Amnesia | Brian Quinn

Chapter One

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not needed, no one wants me. I'm a waste of space." Brian muttered under his breath, as he stepped into his bathroom. The sounds of his friends laughing in the other room seeped into his ears. "Why are they so happy, but I'm not? What is wrong with me?" He mumbled, as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was a mess, his eyes bloodshot with dark circles underneath. Anyone within a mile radius of him could tell that he was depressed, and yet, his friends never even mentioned it, not even checking that he was at least okay. Brian ran his fingers through his hair, the tangles wrapping around his digits, as the strands of hair flopped over the back of his head. His wrists came in line with his vision, the faded scars of his past coming into his view. He had been clean for some time, but it was all becoming too much for him, he wanted...no, craved death. He didn't want to live anymore, it's as simple as that. Brian turned the cold tap round, letting the water fall free. He cupped his hands under the faucet, collecting the water droplets, before splashing his face. The coldness of the liquid conflicted with the heat of his body, a surge of energy residing through him. Brian reached across to the towel hanging on the hook, dabbing his face dry, before exiting through the door, soon rejoicing with his friends in his lounge.

"Damn dude, you took a long time in there, stomach not tough enough to handle the drink huh?" James, a beady eyed but sincere friend of Brian's, commented. Brian crossed his eyebrows at the man, as he took a seat on the sofa. He shook his head, a weak smile pulling at his lips.

"Shut up, James. I've only had one beer." Brian responded bluntly. His two other friends, consisting of Salvatore and Joseph, looked at him, raising an eyebrow. He was fine before he had gone to the bathroom, his sudden snappiness taking them by surprise. Sal, who was sat next to Brian, scooted closer to him, placing a hand to his shoulder.

"Bri, is everything okay?" He asked, the sense of sincerity in his voice. Brian nodded his head, his lips tightening together. The truth is, he didn't want anybody to know how he really felt. They had their own lives to worry about, he didn't want to be a burden. Sal accepted the nod of his head as an answer, but deep down inside, he could sense that something was wrong, very wrong.

The foursome picked up where they had left off, laughing and joking the evening away. At around ten, Joe sat up, looking at his watch. He started to slip his shoes on, retrieving his jacket from the arm of the couch, before standing up. He looked at the other three, as he pointed to the front door.

"I'd better get home, Bessy is probably wondering where I am. Come on ferret, I'll take you home." He announced, as James stood up too and slipped his shoes on. The duo bid their goodbyes, before stepping out of the front door. An awkward silence filled the room, as Brian and Sal remained sat there. The encounter between them earlier had caused a slight tension in the air, and Sal was not going to let it drop. He took a deep breath, gaining Brian's attention, as he looked across the room at the man.

"So...are we going to talk about your little moment earlier or what." He stated. Brian looked at him solemnly, his hand gradually making its way up his forearm, the nerves in his system making him scratch away at his skin. Sal immediately picked up on his actions, as he moved to Brian's side, refraining him from doing any more damage to himself. "Brian, I can tell you're not happy. You were doing so well, what's happened?"

Brian looked into Sal's eyes, the fact that a friend actually cared about him overwhelming him. Tears began to roll down his cheeks, as he started to sob. Brian clenched his fists into a ball, as his whole body began to shake. Sal had never seen his best friend look so vulnerable and fragile, it was something that he knew he had to sort out, but how he would go about doing so was a whole new challenge. Brian started to scratch at his skin again, his nails digging deeper and deeper into his epidermis, until blood began to pour out. Sal sprinted out into the bathroom, grabbing the first towel he could find, before returning to the weeping Brian, applying pressure to his wounds. He shushed him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, doing anything he possibly could to calm Brian down.

"Brian, come on buddy, this isn't good for you. What's gotten you in this state again?" Sal pleaded for an answer. There was no way he could help without knowing why he was behaving like this. Brian started to stammer an answer, his tears and gasps for breath making it hard for him to even talk.

"I-I want...to die, Sal. I c-can't handle t-this...anymore!" Brian bawled. Sal stared in shock at his friend, the words ringing in his ears. It's not every day that you hear your best friend say such words, and it made Sal scared at how long Brian had been like this. The last time he had gotten in this mess, he almost lost him. Brian gradually calmed his tears, as Sal remained vigilant by his side. He was not going to let anything happen to Brian, even if it meant staying the night just to make sure that he didn't do anything to harm himself. "I'll never find anyone who cares for me..." Brian frowned, as he wiped the tears that stained his cheeks. Sal pondered on his words, thinking about what Brian was surrounded with. Joe was married and had been for a couple of years, Murray had a steady girlfriend, who he was most likely to marry, and Sal had been with his wife for a few years now. Brian was the only one of the group who had always been hurt in some way by a girl, whom he thought was his everything. He had been dumped two weeks before he was meant to get married, he had been cheated on by a girlfriend a few years later, and his most recent girlfriend had lied to him about everything.

"You're wrong, Brian. Joe, James, and I all care for you. I'm sure you'll find the girl of your dreams soon, and when you do, she'll make you the happiest man alive. I mean look at me, I never thought that I'd get married, but then I met Bryony, and I've never been happier. You've just got to give these things time buddy." Sal comforted, as Brian sat back against the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. His cheeks were red, his eyes puffy from his vast amount of tears. Brian soon glared at Sal, his eyebrows crossing in anger.

"Time? TIME?! Sal, I've been giving it time for years! Every girl I ever gain feelings for will always hurt me in some way. I'm destined to be alone forever, I just know it!" Brian spat, as he stood from the sofa, pacing around the room. Sal sighed deeply, throwing himself back against the back of the couch. His hand ran against his forehead in frustration, the fact that Brian wasn't even listening to him had annoyed him profusely.

"Brian, don't get angry with me...I'm trying to help you here, don't forget that. I get it okay, girls have broken your heart, and I feel for you, I really do. But you can't let those bitches get to you. You're better than them, and you will meet a girl, and she will be the one. All I'm saying is to just give things a chance." Sal sighed, not wanting to let this lead into an argument. Brian stopped in his tracks, as he turned to face Sal.

"I gave things a chance, and look where it fucking got me! I'm done, I give up. I want to die!" Brian yelled, as he raced into the bathroom, grabbing the sharpest blade he could find. Sal chased after him, sprinting into the room just as Brian was about to slice away at his flesh. Sal gripped onto his hand tightly, forcing the cold metal away from Brian's tender skin. Sal pinned his arm against the wall, refraining the blade from coming into contact with his wrist, as Brian struggled against his strength.

"I'm not letting you kill yourself, Brian! There's a better solution than this one, please don't do anything you'll regret! Suicide doesn't solve anything, it doesn't end the pain, it only limits the opportunity for things to get better. Think of the fans, Brian, think of how many lives you've saved, think of what you tell them when they feel this way. You can't do this to them!" Sal pleaded, as Brian slowly loosened his grip on the blade. It dropped to the floor, as Brian fell to his knees, the tears once again spilling down his cheeks. Sal pulled him into his embrace, as the pair of them sat there well into the night. The only sounds that could be heard for the rest of the night were the exhausted sobs of Brian, and the soothing shushes of Sal.