The Unreachable Wife

43-We Live By Love

I was on my knees. Weak and helpless. My eyes were covered with tears. Di ko maaninag kung totoo ngang iniwan ako ni Lander. But I heard the slamming of the door. And someone had just walked away right in front of me eyes. I must be dreaming! He wasn't my husband. Lander could never say those words to me! Magagalit siya sa akin pero hinding-hinding niya kayang sabihin ang masasakit na mga salitang narinig ko. He could get angry as loud as he could. Curse if he must. Ignore me as long as he wanted.... but he would never ever say he'd leave me. We might have had our ups and downs ngunit ang pinakaimposibleng mangyari sa mundo ay ang hiwalayan niya ako o hiwalayan ko siya. The mere thought of it was enough to cause us death.

Lumabas lang si Lander para magpahangin. Nagpapalipas lang ng galit. He wouldn't go far. Babalik din siya agad. He would never abandon me in this situation. Hindi niya matitiis na iwan akong nanghihina, umiiyak at nasasaktan. Kumapit ako sa silya nang di tumitigil sa pagluha. Tumayo ako at tumitig sa pintuan. My feet were telling me to follow him but my mind told me not to. Dapat bigyan ko siya ng kaunting oras para mapag-isa at makapag-isip. It was all my fault. My jealousy and my stupidity. Kapag nakapag-isip na siya nang mabuti maiintindihan at mapapatawad niya rin ako. Walang mag-asawang totohanang naghihiwalay nang mahal na mahal pa rin nila ang isa't isa. Not in our case.

My eyes were wide open while staring at the door. Pinahid ko ng likod ng aking kamay ang mga luha. Pinilit kong patahanin ang aking sarili. I wanted to see clearly when the door opens. Yung malinaw na kitang-kita ko ang pagbabalik ng aking asawa. Ilang oras akong nakatayo at nakakapit lamang sa silya habang titig na titig sa pintuan. While the clock ticked, reality slowly hit me. My eyes were getting teary again.

Was he serious? Iniwan niya na ba talaga ako?

My heart instantly got frantic. Hindi na ba talaga siya babalik? That scary thought suddenly drove me crazy. Mabilis akong tumakbo palabas ng pintuan. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod na nagpalinga-linga ako sa hallway. Di malaman kung saan ko siya unang hahanapin. Inisa-isa ko ang mga hagdan ng fire exits ngunit wala siya saan man dun. Tumakbo ako papuntang elevator. Di makapaghintay na paulit-ulit na pinindot ang pindutan pababa.

"Lander please don't do this to me..." nanginginig na salita ko. 

Bumaba ako sa lobby nang hindi alintana ang aking hitsura. Pinahid ko ang aking luha upang malinaw na makita ang paligid. Nagpalingon-lingon ako pero di ko siya makita. I approached the reception in rush. There were two receptionist ladies who were both confused about my appearance.

"What can we do for you Ma'am Anya?" ngiti nila.

"Nakita niyo ba si Lander?" tarantang tanong ko.

They quickly looked at each other with furrowed brows. Pagkuway lumingon uli sila sa akin nang nakangiti. "Sino pong Lander Ma'am?"

I realized no one knew about his identity even in our own building.  I gestured my hands to describe him. "A man who's tall like this. With a built like this... in his late twenties..." They didn't get my description. "Open your twitter!" nagpapanik na utos ko. I didn't have much patient to wait for their comprehensions.

Dali-daling tiningnan nang isang receptionist ang kanyang cellphone. I grabbed her phone. Ipinakita ko sa kanila ang isa sa nagkalat na mga litrato namin ni Lander sa twitter at facebook.

"Did you see this guy?" nagmamadaling salita ko.

Paulit-ulit na tumango ang aking mga kausap. "Yes Ma'am!"

"Where is he now?" Bigla akong nabuhayan ng loob.

"Ahhh..." Their smiles slowly faded. "K-Kanina po andiyan lang siya nakaupo." She pointed her finger to the one of the couches in waiting area. "P-Pero di na po namin napansin kung saan nagpunta. May kumausap po kasi sa amin kanina."