It's Not My Mates

Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Slowly but surely, Sam and I had developed a routine. We were getting used to living with one another. At first it had been a struggle, because despite us being mates, there was a lot of territories we were foreign to. Such as how do we share a bed. It wasn't like our home didn't have enough rooms, it was just that our mate bond made it hard to sleep apart. The sleeping arrangements we had set in place ended as soon as I had woken up on top of him.

One day Sam had taken me out to meet some close members of the pack. I met his Beta, Daniel, who sort of made me uncomfortable. Daniel was not only Sam's Beta, but also his best friend. He probably hated me because of all the shit that had gone down between Sam and I. In all honesty, I couldn't blame him. If someone had put Ira through so much hell, I would hope that they died a slow and painful death.

For the most part, Sam and I were bonding. Which was great. We had finally started to get past all of the things that started this whole mess. For now, we were just enjoying being with each other. That's what we both needed right now. Being with each other without any pressures from the outside world meant that we could finally start healing.

“River, come here.” Sam said as I was putting dishes into the dishwasher.

I walk over to him. “What is it?”

He looks down at me. “Can you find something else to do?”

My eye brows raise in confusion. “I need to put these dirty dishes in before we have a pile of them in the sink.”

He pulls me into his body. I could feel his hard on poking at my stomach. “As much as I hate dirty dishes, I hate watching you bend over more because my mind goes to places you wouldn't believe. Trust me when I say that one day I will have you bent over and screaming my name.”

I moaned at this, closing my eyes imagining it. It was no secret that I wanted him or that he wanted me. We had decided that as part of our 'get to know one another' we wouldn't continue the mating process until we were comfortable with each other. Which is hard to do. Everything is screaming at us to make. It's against our instincts to wait this long for one another.

“How do you think I feel when I see you outside washing your car?” I ask. “Or when you come back from pack training, dripping in sweat?”

His arms wrap around me. “I think you feel the same way as I do when I see you cooking in my kitchen in my t-shirt and a pair of shorts that are way too short.”

“Maybe their shortness has a reason.” I winked at him, walking away from his embrace.

“Oh, and what would that reason be, pray tell?” he asks.

“It could be to tease you.” I continued putting the dishes back into the dishwasher. “Or maybe the real reason is that I hope you see me bend over, with those little shorts riding up my body even more.”

He runs a hand through his hair, groaning. “River, you are going to be the death of me.”

I giggled. “It's only fair! After all, Sam, you forget to take clothes into the bathroom with you. Then you have to parade around the bedroom trying to pick out what you want to wear in a damn towel that looks like it's about to fall off.”

“You know, I could arrange for it to fall off next time.” Sam says in a deep lust filled voice.

I stare at him as he makes his way over towards me. Each graceful, fluid step is like his inner wolf coming out to stalk it's prey. His darkened eyes looked me up and down. I froze. I couldn't move right now. Nothing else in this room mattered right now. It was just me and him.

“What are we doing?” I ask with a sigh as his lips are about to descend on mine.

He takes a step back, his eyes turning back to their natural hazel state. “I don't know.”

“This not completing the matting process is killing us.” I said, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

“I need to go for a run.” He says. Then his gaze casts downward, staring at the growing erection in his pants. “A cold shower first though.”

Right as he started to disappear down the hallway I called out, “Let me know if you need me to wash your back for you.”

“You are going to be the death of me, River!” He shouts before slamming the door to our bedroom, causing me to laugh.

As much as I would love to complete the mating process, I know that now isn't the right time. I was finally healing from being kidnapped. The separation from Sebastian was still crushing me, but Sam made it better. Maybe one day soon, after I'm completely healed, I'll get my son back. At the rate I'm going, that day will be very very soon.

I haven't brought it up to my mate yet. I'm afraid that he'll reject the idea of me taking my son into our home. He has to understand that I need my child. It maybe selfish of me, but I can't stand the idea of him staying with Zane calling Zane's home his as he grows up.

Then again, I also have to try to understand it from Sam's perspective. He would be taking in a young pup that wasn't his own into his home. That would be asking a lot out of him. Would he be able to do this for me? Would he be able to look past the fact that Sebastian isn't his, and treat him like his own flesh and blood?

The sound of the shower turning off made me quickly wipe the tears away. I didn't want Sam to see me like this. We were fine, I should be happy. It's just hard to be happy all the time when you still don't have your son in your arms. For now I would just have to try and be happy without him. Maybe if Sam saw that I was stable, I could be reunited with him. Then I would truly be happy.

“What's wrong?” Sam asks. He was now dressed in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

I gave him a soft smile. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

“Don't lie to me.” he growls.

The tears started to fall down my cheeks. I couldn't hold them in. Sam quickly rushes to my side, wrapping his arms around me. I cry into his neck, holding onto him for support. One of his hands began to rub my back in large comforting circles. I breathed in deeply, taking in his fresh scent.

“I miss him so much.” I sob into him.

“I know, darling, it will all get better soon.” he promises.