You're The One

Chapter 20

Bellamy

I hadn't expected to stay this long. Hell, I had only expected to be here a day when Raven needed her medicine. But things had rapidly changed. Too rapid for me. 

I could understand Clarke and Lexa being mothers. I could accept it, though I was reluctant. Both women had a natural maternal instinct, and I had no doubt they'd be able to raise a beautiful girl. And she sure was beautiful, especially when she smiled her toothless smile when she saw me or Raven or Luna. I did love her. Everyone did. 

But when I looked at Octavia, her stomach growing ever so slightly, I couldn't see her future. When she placed her hand on her belly protectively, the image of her being a mother never came to me. Lincoln and O—they didn't ever seem like they wanted children. 

I would never tell them this. I would love O's kid just as much as Seren, if not more. But I was scared for her. Every inch of me screamed that she was not ready for this, and beneath her content smiles was paralyzing fear of raising a kid. 

Still, Clarke and Lexa with Seren gave me hope for O. They were naturals at raising Seren. Lexa still seemed to get easily frustrated, and she still had a lot to figure out, but she was learning quickly. It was obvious Lexa would be the fun parent—the one who told Seren another story even though it was past her bedtime, the one who would take Seren on a spontaneous trip, the one who would play and spar with Seren. Clarke would be the one to restrain both her daughter and Lexa, but at the end of every night, it would be Clarke that Seren would latch on to as she fell asleep in her arms. 

I knew even if Raven and I decided to go back to Arkadia, O would have help. 

However, with Seren and O's kid on the way, Raven had no intention of leaving for at least another nineteen years. At first, I had no intention of leaving, but only because Raven wasn't going to. But as Seren grew day by day, and laughed every time she saw me,  and as O's belly grew, I realized I was staying for a little bit more than Raven. 

One morning, Raven came to me. Her eyes were sad as she told me about what she had been experiencing lately. I was unsure of what she was talking about at first, but after a while, it became painfully clear. 

She didn't want the rest of her friends to know until it was true. She didn't want to worry them, and I didn't blame her. I rode with her back to Arkadia. Abby, whom we already called before coming, met us outside and wrapped Raven up in a hug. I could see Raven sink into her. Abby met my eyes and gave me a sad smile. We were both thinking the same thing. Please have this not be anything. 

Raven and I walked hand in hand inside, and every once in a while, I would give her hand a reassuring squeeze. I was here in any and every way she wanted me to be. Before we entered the exam room, Abby glanced at me, but Raven nodded her consent. 

I kept my eyes on Raven's as Abby examined her body, prodding and probing everywhere. I could see Abby out of the corner of my eye, her expression becoming increasingly dire. I only hoped that Raven was staring so hard at me that she didn't notice. 

After a while, Abby offered her hand to Raven. She pulled Raven up and led us down to another room full of large medical equipment. On one wall was a large screen. On the other side of that was a glass window. In the room on the other side of that were the scanners. She laid Raven down and led me into the other room. I kissed her forehead before I left.

"You'll be alright," I whispered, holding onto her hand desperately. Her jaw was clenched and the tears in her eyes threatened to spill over. But for some reason, she wouldn't let them. Maybe if she did, it would be too real. It would be true. "I love you." With that, I let her hand go and followed Abby. 

Raven laid perfectly still as the room was filled with a whirring noise. Abby and I held our breaths. Eventually, after what felt like forever, the whirring stopped. Abby pressed a few buttons and said I could go back in. I sat next to Raven. Her hands were folded over her chest and she was staring blankly at the ceiling. Silently, her hand found mine again. We never thought we'd have to worry about something so normal as disease. We've been so used to fighting evil and going to war it seemed unlikely that we'd ever be inflicted with something like this. I glanced at Abby. Her eyes were red and her jaw set as she analyzed the results. After a moment, she came out.

I helped Raven sit up next to me as Abby sat in front of us. 

"Raven." Abby said, taking Raven's available hand. "I'm going to tell you this straight because that's how you and I are." 

Raven nodded. It almost seemed like once, she didn't want to be told straight. 

"You have breast cancer." Abby murmured. 

Raven's eyes brimmed with tears and she nodded silently. I looped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her tight against me. Her eyes dimmed as Abby started to explain the steps we could take. But for her, I paid attention to every word. 

After a few days, once the shock had subsided, Raven felt like she was ready to tell her friends. When she told them, Octavia placed her hand over her stomach protectively. Clarke and Lexa listened intently, and their hands found each other. 

"What are you going to do?" Clarke asked.

"Well," Raven began. "I could cut off my boobs." 

I smiled, at least as much as I could given the circumstances. She still retained her sense of humor. 

Clarke smiled, too. "I believe it's called a mastectomy, yes." 

"Or a partial one." Raven said. "But they're already so little." She said, glancing down.

"It's better than dying. But that's just my opinion." Octavia said wryly, adjusting herself. 

"The other option would be to do some sort of treatment, but obviously there is less of a chance of it working," Raven explained. 

"I think the former was hands down the best option," Octavia said, almost angry that Raven would consider anything else. 

"Obviously Bellamy would be a little upset." Clarke said. 

A small amount of tense laughter filled the room. 

"You know, you might think that." I said. "But I can't even think about that. Her body isn't her. And I love her." 

 Octavia smiled contently, her hand still on her stomach. Raven beamed up at me and pulled herself a little closer. 

 "If the cancer really hasn't spread, I'd have to agree with Octavia. A mastectomy or hopefully even a partial one is your best bet." Clarke said. 

Raven nodded.

"We're here for you every step of the way, no matter what." Lexa said, leaning forward and placing her hand on Raven's.

Raven nodded, turned her hand over to squeeze Lexa's. 

"Thank you." She murmured. 

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A/N: Sorry for disappearing for while! Don't worry, I still check for messages and comments! 

And sorry for that really short depressing chapter. You guys are probably going to hate me for it.