My Choice

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"I wish we could turn back time..to the good old days. When our momma sang us to sleep, but now we're rewinding time and screwing the world up..."

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: My Choice

   The sunset was a shimmering orange as it glowed across the whole sky, fluffy white clouds streaking out here and there. Seagulls flew above our heads, calling into the sky and looking like white dots. The breeze was crisp and chilly as it caressed my skin and ruffled my hair around. The sand crunched under my shoes, Mark's wheelchair slowly rolling alongside me.
    My stomach churned as I saw the huge whale carcass laying on the beach. I gulped, sweat dotting my forehead. I didn't want to look beside me, seeing what my best friend had become. I felt the tears start again, but bit my bottom lip harshly and swallowed my tears. We took our time, strolling alongside the sidewalk near the beach.
    More dead whales passed up as we walked by, my fear increasing the more I lingered my eyes on them. I heard Mark's machine beep and clatter, my heart hurting from the very sight of him. I looked over, seeing a soft smile on his face. He looked pale and skinny, yet the smile he had on his lips told otherwise.
    We walked in silence, my hands grasped together tightly and my face pulled into a solemn frown. He let out a nervous laugh, soft and breathy.
    "It's weird hanging out with you again.."
    "I know..I'm glad we are, though." He stared up at the the sky, his eyes distant.
    "It was nice that you sent me actual letters. That's more than any of my other friends have done. And you even wrote on that cool parchment paper. That's so Max."
    "So pretentious. But I love writing on it, like an English poet. You deserve the best stationary."
    "Probably easier to write than to visit me. I don't mean that in a bitchy way. Not totally. You probably wanted to avoid awkward conversations like this." It was still so strange to see Mark's original hair. No more angry red had been placed there, just the soft black locks he's always had. I kicked rocks in front of me as we walked, chewing my lower lip.
    "Uh...pretty much, yeah."
    "Look, the worst thing you can do is treat me like a baby. I still want to laugh and talk shit with my best friend." He suddenly stopped, his hand lifting off of the controls. I stopped as well, looking down at him. We both turned and looked at the sunset together, enjoying the view.
    "This is seriously the best view of the sunset. What do photographers call that?" I stepped closer to Mark, frowning more.
    "The Golden Hour."
    "See, without you here, I'd have no clue. Bet you could take some amazing shots. Those beaches whales are so sad. I kind of know how they feel. At least..I'm alive here with you." We followed the line of dead whales with our eyes, the sight depressing me.
    "You're a real survivor, Mark. I know you have to deal with so much."
    "I don't want anybody else feeling sorry for me. I can do that..along with my parents. My dad still feels guilty about buying me that car."
    "Are you okay to talk about the accident?"
    "We never actually have, huh?"
    "There's not much to say. Some prick in a SUV cut me off and he threw me into a ditch."
    "Do you..remember everything?"
    "I saw everything in bullet time. I felt my back snap and..and that was the last thing I ever felt in my body. When I woke up in the hospital, I literally couldn't move a muscle."
    "Jesus...I don't know what to say." I said, my voice getting choked up and my eyes casting towards the rough sea waters.
    "Don't say anything. I'm just happy I did get to see you again. I could've ended up vanishing out of the blue like that girl from Blackwell." My heart contracted as I looked at my feet intensely.
    "You mean Rachel Amber? When was the last time you talked to her?"
    "Uh, never. I read about her in the news. I didn't even know her name. You did?"
    "This is such a different world then we were kids, isn't it?"
    "After that snow and eclipse, its more like the end of the world."
    "You think so? I haven't kept up with the details."
    "I have more time on my hands than you..plus I'm a science nerd. But..none of this makes sense."
    "I know things seem out of control, but..as long as we're together, I don't feel afraid."
    "Hanging out with you makes me feel like a total kid again. You don't even know."
    "Listen, Mark, I'm sorry I haven't been out out to see you more. That was wrong. You're my best friend." He looked up at me slightly, his lips pursed and his hands gently intertwined together.
    "Max, thanks for coming out to see me. You're..you're doing awesome."
    "I don't think so.."
    "Uh, my nose is getting cold. Maybe we should head back to my place?"
    "It is hella cold out here."
    "Hella"? I hate that word, no offense." I stared at Mark for a little while longer, just taking him in. His skin was paler, his hair messy and unkept. He looked worn out and tired, like a rag hung up to dry. He didn't have that spark in his eyes, that rebellious feel to him or that smirk he always wore. He wasn't Mark anymore..he wasn't anybody anymore.
    "None taken." We walked back to his house, once again in silence. This time it didn't feel too awkward, it felt kinda nice. He was in his bed now, the room cozy and warm. Except, if wasn't his bed anymore..it was a hospital bed.
