Don't Let Me Push You Away (Simon Minter Fanfic)

Chapter 33 *Simon's POV*

I haven't been eating, or sleeping. Not since the day she left me. If I could help it I barely stepped foot into my own room. It managed to smell like her and it had been over three weeks. The atmosphere of this house was weird without her, so weird that Jide had been staying in his penthouse a lot more lately. When he'd let me, I'd stay with him and if I couldn't, I'd sleep on the couch in our flat. It was one thing bearing my surroundings when I was recording videos but sleeping in our bed?

Some people think that it wouldn't matter more than anything else but never did they have a Kelsey. That bed is where she opened up to me the most. At 4am when I was finally crawling into bed and she was trying her hardest to keep those captivating eyes open, that's when another piece of her wall would come crashing down. She always thought the next thing she said would make me run away, never believing that her stories, her strength, could make me fall impossibly harder for her. But I did.

Every time I closed my eyes, she was there, wrapped up in my duvet with no clothes. The white covers contrasted her freckles skin perfectly. I wished there were better words to say, but I'm no poet. To her, everything I said was a masterpiece, the right amount of corny and she would say. It wasn't hard to do when talking about the love of my life. Like the curve of her body that teased me endlessly. Or when she'd lean back to laugh at something stupid I said and her small arm would attempt to shield her bare breasts. Every single inch of her body was burnt into my brain. That used to be a blessing, now it was an absolute fucking curse reminding me that I lost the best thing that had ever waltz into my life.

I shot up from my spit on the black leather couch, sweat dripping down my body, even though it was cold in that flat. The time on my phone said 9am, and I knew that was all the sleep for me today. With much effort I forced myself to stand up and go over to the refrigerator in hopes that me appetite had come back overnight. Scanning that items in front of me I realized, that nothing had changed.

Comments on my videos showed that my viewers were starting to notice too. Things like "you're not talking as much as you used to," and "get some sleep, you have bags under your eyes," were close to being the top comments. That upset me even more because my job was to make people happy and now all they did was worry. Everything I put out was a lie. In my videos I looked happy, sort of, even laughed when I had to, but I was miserable. And apparently I wasn't fooling anyone.

Life didn't feel as simple as being happy in your own. That if you relied on happiness by being with someone else that you aren't in a healthy relationship. But why? I was content and happy before I met Kelsey and she showed me what a different feeling happiness was when you were in love. All the emotions I had were multiplied, good and bad. Losing love was like losing an ecstasy, a fairytale feeling. And the sadness you felt that was elevated when she was there? Well, that never seems to go away. In my opinion, that is.

A key in the lock at the front door thankfully took my mind off of wherever my thoughts were going because currently I was stood in the kitchen with my head against the cool counter. To relieve myself from my position I decided to stand up and greet the person who was most likely JJ, him being the only other person who wasn't here that had a key.

Once I left his penthouse a few days ago, we hadn't really spoken. Something was on his mind that he didn't want to tell me. The last thing I needed was secrets.

"Hey man," he said once he saw me leaning against the wall. "Do you know if Vik is awake?"

"I have no idea, but you might be able to catch him before he goes to sleep." Vik's sleeping schedule consisted of going to sleep in the afternoon and waking up before we started recording our videos for the night. Usually I wasn't much better, but I did try going to bed before the sun rose. Before everything.