Courage

Chapter 27. Don't say goodbye

I took a deep breath before speaking.

"I wanted to talk to you tonight to make things clear, but I guess that's not going to be possible. I wanted to know if we could still be friends after everything that has happened between us.
I guess I wanted to say goodbye to you without arguing, because lately it's the only thing we do when we're together, but... This does not work."

Jen's POV

"Y-you... I'm not understanding... Goodbye?" Colin shook his head from side to side, I knew he was upset.

"I mean...

"Jen, you're talking like you know you're not going to see me again," he said as he took a step towards me. "You want that?"

"What?"

"It's...

"No, wait. Let me explain, please." I said and Colin nodded. "I made you come here, to my room, to talk about us, about what happened." I cleared my throat. "I needed to know that nothing had changed between us, I needed to know that we were still friends."

I sighed. "Colin, I'm afraid I've ruined everything. "

"You have not ruined anything."

"We are not going to work together anymore, you have a life, a family and I have new projects, my friends, my family...

"And?" He interrupted me.

"I was afraid I'd ruined our friendship."

"Like I said, 'You have not ruined anything'."

Colin sat on my bed. He buried his face in his hands.

I sat down by his side and put a hand on his left leg. Colin lifted his head immediately.

"You are one of my favorite people in this world, I don't want to lose you," I said.

"You're not going to lose me, Jen." He said as he took my hand. His touch caused an electric current through my body.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, we stood there holding hands. Nothing else mattered. The world seemed to be stopped.

"I'm sorry. I overreact," I said.

"It's okay. I'm the one who should apologize to you," Colin squeezed my hand tightly. "I'm a little... you know, um..."  He cleared his throat. "I guess I'm jealous."

I pulled my hand away violently and he winced.

Why are you doing this to me? I'm trying to forget you.

I started blinking wildly trying to hold back the tears.

"This is so unfair," I said. "You hurt me, I know it's not your fault, but you do."

"That's the last thing I want, believe me." Colin took my hand again, but I pulled back, stood, and stared at him.

"As I said last time, I think it's good that we're away from each other."

Colin pursed his lips and took a step toward me. "Jen, let me explain..."

"No, don't. This is not going to end well, Colin!"

"God, Jen! I'm trying to be honest with you."

"And I'm trying not to get mad at you."

"Why would you be mad at me?"

"Because I can't stop loving you!"

His jaw dropped.

Why I said that? I can't control my words! I can't control myself when I'm with him.

***

Colin's POV

Here we go again.

She has told me again how she feels about me and I can't tell her how I feel about it. I want to explain to her about my marriage problems, but she always catches me off guard.

"I guess you were not planning to tell me that, just like you didn't plan to tell me that day in my trailer that you were in love with me."

She nodded.

"You're right, I didn't plan to tell you any of this, I just wanted to say goodbye to you."

'Say goodbye to you.' Why? Why does she want to say goodbye?

I snorted.

The answer is obvious. "You think you can be happy with Eric, right?"

I could see that Jen was on the verge of tears.

"Colin

"Now I understand, you want to get away from me to try to be happy with him."

"And what's the problem?" She screamed. "What's wrong with that?"

She took a step toward me, we were very close, I could see the anger through her eyes. "Listen." She raised her index finger. "You have no right to opine on my decisions, do you understand?

"I have it if your decisions involve getting away from my life."

"You... are a damn selfish."

Jen said angrily.

"Says the person who plans to make me to one side of his life without even hearing what I have to say."

"There's nothing you can tell me that doesn't involve getting hurt, Colin!"

It's now or never, Colin.

I looked straight into her eyes, she was shaking from head to toe.

"I don't want to be away from you." The lump in my throat prevented me from speaking correctly. "I can't get you out of my mind, Jen."

I took her hand and this time she didn't move. "I came here to tell you this, but...The photos appeared and I just got angry.  And...I was afraid."

"What were you afraid of?"

"I was afraid I could not do this"

I took her face with both of my hands and pulled her towards me, she did not resist.
I leaned my forehead over hers. She didn't move.

I took a deep breath and kissed her.