P.S - I'm Not Your Barbie

Teacups (ch.9)

Wow, my life is just getting better and better isn't it? You don't have to answer the question, I already know the answer. I just don't know how I am going to fix all of this. I keep on messing things up, making the knots of all my problems ever tighter, unable to undo them. How can one person do this so easily without even trying?

I don't remember how long I was walking, trying to clear my thoughts, but in end I find myself in front of an old looking amusement park. At first I thought that it was abandoned, but as if hearing my thoughts, the rides come to life. I stand there, amazed by the lights and how they remind me of my childhood before all that crap happened. I feel free. I remember the good. I don't even care about how cheesy that sounds right now.

I walk through the gates, mesmerized by the sight. It is as if I am in a trance. My feet bring me to the one place I always loved and the one place which will always hold so many memories; the tea cups. Whenever I would run away from my life, whenever things got to hard for me to handle, I would come here. I guess I also loved this place so much because it reminded me of my favourite movie; Uptown Girls. That's a secret though, so be sure to keep it or I will track you down.

I look around the park to see if anybody is working here, but I only see one teenage boy, sitting on the tea cups. I rub my eyes, I must be hallucinating, there's no way that could be James. It can't be that easy. I looked for so long. For such a long time, I would come here every night hoping that James would be here. He never was. What changed?

I advance closer to the boy, staring into his familiar green eyes, watching as he does the same to me. I come closer and closer until I am right next to the unoccupied seat in front of the boy. No part of his body moves, only his eyes that watch me intently. I sit down, and put my hands on the wheel in the middle of the tea cup.

I feel the machine start moving, slowly at first as if getting ready to give me its best. I spin the wheel in front of me, struggling a little because of the rust. The boy follows my movements, still keeping eye contact.

I don't ever stop looking into the boys eyes. Don't think that it is out of fear of him dominating me or that it means that I am in love. Don't think that. I keep eye contact because it feels as if I am reuniting with my long lost brother, and if I look away, I am afraid that he will disappear.

The ride gets faster and faster, and slowly I feel my troubles lift away. I am suddenly the little, confused 13 year old girl that lost so much. I know, I only think of myself, but if I don't, who will? Everybody that used to care is gone. Or changed.

I end up closing my eyes at the end of the ride, savouring the feeling of being free of my thoughts. I don't even think of the boy while my eyes are closed, only of my heart feeling full and healed. My mistake.

When my eyes open once again, my heart breaks into little pieces and I feel the tears start welling up in my eyes. He's gone.

Was he ever even really there? Or was it just my imagination? Have I finally lost it?

I feel the first few tears fall from my eyes, but this only makes me cry harder. I haven't cried since before James disappeared, seeing as he was the only one that could make things better. He was my best friend, my older twin brother. Only older by ten minutes, but still older.

The tears don't stop flowing, only more join in the fun. I can't help but laugh at my self-pity. What is the matter with me? I am turning into a sentimental baby; I thought I was the bad girl. Maybe I should have made myself take the test to see who was truly bas ass, not Jesse. Uggghhh! Why must that idiot always come up in my thoughts? Why? This doesn't even have anything to do with him.

After some time, I accept the fact that Jesse isn't coming back and get up from the tea cup. I start walking out of the amusement park tiredly. The lights are dimmer than they were before, but they are still on. I can't help but wonder how they all turned on when I came, but my question is answered when I see the open hours sign. Saturday: 4pm - 12am. I take out my phone and watch how the minute changes from 10:59 to 11:00.

I look around and find myself in the middle of a crowd. How did I not notice these people here before? I actually thought that I was alone. I guess not. I find my eyes looking at people's faces trying to see if they are the green eyed boy. None of them were.

And I head back to my cabin.

Unknown POV

I watch her as she nears me, the lights surrounding her. She looks like the superstar she always told me she wanted to be. Does she still dream of it? Does she still even believe in dreaming?

Our eyes are locked as she gets closer and takes the seat in front of me. We still look identical except her features are softer, but I know that isn't the case with her attitude. I don't know if she believes that it's me or if she thinks that this is all a hallucination. The only thing I am sure of is that she can't know the truth about me before the time is right.

The ride starts moving and I follow her movements by gripping the metal wheel. I spin the wheel faster and faster until I forget about everything. I watch my sister closely while she closes her eyes and lets go, finally. I quickly leave before she can see me, but watch from behind a trash can as hurt runs across her features when she no longer sees me in front of her.

I turn around when I witness tears start falling from her eyes, I shouldn't have come. This will only make things harder for her. Oh well, I think while rubbing my hand on my cheek. I can't fix everything.

I walk away, back to my cabin that I haven't seen for so long.

Here you have it, another chapter from yours truly. Comment or vote, it's up to you. Write to you later,

-R