    He was covered in several blankets, his room totally changed into a tech cave. Machines stood behind him, tubes and wires going every which way. I sat in a chair next to him, my hands folded together.
    "This is a pretty high-tech lair."
    "Feels like a high-tech cell. But I am lucky my parents work their ass off to take care of me. I know it's hard for them."
    "They're grateful you are here with them."
    "Right, especially when they can't even take a walk alone. Sometimes I act like a total teenage brat just to give them an excuse to yell at me. Pathetic, I know."
   "Mark, you're a great son. You're kind and sensitive, when you don't even have to be."
    "Trust me, I still get my rage on. Especially when a nurse has to watch while I take a dump, so she can wipe my bum. Or when doctors flip me around like I was a science doll." I rubbed my face, my guilt growing strong by the minute.
    "I can't even imagine.." I turned towards him now, my hand resting lightly on the blanket.
    "But you're still amazing. You always have been since we were kids." He turned his head, a tube sticking out of his neck and leading to one of the big machines on the floor. He gave me a small smile, his brown eyes softening.
    "Thanks again for coming, Max. I, uh...need to get my drink on. Can..can you bring me some water?" I nodded, patting his hand and standing up.
    My eyes trailed along the several snow globes stacking his shelves and was surprised to see a big teddy bear resting on his dresser. I looked over at the closed window near his bed. Does Mark ever look out at the garden and think about his childhood? He can't even feel the grass now.
    I reached over and grabbed the cup of water laying on his cabinet. Instead of handing Mark a bong..I'm feeding him water. Did I give him a choice? I walked back over to Mark and held the straw near his mouth.
    "Drink up, Buttercup." He rolled his eyes at the nickname, but started sipping down the water. He drained the whole cup, turning his head to let me take the cup away from him.
    "Oh man, no wonder my throat is dry. I don't think I've talked this much the whole year."
    "Have you ever thought of doing a podcast or something?"
    "I wish I could punch your face right now. A podcast? Dude I am a pod in a cast, boring." He chuckled, leaning back into his pillow.
    "Ouch, just a thought."
    "I know you're just trying to help."
    "Yeah, that's a bad habit of mine."
    "You sound like an adult now. It seems like we were kids in another life."
    "To me, it seems like yesterday we were little brats here, watching "Power Rangers" and destroying the kitchen."
    "Oh my god, we covered everything in flour, even my parents."
    "That was so hilarious."
    "But a long time ago. You're the only person that I grew up with who visits me. As you can see, I can't keep all of my other friends away." He had a sad smile on his face, his eyes casting down at his immobile body beneath the covers.
    "You have me. I'm not leaving you, Mark."
    "Well, you didn't visit me a lot either. I mean, I loved your cards and photos, but.."
    "I know I wasn't around much. No excuses, I'm a loser. But, I am trying to make things right."
    "How? Dude, you're not Super Max. And I'm not trying to guilt trip you. That's what my parents are for."
    "I know this is a dumb question, but..are you lonely here?"
    "Yes, dumb question. I don't mind being alone. I can't exactly go party like a rock star, though. Or get in any teen trouble with the folks."
    "I think Joyce and Williams are incredible.."
    "Max, the accident has been so hard on them. Our insurance sucks and the medical bills are fucking insane."
    "Can they pay all the bills?"
    "No way. They keep the numbers away from me, but it doesn't take much research to find out I'm costing my parents almost a million dollars a year."
    "Mark, you're priceless. Uh, no pun intended." Mark let out a laugh, shaking his head. In that split second I could see the smirk he wore in his other life.
     "You're such a geek. That's why I love you. Of course, I know a geek when I be one. See, I'm practically a human entertainment system. It would be sweet to chill out together and watch a movie, like when you'd spend the night at my house."I started smiling, looking back at the TV he had in the front of the room and then back at his face.
    "What do you want to watch?"
    "Uh, I think I'm in, like a mellow "Blade Runner" mood. I always cry at the end. Plus you know I always wanted to have cool colored bangs like Pris." I smiled, a picture of Punk Mark flashing in my head.
    "I know. You would look incredible with red hair. Now let's get this show on the road! And you better not fall asleep on me, like you always do when we watch movies."
    "I remember Max. Swear I won't fall asleep. Not when you're here. Not yet." I walked over to the dresser underneath the TV, easily finding the movie disc. I slipped it into the TV, smiling. I moved close to Mark, moving the chair beside his bed.
    We shared a look for a few seconds before I leaned my elbow on his bed and watched the movie. I felt Mark's eyes on my back but I didn't turn around. I stayed facing the screen, letting the fantasy movie play out and my thoughts eat me alive.

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