Give Your Heart A Break

Chapter TwentySix

PAYTON P.O.V

My chest ached and it still felt like someone's hand was around my neck choking me, not allowing enough air through. My entire body shook with emotion and the only things that stayed still and constant was Lucas's firm hand on my back and the occasional nod from him as I explained everything. Although what surprised me was a strange feeling of relief. I feel as though a huge weight has just been lifted off my chest. I guess that's what crying a bucket load of tears and a life's worth of confession would do to you.

I clasped my hands together and placed them in between my knees to stop the shaking as I awaited his reply. Oh god what have I done? He probably now can see me as the complete mess I am and probably even thinks that I may need to be institutionalised. I just met this guy for god's sake, why the hell did I think it was okay to do that?

After what seems like a lifetime he finally opens his mouth, "Payton, one thing I have learned is that life will break you, nothing and nobody will protect you from that, but living alone and cutting yourself off from people won't protect you either. In the end it is loneliness that will break you. You and I know that life is precious, you have to love, you have to feel, it is the reason you are here on earth." I am both stunned and conflicted by his words.

"But Lucas…" I start but he puts up a finger to silence me.

"You are here to risk your heart Payton, you are here to be swallowed up by it all. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, sit back and be thankful for that pain, because that pain means you are still alive, and being alive is something you shouldn't take for granted." 

I sat back and tried the let his words sink in. I mean of course he is right, but it is so difficult to just accept everything life throws at me. The last year the vision on life has been blinded by pain, so much that I can't remember how good it feels to be happy. Except of course then came Harry, he made me forget my problems for a moment. But for some reason I couldn't just allow myself to be happy, I had to over think everything, i found the worse in every situation and because of that I became the poison in his life.

"But Lucas it is all so difficult. I don't know how to be anyone else anymore. I mean look what I have done to Harry, I have turned him into this other person. I have ruined him." I choke out. I am doing everything I can to stop the sobs taking over my body, my eyes are trying to start with tears again, although I doubt there is any left in there. Lucas removes his hand from my back and places his hand over my own.

"Harry is a big boy Payton, he will be okay, I promise you. Maybe he wasn't right for you and maybe you aren't right for him. You need to find that person that brings that old Payton out, whoever that might be. But just know that I will be by your side throughout this whole thing." He squeezes my hand slightly making me meet his blue eyes. I see something in his eyes but can't pinpoint what it is, but I know it can't be good.

HARRY P.O.V

The waves of nausea keep coming at me in great waves, so much that I had to stop and sit in the gutter and heave out this mornings breakfast. Why is she doing this? Did I really mean that little to her that she not only can leave me but find someone else so quickly. I had thought me and her were on the same page. I thought I'd give her time to think and sort herself out, then once she did she would go back to Wilton to finish the program and me and her could start afresh. How could I have been so wrong?

My hands shake with so much anger and I feel myself slowly caving in on myself in my usual self-destruct mode. I push myself up from the gutter and start heading to the only place that will make me forget about how my heart just feels like it has been stomped on repetitively.

As soon as I open the door the smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol assaults my nostrils, I breath in the familiarity and let myself feel a sense of relief when I sit down at the bar and ask the busty blonde bartender for a whisky.

"Hey you're that kid from that boy band aren't ya?" she asks. I looked down at the glass in front of me that is filled with the magic liquid, and without looking up at her I reply "I'm not a kid." She gives me a smirk and leans across the bar towards me. Her chest is basically falling out of the little tank she is wearing leaving nothing to the imagination.

"Oh, believe me, I noticed." she whispers in my ear, making my skin crawl. 

I skull back the glass of whisky and order another.

"My pleasure." she smirks filling up my glass.

A blinding lights wakes me up in the morning, and for a moment I think I may of drank myself to death and this is the light that leads me to heaven or whatever that ghost whisperer says in her show. But as soon as my head starts pounding and the feeling of the hangover drapes itself over my body I know that I have survived the night and the light is just a reminder that it is just another day. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and squint at the room around me. Where the hell am I? I try to piece together my night but come up blank. The alcohol has clouded my memory and I start to panic. I pull the covers off and get out of the foreign bed. I see my clothes thrown across the floor and hastily pick them up and throw them on as I am walking to the door. I hear the sounds of a kettle boiling and follow the noise to a kitchen and the my horror there standing in the kitchen pouring two cups of coffee in only a t-shirt and underwear is the blonde bartender from last night. I take a sharp intake of breath as the worst thoughts fight their way through my head. She must of heard me because she quickly turns in my direction with a smirk playing on her lips.

"There is my wild child, want some coffee?"

Okay here is a chapter guys! Sorry for the wait, I have decided to re-do the whole plot to this story, the main parts will be the same but I have definitely changed a few things. Seriously you guys are amazing with your patience with me, if I were you I'd hate me! I have yet to go through my inboxes on here, I am about to do so though, and reply to all your lovely comments. But just to let everyone know, I will no longer be making trailers, for at least a while anyway, it really clogs up my computer and makes it super slow and well my macbook is my baby, i don't want him to die. 

Anywayyyy, has anyone here seen The Book Theif? I have read the book but im still so conflicted with watching the movie because the book was beyond amazing. It is really great to see an Aussie author go so far.

Also I need some music suggestions people?! I feel like im listening to the same songs over and over again. My music taste is very wide, so any genre will do!!

This is becoming an extremely long authors note so I will finish it off by asking if you guys could please please please vote and comment?! I don't get too many comments and have alot of ghost readers. Put it this way, the more comments I get makes me more happy, and a happy Breanna updates quicker and more often ;) ;)