Beyond Repair

Chapter 36: Released

I was released from the hospital and dad waited patiently at the car door. I made my way slowly out of the hospital and when I came outside, I decided to walk. I was still upset with dad and my brothers for that matter but dad grabbed my arm and shook his head. I didn't have a choice. I get in the car, lean against the seat and look out the window.

I saw girls shopping with their mothers. Laughing and having a good time. I miss that so much, I miss checking out every rack and buying half the store. I miss going out for food afterward and getting our hair done and nails done. I miss the little things. I miss looking at my mom when she smiles and the little wrinkles forming. How blue her eyes got when she looked at us. The pride she had in her kids no matter how messed up we were. No matter our flaws or faults or our mistakes. The way her cheek wrinkled when she laughed so much. God I miss her.

I guess what they say about you never knowing what you have until it's gone is the truth. I never realized how much I needed my mom. I never realized how much I'd miss her laugh or her hugs or her kisses. Sometimes I can still hear it and sometimes I forget how it sounded. I just wish I could start over. I wish I could go back to that day and stop her. I wish I could change it to where the car hit me instead of her. It would've made life a lot better. I would be at peace instead of in this living hell. I guess this is my punishment.

When we arrived home, I went up to my room to see my drawers taken out and everything in there as well. Ugh dad's doing this again. He thinks if he takes the razors and blades out that I'll get better. You'd think he'd try to help me, that he'd try to talk to me and help me feel as if someone cares, but he won't do that. He'll never admit it, but he blames me for moms death and I blame him for moving on so quickly. He hates being alone? Try living a whole life of being alone.

Everyone had left me alone and I looked at my wall. I smiled slyly and noticed a loose nail, this will work good. I slowly twist and turn it until it slips out I smile brightly. This will work really well. I hide it under my mattress and then walk into my bathroom. Dad left a razor for me but one that you can't take out the blades. I smirk and shake my head. They really don't know me do they? I open the sink and remove the blade I threw in when Evan and I got into that argument on moms anniversary. I slowly pick it up and then slip it in my closet with the nail. There's a less likely chance they'll find it in there. I smile and sit on my bed just as there's a knock on my door.

Evan lets himself in with my other brothers. I glance at them and then stare blankly at the floor. I'm still mad and am fidgeting with the bandage around my wrist. The hospital wanted to make me stay in a psych ward but dad disagreed, he said I'd be better off at home. I guess that's the one good thing he did.

"Paisley," Chris says softly, "I'm sorry."

I roll my eyes, "Whatever."

"Paisley--"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Paisley please," Chris begs and I hug my legs.

"I don't care about meaningless apologies."

Silence.

"Why didn't you tell dad?" Evan asks and I look at him.

"Because I'm not you and unlike you, I actually care what happens to you."

He looks hurt but I couldn't give a damn even if I wanted to.

"Okay," he says softly and I lay my chin on my knees. I'm done with this.

"We are sorry," Jordan says and then leaves. Soon so do the others. I look out my window and then see Donovan at his window, sad and upset. I sit on the windowsill and look at him. He notices and looks up. He opens his window and I follow suit.

"Hey," he says and I smile.

"Hi."

"I know we sorta don't talk anymore but I just needed someone to listen."

"Go ahead," I say and he nods.

I look at him and he looks like he's been crying. Something bad must've happened.

"What's up?" I ask and he looks as if he'll break down.

"Dads been injured," he whispers and he breaks down. Tears sting my eyes. Poor Donovan and Ashleigh.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry."

"He lost his leg and he needs physical therapy for a long time. Mom is devastated."

"If you need anything I'm here for you."

"Thanks," He says and I look at him with a solemn look. At least his dad only lost a leg.

"Does Stacy know?"

He sighs, "Not yet, I just needed time to compose myself."

I nod, "Well I'm a great listener."

"Just so you know, I don't care about your past." Although I see his eye focused on my bandage. I'm sure everyone at school knows at this point.

I do a fake smile, "Thanks."

"I mean it."

"Okay."

"Is everything alright with you and your brothers?"

"Nope, we still hate each other."

"I don't think you guys hate each other, I think you're each upset at something that seems stupid."

"I don't know about that."

"Just remember, family is forever."

I smile as he closes his window. Family is forever but not for us. Family is the last thing, everything else is ranked higher.

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NEW CHAPTER YAY!!! ITS SO DEPRESSING:( ANYWAY THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING. I MIGHT MAKE A SEQUEL. WHAT DO YALL THINK? SO ID LOVE IT IF YOU GUYS CHECKED OUT WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG AND GIVE IT A VOTE AND COMMENT. THANKS. I LOVE YALL.

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