Crazy Baby

Chapter 3; Kim Seokjin

"...tell me how far back you can remember, Jin. Any little thing no matter how inconsequential. Search deep into your memory and try to reach."
Groaning, I sit back and close my eyes, doing as ordered. This really sucks! I've been dragged in to this stupid doctor's office every single day for the last two weeks! I hate him! He terrifies me and he's mean. If I disobey him or stay silent for too long his creepy smile slips and he gets this scary look in his eye like he wants to hurt me.
Once I got mad at him and kicked his chair, h-he grabbed my arm and pulled me into his lap and threatened to p-punish me if I threw a tantrum again. He also gets mad when I just be myself. He tells me I'm not a kid that I'm an adult and need to act like one!
He's wrong! I'm ten like Jiminie and why can't he just leave me alone?! Sighing, I try to think back as far as I can to my earliest memory. No matter how hard I try I can only think about my first time coming here.
"I c-can't..." I grunt in irritation and shake my head.
He sits across from me, legs crossed and clip board in hand. His nice dress pants a dusty grey and his long sleeve shirt a pale pink. "Try harder." He demands.
Scoffing, I close my eyes and picture him falling off a large cliff! He's so mean! Jiminie doesn't believe me at all either but he doesn't have to have sessions with this doctor. It's not fair!
"Why can't you just leave me alone?! I'm j-just a kid!" I scream as tears burn my eyes and I begin to cry in frustration. His expression darkens before he calmly sets the clipboard aside and stands to his full height, towering over me.
He walks over and jerks me out of my seat and I wince from the pain from his tight grip. "It h-hurts!" I whine as hard sobs wrack my entire body. He pulls me into the next part of his office where he can close the door and no one can see inside. He slams the door closed and pushes me hard into a chair.
He looms in front of me and sits on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms. Anger pure and clear in his eyes. "Hush. You're not a baby, Seokjin. Stop crying." He reprimands me. I try, I really do.
"I want you to pull your pants down. Now." He demands and my eyes widen in fear and disgust.
"N-no!" I yell and make to run to the door but he catches me half way and jerks me back into his hold. I shudder and cry out but he slaps a hand over my mouth. Help me! Why can't anyone else see how crazy he is?! How is he a doctor?!
"You're not stupid!" He hauls me to the large mirror behind his desk and forces me to look at my stricken expression and trembling body. "You look nothing like those little kids! You are not a child! You are a grown man." He growls and I catch movement from him in the mirror before my soft drawstring pants are pulled down to my knees.
Gasping in shame, I slap his hands away and try to pull them back up, face flushing with embarrassment as my Mario underwear is revealed. He grasps my wrists hard and I flinch from the pain. He walks me around the desk and forward until my face is pressed against the glass. My tears and hot breath make the glass fog before me, distorting my appearance.
His hands slip inside my underwear and I sob loudly as they are also pulled down my legs. Now I'm trapped in his hold as he forces me to look down at my half naked body. My pale legs shake and threaten to drop me. His hand snakes around my body and jerks up my shirt until my privates are in full view to us through the mirror.
His face is practically deranged as he smirks at me through the mirror. "Look at yourself! You shower with the other young boys, yes? Is that the same? Tell me now! Does that look like the other boys' privates?" He shocks me further by grabbing my privates and moving his hand up and down, tugging the sensitive skin hard and rough.
In horror, I watch my privates change. It h-hardens and grows l-longer in his hand. What did he do to me?! I squeeze my eyes closed but he smacks my butt hard. "Look! Don't close your eyes. I want you to watch me and tell me it's the same as the other little boys." He growls as I break down and cry as he violates my secret privates. A place I was told no one was ever to see or touch besides myself.
After several long moments, he pulls me away and sits down in his big chair forcing me onto my stomach over his lap. Before I can take a breath to calm down, his hand slams down over my butt cheeks so hard my vision goes white and I choke on spit as I try to take in air.
He smacks me over and over again while trapping my privates between his legs in a relentless shameful hold. Terror overloads my brain and I feel the urge to pee from fear.
"P-please s-stop! I have to p-pee!" I screech but he ignores my pleas and just hits me harder. I try hard-so hard-to hold it in. I can't cross my legs and every time his palm connects to my skin it only heightens the need. Sobbing loudly in humiliation and shame, I can no longer hold it back and as he continues his excruciating punishment...my body lets go. Hot liquid runs down his legs to the floor as I go numb from fear. W-will he kill me? I wet my pants! Or...his pants..
He stops immediately and the air goes dead silent and still as I await my fate, still trapped over his lap. "Jin...what have you done?" He asks in an amused voice. "Tell me."
I drop my head, ashamed. "I p-peed m-myself." I whimper, stuttering. He clicks his tongue and pulls me up off his lap. The pain in my butt is so great my knees threaten to give out and I nearly fall on the now slick floor. My face is flaming red and I stare blankly at the ground, awaiting greater punishment.
I feel his hand wrap around my wrist while I stand pitifully wet and cold as my pants and underwear still pool around my knees.
"Such a bad bad boy. I'm very angry with you." His eyes are burning into me but I refuse to look up to see his expression. "Tsk..." he pulls my pants and underwear back up in place. "Go back to your room and think about what you've done today. Do not tell anyone about this or I promise your punishment will be much worse tomorrow, do you understand?"
     I nod pitifully, wiping my eyes.
     "I want you to really look at all those kids around you then at yourself. You are not the same, Jin. You don't belong here and I refuse to play along with the others." He sighs and gets up to open the door. I peak at his pants and feel another wave of humiliation at the wet patches down his pants where I peed.
     Swallowing hard, I slowly step out. I figured as soon as I was free, I'd run as fast as I can away but...I just slowly climb the stairs, never looking up at anyone. I don't even stop to talk to Jimin like usual. Glancing over at him, he seems distracted anyway by a new group of people just moved today.
     I had been excited to meet them, too, when I heard they were coming but now? I just want to snuggle under my blankets and pretend I'm safe. Pretend his words don't bother me and that he's wrong. Is he, though?
     As terrifying and mean as he is...I do notice the difference. I'm not like other boys. Not even like Jimin. He fits in much more than me and even he's much bigger than the others. I'm just an outcast, a giant among the smaller.
     Not bothering to change my soiled clothes, I refuse to drink my smoothie and cry myself to sleep. Dreaming of my eomma and appa and a time long passed. And a dark face watching from us from the distant shadows...I can't see him but I get the sense he's the reason they are gone now, why they left me here alone...eomma, please help me...