Courage

Chapter 34. Broken heart

Jen's POV

Eric will be here in a few minutes, his plane landed two hours ago.
My head is spinning, I can not think clearly. What am I supposed to tell you? I hate myself for this. He doesn't deserve any of this.

But I have to be honest.

I can't fool myself.

Of course I like Eric, I really do, but I don't love him.
I'm not in love with him.
I was hopeful it would work, but that was before Colin told me about his feelings.

A few weeks ago, I really hoped to have a relationship with him.

But the truth is...

I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING COLIN.

I snorted.
I looked around before letting me fall on the bed.
I hid my face in my hands, as if that could get away from reality.

I'm scared.
Colin said he needed time to resolve some issues with his family. I get it. But I can't help but feel guilty about it.
I feel guilty for Helen. I ruined her family. 

A cold current ran through my body making me shudder, my hands and my legs were shaking.
I squeezed my lips trying to hold back the tears.

I feel terrible.

I started to breathe slowly.

Come on, Jen.

Come on, Jen.

Don't! You have not ruined anything, Jennifer!

I have to stop thinking about it, nothing that happened was planned. 

Uf!

Stop thinking, I said to myself.
Control your head.

Three short knocks at the door took me out of my thoughts.

My heart accelerated, I could hear my pulse in my ears. My breathing became irregular from one second to the next.

I walked towards the door. My hands were still trembling.

I took a deep breath.

I opened the door and Eric pounced on me.

"Hello beautiful!" he said as he wrapped his arms around me.

I couldn't react. My body was petrified.

"I missed you too much, you have no idea how happy it makes me see you again, Jen."

Oh shit!

"What?" He asked me staring straight into my eyes. "Everything is alright?"

"Eric..."

"Jen, you're shaking. What the hell is going on?"

"I'm fine, Eric, but we should talk. I ... um, I have something to tell you."

"You're scaring me."

Dammit!

"I need you to listen and don't interrupt me, please!" I said between sobs.

"Why are you crying?" Eric asked desperately.

"You just let me explain."

"Sure!"

I walked to the bedroom window and then turned to face him. Eric was pale. His face reflected uncertainty.

Oh God! He has just arrived and I'm going to throw all this shit to him.

I wish I could run out of here right now.

Well, it's time to be honest, Jennifer, I told to myself. "Remember the man I told you about?"

Eric frowned, I guess I caught him off guard. "Y-yes," Eric stuttered.

"He was here two days ago." I clenched my teeth. "I guess I should tell you the full story."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm going to tell you everything, I promise." I said as I took a step forward. "But you must stay calm, please."

Eric pursed his lips and then nodded.

"I told you I was in love with a married man." I cleared my throat before continuing. "What I did not tell you is that this man is my co-worker."

"Colin!?" Eric screamed.

"Yes." My voice was barely a whisper.

"You're in love with Colin?" Eric said as he ran his right hand through his hair. "He spent the night here, with you?"

"Eric..."

"Answer me!"

"Yes."

"I'm a complete idiot." Eric said as he turned to the door.

"You are not an idiot."

"I thought you were different." He kicked the door.

His reaction scared me. "Calm down, please, let me explain." 

"What are you going to explain to me? You have cheated me."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, believe me."

"Imagine if you had wanted!"

"That's unfair, you know that...

"I don't know what to think! I thought you were different, Jen, I really believed it.
Damn, I fell for you, understand that?"

I couldn't hold the tears any longer.

I burst into tears when Eric said that.