Push and Pull (E.D + G.D.)

TWENTY-ONE

Mature content, strong language

My feet drag me to the time clock and I swipe my badge before leaning against the wall and taking a deep breath, relaxing for the first time all night. My head is pounding and my heart is broken over the fragile life I lost tonight.

I had been called to the ER for a traffic accident victim. I ran into the room to find a tiny two-year-old in the middle of utter chaos. After pushing to the head of the bed to intubate her all I could see in her airway was blood. It came gushing out of her mouth and nose with each compression on her tiny, broken chest.

"Stop," the doctor commanded and we froze so he could assess for a heart rate. "Get me another round of EPI!" Compressions resumed and I suctioned blood from her mouth praying for a glimpse of her airway. I saw it and shoved a tube down so I could bag her but blood flooded the tube and I knew we'd lost her.

My eyes met the doctors' who looked down to see the blood flooding the tube and he knew it was over. "Have we done everything we can? Does anyone have any suggestions?" Everyone went silent and he held up his hand, "Let's stop. We've lost her."

A nurse tried to put her battered body under a sheet so her mom could see her but each one she laid on top was soaked with blood almost immediately. I walked out and leaned against the wall by the door and propped my hands on my knees. Taking a deep breath I looked up and straight into the eyes of a terrified mother.

All I could think about was Harper and how it would shatter the very foundation of my world if I lost her. I felt the tears falling down my cheeks but I couldn't look away from her eyes. A sob broke from her chest and she collapsed onto her knees and I caught her before she slumped to the floor.

We sat like that for a long time as I held her while she sobbed. The doctor came out to talk to her and a nurse helped her up to take her to see her daughter but as she walked away she grabbed my hand and pulled me with her into the last place I wanted to be.

I've seen a lot of deaths in the NICU and none of them were easy. I've taken care of babies that have fought every day of their short lives who couldn't hold on any longer. I've held them as they've taken their last breath before their parents could get to them.

Each one of those deaths had been hard for me but not like tonight. Tonight was different and Im different because of it. Everything comes into perspective for me and I suddenly know exactly who I want to be with.

Taking the elevator to the ground floor, I absentmindedly walk out into the parking garage. Grayson always parks in the same spot when he comes up here so I walk across the space slowly letting my mind wander. I don't realize the tense situation in front of me until I almost walk right into it.

"You can't just say she's yours. It's her decision!" "We've been together for years; you've only known her for a few days. So back off!" Hunter stalks up to him, "You can go fuck yourself. At least I haven't repeatedly beaten the shit out of her," he counters darkly.

Grayson's fists clench at his sides and I know he's going to hit him if he doesn't shut up. I've never seen them this close to each other before so its only now that I notice theyre roughly the same height and build.

I wonder for a second who would win if they were to fight but I quickly push the thought from my mind and pull out my phone

Blake            Hey I'm running really late.
                       It'll probably be an hour if
                       you want to go back home and
                       I'll catch an Uber

I glance up to see his reaction as I hear the ding when he receives the message. He shoves his phone back into his pocket glaring at Hunter, "She's gonna be a few hours still," he lies before making his way around the driver's side, climbing in and backing out of the space.