Don't Let Me Push You Away (Simon Minter Fanfic)

Chapter 12

By some miracle Harry agreed to meet me for lunch, seeing that we could have left off on better terms. I had no idea what to expect when I saw him. How would he feel? How would I feel? There was a chance he wouldn't care about my apology and I can't blame him. He was so blind to what I was feeling, I made him look so stupid. The only person I could blame is myself, not Simon, not what I went through. It was all me, I knew what I was doing: being selfish.

What do I even wear to something like this? It really wasn't a big deal but it kept my mind off how nervous I was. I couldn't wear anything that made it look like I was trying too hard because it wasn't about me looking pretty but I didn't want Harry to think I wasn't trying at all for him. In the end my choice was a pair of light jeans and a pink razor back cropped top. It was insane how anxious I was, my hands were even shaking, making doing my makeup nearly impossible.

To calm my nerves I mumbled the words to Lana Del Ray's songs, music was always a good escape for me. JJ was wrong about the music I listened to, I didn't listen to a genre, it was the lyrics I cared about. Most of the music he listened to didn't have a purpose, or at least a purpose I wasn't interested in. Honestly, the only music I ever listened to that was completely outrageous was JJ's. They were so stupid that they were catchy.

"Where have you been hiding that voice?" The boy I was just thinking about said, suddenly behind me. My entire body jumped off the ground, almost making me mess up my eyeliner.

"Fuck off."

"I'm serious, thinking about it you never sang in front of me before. You're really good, you should make a video about it one day."

"Did you come in here to tell me that?"

"Actually no. As you know, there's nothing calm about me so for your birthday, I will be throwing you a massive, obnoxious party at my penthouse. It's next Friday and will be completely up to you if you want to invite Simon and Harry. Everyone else has already been invited. You should be excited, or scared, whatever."

I wasn't the kind of person to make a big deal about my birthday, but I knew it was a big deal to JJ to go all out. So there would be no complaints on my end. "Thanks JJ," I pulled him into a hug. "Now get out so I can finish getting ready to face Harry."

When he left a sigh left my lips, even though there was 9 days to decide if I wanted the two boys to come, I already knew the answer. There wasn't much to think about, of course they could come and have fun with their friends. They weren't going to be the only two left out. Either way I was going to have a great time, JJ would make sure of it.

We decided to meet at some cafe right in between both of our houses. I left the house a little earlier than if I knew where I was going. Getting Harry to accept my apology was going to be easy part, he was such an understanding guy. It was getting him to be in my life that I was afraid was going to be difficult. I'll never forget the way he looked at me that night when he left me sitting in the bathroom, I really had broke him. He trusted his feelings, trusted me and I ruined all of that by not telling the truth. We could have been okay if I told him what I was really thinking. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I didn't even deserve his friendship.

The houses that I passed were a lot nicer than I was used to. All of them were big and pretty, not a stain on the siding, or a lawn overgrown. In a way it was beautiful, and in another, it felt empty. None of those houses looked like they were lived in. It didn't look like it had a past with memories of kids running back and forth over the grass. There were no toys or bikes to be seen. No anything. Bad or good.

That's when I decided that no matter how better of a person I could be, wanted to be, I never wanted to be perfect. Of course there was no such thing, and that those houses were in fact lived in and full of, hopefully, good memories. But they looked perfect, and therefore looked empty. If I looked perfect, like everything in my life was going smoothly, I had a feeling I would look empty to. I wanted people to look at me and see a girl who has been through a lot, good and bad. I've seen a lot in my life, and never wanted to lose that.