, whimpering and limping as I silently put my clothes back on. My butt hurts so bad as well as the bruises decorating my arms and legs.
     I creep to the door and crack it to hear eomma and appa fighting. He calls her horrible names while she screams at him how useless he is and an evil man. He just laughs and I can hear him hitting her. Evil. That's what this house is-pure evil.
     I stand frozen in place as they stay like that for hours just fighting and hitting and swearing. Did they forget I'm here or do they just not care anymore?
      After a while exhaustion wins over me and I slowly clamber back to bed and fall asleep to the sound of my new lullaby. It soon becomes the only thing I can sleep to as they start a repeating cycle.

  
      Present.

     "Jin? Do you know how your parents died?" Daddy asks me quietly.
     I don't want to think about them. They were bad. It's over now. I ignore his questions and just focus on my coloring. Why did daddy stop touching me? Does he not want me anymore? Was I not good enough? Appa never stopped...I don't understand.
     Daddy moves to sit beside me, staring at me intently while I just color like my life depends on it. I can't tell. I can't tell. I can't tell. No....
      Then it hits me. Daddy's bad, too. I forgot. He's evil, too. Not like appa but he hurts people badly. He just doesn't know that when they scream down in the basement...I sleep much better. Or when daddy holds and cuddles me. I just hope I don't end up in the basement soon enough.
     I know he'll get sick of me eventually and take me there. I've accepted it but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy my time up here. With daddy. He cares for me and really doesn't hurt me anymore unless I've been a bad boy.
    
 

     When I'm done coloring, I give him the picture happily and he takes it before scooping me up into his arms and carrying me back to his bed. I snuggle under the covers while he goes to shower before slipping into bed beside me.
     His arms are warm around me and as stupid as it is-I feel safe. He's strong enough to protect me. Not like appa...he wasn't strong at all. Neither was eomma. Both were weak in the end.
     "Jin? You can't deny it forever. I know you know how they died. You have to tell me eventually. I won't stop asking." He warns behind me.
     I close my eyes and nod. For now, though, before everything turns evil and dark...I just want to stay like this with daddy. Protected and wanted. Maybe not loved. I'm quite unloveable, I think. But I know he wants me at least. Or he wouldn't have taken me away.
     I miss my friends but I know I'll never see them again. It's fine. They're better off without a monster like me anyway. I would have ended up just hurting Jiminie in the long run. There's a reason I'm always in isolation. I forgot. For a long time. They knew.
     Which is why they never wanted to let me out. Never. I was going to be trapped in there forever. Until daddy saved me. Ironically. I just don't want him to know.
     That I'm bad too.