belligerent.

belligerent • twenty-two

My hand ran over the marks on my hips the next night as I was leaving work. I unlocked my car doors, got in, and sped off in a different direction. I was craving some Taco Bell right now and now that I knew that they were open all day and night, I was going to take advantage of that.

After getting my meal I headed home. It had to have been almost 2 now. I didn't feel like doing this aux cord bullshit so I let whatever play on the radio. The introduction of Location by Khalid began playing and I instantly reached for the volume, turning it all the way down. Even with the song down, the melody still played in my head. I rolled my eyes to myself and pulled into my parking spot.

I got out and slowly made my way to the steps, dragging myself up those also. I was so ready to get into this bed and crash. I was really going to get some good ass sleep tonight since Jah was out performing somewhere. I would've went since I had never been to any one of their little concerts before but you know, duty calls.

As soon as I made my way into my room, I flopped onto my bed and my eyes instantly shut. It didn't take long for me to K.O.

• • •

I woke up within the next couple of hours from the sound of my phone's constant vibrating on my cheek. I frowned as I read the caller ID. Of course it was Jahseh.

My finger slid across the screen, answering the call. "We got them niggas! I told yo' ass we was gonna get them and we did!" He yelled into my ear. I flinched and furrowed my eyebrows, pulling my phone away from my face to check the time. It was close to five in the morning and this nigga was yelling in my ear about fighting some other niggas.

"That's good, Jah." I replied sleepily. I could hear the yelling and music going on in the background which led me to believe that he must've still been at his concert.

"Man, Amber you should've seen that shit! Niggas was runnin' like some fuckin' roaches!" He laughed. My eyes slowly began to close as I made sounds letting him know that I was listening. I'd throw some mhhm's in here and there and some yeah?'s also which seemed to satisfy him.

"Huh? Oh yeah, hold on!" He yelled once more to someone else on his side of the line. "Look, I don't think I can FaceTime you tonight." He continued as I let out a loud yawn.

"That's fine. Have fun." It was a small pause between us before he said something. "Bye." Was the last thing he said before the line went dead.

As soon as he hung up, I fell right back asleep.

• • •

The next week or so, I was back to my usual daily routine. Go to work, go home, go to sleep, repeat. I had so much time on my hands that I even requested overtime. I wasn't doing shit during the day anyway. I rarely had anyone to talk to nowadays, especially since Jahseh was on this tour now. I spoke to Hailee now and then but she was busy with juggling her job and some kind of classes so we never really got to link up as much as we used to. I haven't even had a real conversation with Venus in some days. The only time I see her is on Snapchat or up and down my feed on Instagram but never in our home.

The sound of the microwave beeping interrupted my depressing thoughts and I unfolded my legs and got up from the couch and made my way into the kitchen. I opened the microwave and removed my gourmet dinner: a cup of Maruchan noodles. I padded back to the couch, resuming a rerun of Law and Order: SVU and dug in.

As I was eating and watching my show, I managed to catch up on social media during commercial breaks. Nothing new. A bunch of lame ass X fan pages up and down my explore page and I'd scroll past a few 'She's only 12!' videos.

My eyes caught a picture that seemed to have a familiar dread head hugged up with some girl. But not like he would be with a fan. Like he would be with me.

I scrolled over to the next couple of pictures only to see some more people from their little group doing the same which caused me to roll my eyes and sit my phone back down, returning to my calm evening.

I didn't have the right to be mad anyway. That wasn't my boyfriend, man, boo, whatever you wanna call it. He was just a friend anyway. He could be with whoever he wanted to be with and the same went for me.

• • •

I ain't shit guys, my bad 🙃