P.S - I'm Not Your Barbie

Metamorphosis (ch 20)

Last time on P.S - I'm Not Your Barbie...

She fainted after meeting Alexander. Yup, that's about it...

-----

Slowly, but surely, my overused brain allows me to once again, open my eyes and become a proud citizen of the world. There is a slight buzz settling in the back of my head, but I push the pain away and try to remember where I am. Annoying beeping sounds are coming from somewhere in the room and I fight the urge to start screaming profanities at the walls.

I pat myself all over, checking for any missing limbs, but find that all of me is still intact and in the right places. My eyes are observing every inch of the room, recollecting memories made during the past few days.

This has got to be one too many times for a person to faint. I think to myself as I crack each one of my fingers, my whole body rigid with tension.

A slight growl escapes my mouth as I move to get up from my uncomfortable position, but am stopped as my eyes locate a needle in my arm. I try to control my breath, calming myself while I clench and release my hands, a habit I developed during the somewhat stressful years of my life as a teenager.

As I regain control over my emotions and body, I quickly lie myself down, resting my head on the hard pillow, trying to forget the fact that I still have a needle stuck in one of my veins, sending drugs in my blood circulation.

Suddenly, the door bursts open, and in comes Jesse a little out of breath.

I look at him quizzically as he runs towards me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. My hand awkwardly taps his right shoulder, trying to show some sort of comfort to the boy in front of me.

"Um... What are you doing?" My voice quivering a little as I ask him the question confused.

"Just don't say anything." He says, never looking up from the crook in my neck.

I don't know how long we stay quiet, but I greet the silence with open arms. Everything in the last few days of my life seems as if it went by in a blink of an eye, starting from the second Principal Dean introduced me to Jesse Gosper, to now.

Somehow, I feel as if I have grown wiser during this short time. Jesse changed me, and I don't know if it's for the good or for the bad.

In a way, I don't mind the change. In a way, I wish I could have just understood all of this sooner.

I shake my head trying to forget of my philosophical thoughts, but catch Jesse's attention in the midst of it all. His blue eyes glance up at me tiredly and I feel something suddenly snap inside of me.

"What are you doing?" I growl at him, no longer in control of myself or my words.

On the inside, I feel as if I'm playing a game of tug of war. Two sides have suddenly developed and the rational part of me is trying to pick a side, running back and forth inside my brain.

I feel nauseous.

Jesse releases me and backs away, his back hitting the door at the other side of the room. I quickly pull the needle out of my arm, forgetting my fear, and start walking towards Jesse as if he was my prey and I, the predator.

"I left you to die!" I scream at him, disgusted with myself.

All I feel inside is confusion. What am I saying? I knew Jesse before these past two weeks? Why can't I remember?

"No you didn't! I was the one that decided to look for you; I had to pay the price!" He yells back.

"I hate myself! James, Mason, Alexander, and most of all, myself!" I finish.