I woke up in the morning confused. My surroundings weren't familiar and it took a minute for me to realize that I was in Quan's room. I picked my phone up and the event of last night came rushing back at me.
The phone started ringing and my mom's phone number flashed across the screen. I declined it and climbed out of the bed. I wasn't prepared to talk to her because I knew that she still didn't know what to say to me and expected an apology.
I was sorry that I raised my voice at her but I wasn't sorry. All my life she instilled in me that I never needed a man for anything. They were good for nothing.
It didn't help that with my dad always in and out of my life or making broken promises with me I felt her words to be true. I didn't have issues about that though. I had hope being with Jamar. And then last night for my mom to just have no words was it.
I think her not saying anything hurt me more than the break up itself. Wasn't she supposed to know best and how to help me handle situations?
"Morning Si." Quan said breaking my thoughts. He carried two plates in his hand. "Good morning." He handed a plate with a pancake, scrambled eggs and sausage.
I couldn't take it. "I'm not hungry." I pushed the plate back at him.
"Eat the damn food. You weren't hungry last night so I know you're starving now." I sighed and took the plate as he handed me a bottle of warm syrup which I opened and drowned my food with.
Quan sat in the chair at the desk in the corner of his room. "So are you going to tell me?" He asked leaning forward his elbows resting on his knees.
"Tell you what?" He just gave me a hard stare. "Fine." I mumbled but I still didn't say anything.
"Siani."
"Okay, okay damn. Jamar broke up with me last night. He drove four hours to break up with me and his reasoning was so stupid!" I had started crying but I quickly sucked the tears up.
"He said that I'll find someone better than him because he's going to the marines and I'm not having a full college experience by being in a relationship. It's all bullshit."
"Is that really why you were crying? It has to be more than just that for you to come to me in tears." Quan said.
"Yes that's really why. I don't know if it's because he was my first real boyfriend or if I was so in love." I sat the plate down. "I could have liked him so much because my mom couldn't stand him and I wanted to prove that we were meant to be."
"And to top it all off I called my mom because like I said, first break up and I didn't know what to do. Like was I supposed to be crying? She didn't have shit to say Quan. I blew up on her because all my life I looked at the male species in a negative way because of her. Then I met him." I sniffed a little before continuing my rant.
"For the longest I hated guys and recently, between you and me I've been kind of feeling females. I thought maybe it was because I'm surrounded by girls twenty four seven but maybe I'm really a lesbian. Hell, I'm still a virgin and haven't had the desire to have sex with a man besides getting some head."
I sat playing with the corner of the blanket. I could feel him staring at me. "Are you secretly judging me because I think that I'm gay?" I asked him.
"Not at all. I'll still fuck with you."
"Okay." My phone started ringing and it was Jamar.
"You gonna get that?" Quan asked me after it rang a third time.
"Hello?"
"Siani, I'm really sorry about dropping that break up on you like that. We can still be friends though right?" Jamar said.
