#visible

Walk in My Shoes... Depression

Depression has been the only constant in my life, and even that wavers. I started my life with depression having its eyes on me. At 4, my dad died. At 7, I got my first therapist for writing hate letters to myself for Christmas. At age 11, my cousin was murdered. The next year was when everything really started to go down.

I almost failed math in 6th grade. In 7th grade I was cyberbullied, and in 8th grade I fell apart, going to two mental hospitals. I almost had to be held back a year. I also almost killed myself.

In 9th grade, I barely went to my classes, I went to the hospital again, and I ended up transferring to a new school. It was there where things finally started to get better. In 10th grade, one of my teachers suggested I do an independent study on depression. It was there where everything really started to change. I learned so much about the thing that had been affecting my life more than anything else.

I started with the facts. I learned that depression is the #1 mental disorder in the world, affecting 5% of the global population, or 350 million people. There is a 25% chance that any one person will experience depression in their lifetime. That surprised me. It made me feel less alone. It also enraged me because as many people die from suicide every year as breast cancer, but depression receives 1/100 of the funding that breast cancer gets.

Depression is something that no one should have to deal with, as is breast cancer, and if we are losing as many people to breast cancer as we are to depression, then it's time for them to get equal funding. However, depression isn't something people want to talk about. They would rather talk about anything but depression, including cancer. And I get it, who wants to talk about someone being so sad (Even though that is not a good word to use for depression. It is more than sad, it is depressed) that they want to take their life. However, that's exactly why we NEED to talk about it. People are taking their lives. If someone was dying from an illness, doctors and scientists would try to figure out a solution.

So why don't we do this for depression? Maybe because people who don't have depression don't get how hard it is. They don't understand sometimes. They think 'suck it up'.

So here I am, to tell you- what is depression is actually like?

About a month ago, I was in such a big depression that I couldn't be alone. I couldn't trust my own thoughts and I couldn't trust my emotions. I almost went to the hospital. I almost killed myself, not because I'm 'weak', but because depression is like trying to run 10 miles after days with no food, water, or sleep.

It feels like you can't do anything and it affects your body, too. Depression can make you physically sick. It can make you have trouble falling asleep, tired, migraines, joint pain, back pain, and bloating. It can make you more likely to die of other causes, like heart disease, stroke, and respiratory conditions.

Depression doesn't just affect your happiness, it affects your health and life in general. This is why we NEED to talk about depression. This is why we need to know. People are dying because of our ignorance or discomfort talking about depression. If we all work together, we could find ways to help people, to keep them safe, and to keep them alive.

by...

alltheducks