takes a bit more • matthew healy

i.) 2 a.m

i think i was born nocturnal.

i don't know, i've always been awake every night, and asleep every morning. i have a thing for sunsets, how the day gives up its glory to the night for it to shine or some shit. stars fascinate me, and so does the dark blue sky. it makes me sad most times, but i had always really loved the feeling of being a complete stranger to the night. i think it's a thing really.

at 2am, i quietly leave our house in london, making sure to lock the door to my room just in case my mother wakes up and starts to look for me like she did the last time. it just finished raining actually, and the smell feels rather invigorating than haunting. i'm wearing my black shirt underneath a navy green coat, and my black leggings and the black doc martens i had bought on my sixteenth birthday. i bring out my phone, texting my friend alice that i have successfully snuck out of the house and that i'm waiting for her pick-up truck to drive by so we could go to the nearby bar.

see you in ten, was her reply, along with an endearing "xx" that actually makes me feel better for sneaking out for the nth time.

she arrives at the given hour, and the old car smells much of weed and cigarette smoke, but i don't mind. charlie and rebecca are at the backseat, smoking what looks like a shit ton of weed, and when they offer me some from the passenger seat, i decline and choose a cigarette instead.

"okay, so who here is excited to play a game of 'guess the time where rhiannon's mom becomes not so strict?'"charlie basically is shouting, laughing as he pinches my cheeks from the backseat of the car.

i smirk, taking a much-needed drag. "probably when you tell your parents that you like boys, charlie."

"that's a foul." rebecca is laughing, and if it isn't for the car windows all rolled up, i would have told her to keep it down. "rhiannon is a g. she's literally sneaking out for us."

"where are we off to, again?" i look at alice, who has been the designated driver since the history of forever. one hand is on the steering wheel, the other is holding her cigarette. she glances at me with a sweet smile and those red lips she regularly wears.

"wherever you want, babe."

i huff, taking one more drag before throwing the cigarette out the window. "take me home, alright? my mom's gonna shoot us all if she finds out about this."

"fucking relax, rhiannon. we're gonna get you home just fine." i never actually believe her, but i nod anyways, because i'm tired, and the night hasn't even begun.

—

it is a bar we go to, a typical one in london. three underage drinkers getting drunk; that's how we are every single week. i must have taken too many by accident, because when i get up to walk to the bathroom, i keep on stumbling everywhere. i don't know how many people are talking to me. i don't even know where my friends are.

i don't even know why i'm crying in the cubicle, either.

"are you alright?" someone is knocking on the door, and i don't know if she's waiting for me to finish my business in the loo or she's really concerned.

i get out, mainly after throwing up a ton, and see her. purple hair, green eyes, pale skin. she looks awfully soft, and that's not the type of person i need at the moment. "i'm alright, i'm sorry i held up the line."

"'sokay." she speaks in a soft voice, and god save me. "i don't really go to this place, probably why i'm concerned over every little thing that's going on." she giggles, and i just smile at her before turning around to leave. my mind feels hazy, but i can still hear her shout, "i'm right here if you need me!" from a distance as i make my way out of the bar and onto the sidewalk.