takes a bit more • matthew healy

ii.) pajamas

matty's pov

i didn't want to leave her alone.

why would i? looking at her gives me a hint that she's so fragile. what kind of girl would get high and drunk and board a train station with no destination, exactly? i'm thankful i boarded the same time she did, or else someone would've taken advantage of her in this state. people could be fucking cruel.

i can sense she's looking at me, though, as we're walking towards the flat i share with my mates. i don't know if she's scared, or curious, even. the drugs and the alcohol have worn off, i think, because i can sense that she's starting to doubt me.

"i think i should go." she says after quite some time. then, she starts rambling. "what you're doing is extremely kind, matty, i appreciate it so much, but i'd rather leave, if that's okay with you."

i don't know what to say. telling her not to go will make me sound like a murderer who only has bad intentions, and actually allowing her to go will expose her to whatever awful things that linger around manchester at these hours.

"i'm not a murderer, rhiannon." i say.

"that's what murderers say, actually." she's biting her nails, looking really vulnerable and just scared altogether.

"i'm not." i groan. "i can drive you the next morning, i suppose george's car will be available by then."

i don't know why she starts nodding, because what i just said isn't exactly reassuring at all.

we enter the flat after some time, and i see george sitting in the living room with a bowl of cereal. "oh fuck," he says as soon as he sees me, "well you're back too soon." i watch him as he glances at rhiannon. "and you brought a girl, really?"

"this is rhiannon." i tell him, as soon as i put the guitar case down on the floor. "she's gonna spend the night."

george looks at me like i'm losing my mind, but i give him a look that says he needs to shut up before he says something else.

"nice to meet you, rhiannon." george smiles at her, a little too forced i might add. "you can sleep on the couch, if you will. matty's room is awfully messy." he stands up, goes somewhere else for a smoke or something. either way, i know he isn't quite ecstatic bringing a girl in.

"i sleep on the couch." i say, "you can sleep in my bed. it's not messy, really. just a few clothes on the mattress, but you can throw them on the floor."

"he doesn't look okay with me being here." rhiannon says out of nowhere. i hear her voice break. "this is stupid, i'm so sorry for having bothered you."

she's crying, and i don't know how exactly i can deal with it, but i give her a hug, because i'm terrible at comforting people with words.

after several minutes, rhiannon is fast asleep in my bed after changing into my plaid pajamas that i had let her borrow for the night. she didn't talk as much as she did on the train; i feel like it's the drugs that did the talking for her back there. i don't disturb her. instead, i set up the pillows on the couch and a blanket, because it tends to get cold somewhat. colder than usual.

"so is rhiannon your new girl now, mate?" george's voice surprises me as he enters the room. he sits down on the couch right next to me, a burnt cigarette in hand. "who's next? ten year-olds?"