Try And Stop Me (Girlxgirl)

Nineteen

Michelle sat up in bed, sweat gluing her shirt to her back as she covered her mouth, trying not to pant too loud in case Taylor woke up and decided that she didn't need to be left alone in her thoughts. Right now her thoughts were what kept her sane. It was a bizarre type of sane, where if she thought about it enough, it didn't seem real, and she definitely didn't want it to seem real. 

She didn't want those hands on her skin to be real, or the hot breath in her face. She was glad she couldn't fully remember it, otherwise her head would have cracked from all of the anguish she would be in. She had told Taylor not to worry; she hadn't had any memory of what happened, but the truth was ever since seeing that video, she'd been having these vivid dreams, she'd be remembering little details, like the man's perfect teeth and him grinning, sweat dripping down his smooth shaven face. She thought he looked all of 17, the lithe, thin body that was on top of her was more adolescent than even his boyish smirk. 

That haunted her most of all.

How old had he been when Taylor was in high school? How in the hell had he pulled it off, and how many girls, exactly, had he raped and God, did he use a condom? So many thoughts raced through her mind it was hard to contain them all. She quietly crawled out of bed, peeling back the blankets and found herself tip toeing out of the cracked bedroom door and out into their dark apartment, where she went to the kitchen and got a glass of water, sipping it and then feeling sick to her stomach as her eyes landed on the folder that woman had left. 

She grabbed it and tore it in two, four, eight pieces until it was tiny little pieces of paper like confetti and took the trashcan from underneath the sink and dropped all the tiny pieces in, watching without satisfaction as they fell in. She still felt like pulling her hair out. 

This entire ordeal made her want a drink. Made her want to forget about everything and just give up. She thought these days were behind her. She thought she was through with being victimized and taken advantage of. She heard the floor creak and turned, her heart hammering in her chest. Taylor stood in the entrance to the kitchen in a t-shirt, her blond hair in two French braids.

"You're not okay." Taylor said, her voice sounding so raw and loud in the quiet apartment. Michelle sighed and leaned against the counter.

"Go back to sleep," She whispered. Taylor shook her head. "I was never asleep. I was pretending so I could catch you not sleeping and lecture you about keeping secrets." She had this look on her face that said she was joking and Michelle cracked a tiny smile. "Why is everything a joke to you, Taylor?" 

"Because life is hard and if I don't laugh, I'm might go crazy."

"A little late for that, don't you think?" Michelle joked. She stepped into the kitchen and went over to the fridge, taking out the carton of milk and setting it on the counter before going over to the cupboard and pulling out two mugs. Michelle watched as she poured milk into the mugs and then put the milk back up, moving over to the pantry to pull out Oreo's. She tucked the cookies under her arm and grabbed both the mugs. 

"Follow me." She said, and Michelle sighed but followed her into the living room, where Taylor set the snack down on the table and sat on the couch, pulling the throw blanket from the back and coming to wrap it around Michelle's shoulders. 

She pulled her to the couch where Michelle curled up and watched as Taylor pulled the table flesh against the couch and grabbed the remote, turning on the TV, switching it to Netflix and turning on a random episode of The Office. She settled next to Michelle and opened the cookies, offering one to her fiance. Michelle grinned and took the cookie, leaning over to dip it in the milk. 

Taylor wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a kiss on her cheek before eating her own cookie. Michelle snugged into her and sighed in content as they watched the show silently. It wasn't until Taylor wiped at her face that Michelle noticed she'd been crying. She sat up straight and groaned.