His Broken Mate

Chapter 19

Elaina's POV

I awaken with a terrified shriek from one of my usual nightmares, breathing heavily and crying. It was a lot worse than usual this time. I take a couple shaky breaths and look at Xavier, who must have woken up when I screamed. I look away, embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault. What happened?" I shrug.

"Just another nightmare," I mumble, trying to dry my cheeks to no avail; the tears won't stop coming.

"Do . . . Do you want to talk about it?" He asks hesitantly.

"No," I sob quietly. I gently untangle my limbs from the warm embrace of my mate and the blanket. I wipe my face one last time as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from Xavier. I get embarrassed when people actually witness my fucked-up-ness instead of just seeing bruises. Luckily this wasn't one of my full-on night terrors, but those happen pretty often, so he'll probably see me have one soon. I shakily stand up and blindly find the bathroom.

I flinch when the bright lights flicker on, so it's with squinting eyes that I turn on the faucet and splash cold water on my face, trying to calm down. "It's just a dream," I whisper to myself. "Just another bad dream." With trembling hands, I shut off the flow of water and slowly sink to the floor, curling up in a ball.

I press myself up against the wall behind me to try and ground myself, but I can't get the images from my dream out of my head. My mom...

I shudder, and take deep breaths. I glance up to lock eyes with Xavier, who's looking at me pitifully. "I'm sorry, Elaina. Is there something I can do?" I shake my head no.

"I-I'm used to d-dealing with it on m-my own," I whisper, still slightly sobbing, sending tremors through my chest. Xavier slowly sits down next to me and I bury my head into my knees so he can't see me cry. I feel him get really close and I instinctually start tensing up in fear, awaiting a smack or a shout, but the softness of his near-whisper shocks me.

"You don't have to deal with it on your own anymore." He gently wraps his arms around me and my sobs intensify, making my whole body tremble. It would've been better if he just got angry at me, I wouldn't be left with all this confusion and mixed feelings. The fact that anyone would actually love me is still implausible to me, my family made sure of that. His kind words and gentle touch hurts more than a punch does because I know it's just an illusion.

"Stop," I sob. "Just stop caring and hurt me already! I can't take anymore of you acting scary one minute and sweet the next! I know you're going to hurt me once you stop deluding yourself to think you care about me. You're eventually going to get fed up with my bullshit and punish me, so just do it already!" I stop with another sob and take a deep breath, and cry quietly, "Please. Just please stop."

During my rant I managed to break out of his hold and scoot away; I curl back up into a terrified little ball awaiting his fury. I was too scared to look up at him while talking but he didn't move a muscle or say anything. He didn't even protest when I pushed his arms off of me, and he still isn't doing anything. I slowly look up, flinching from the thought of Xavier being furious with me.

My eyes slowly meet his and I see tears flowing down his face, making me feel like my heart just got ripped out. My throat closes up in sadness and regret, but I meant every word I said. Being in a relationship with me involved will not end well for either of us. I see his large hand come slowly towards my face and squeeze my eyes shut in fear, but the soft, gentle touch gracing my cheek and jaw are more shocking than a slap would be.

My eyes dart open in shock, I really thought he was going to punish me for speaking so rudely and out of place. I see him open his mouth a couple times, but can't seem to find the right words to say. Finally, he clears his throat and speaks in a soft, gentle voice.