Lonely Hearts Club // Book One

Chapter Eleven

January 30th, 2014

The moment Luke noticed my jacket, was the moment that I was finally fed up with talking with him. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy his company- no, I really did. But it was frustrating. He'd never be able to fully trust me, and obviously Calum doesn't know some certain things about him too. So why should I be forced to talk to Luke just about me if he won't speak a word about himself? And well, god damn, I hoped that someday everything would spill like coffee.

It was a matter of time before he and I ended up on the play castle again, looking up at the sky practically holding on to each other for dear life. Whatever it was, nothing wasn't in the picture. I was still mad, despite how much I told myself not to be. Suddenly, being next to him felt awkward and wrong, so maybe I just needed time to breathe. Breathe, I couldn't breathe. I was thinking too much, and I couldn't breathe.

Luckily, he wasn't holding my hand like the other day. We were just two normal friends having nothing to talk about. The only sound in the night was me struggling for air, but Luke didn't notice. Not until I blindedly searched for his hand and squeezed it lightly, causing him to turn and look at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked. I didn't know how to respond, or if I should respond at all- so I coughed and felt Luke's hand slide up my arm to just below my shoulder. "Paige, oh my God."

What came next, somewhat shocked me. Luke helped me up and hugged me tight, making me not breathe at all. But when he let go, it felt like I had all the air in the world.

"How'd- how'd you do that?" I whipsered, clutching his arms. Even though I was freaking out, he was smiling down at me like he was proud of himself. Which he probably was, I wouldn't be surprised.

"Just a little skill I taught myself when I would get panic attacks-" Did he say panic attack? "You do anything to get rid of all air so your body can easily restore it without struggle," and he just shrugged like it was no big deal. But I was still caught up on the fact that I had a minor panic attack. Why?

"W-why would I have a panic atta-ack?" I shivered besides the fact that it wasn't cold.

"That's something only you know, Paige," he pointed out, gripping my arms right back. We were standing, looking at each other like some miracle just happened. Frankly, I kind of wanted Calum to show up and make the situation a little less dreary. He would always make me smile, but right now, I was scared.

"Will you talk to me, Luke?"

"What do you mean?" he sat himself back down and I sat across from him, but I distanced myself.

"Will you tell me why everything is the way it is with you? I've been dying of curiosity since day one- you're hiding so much. What is there to lose, Luke?"

I think he was shocked, but his expression was unreadable. His hands couldn't stay still, from picking his nails to scratching at the surface of the play castle, it bothered me. And his eyes focused on anything but me, then his tongue would casually dart across his lips to wet them as he thought out how to respond to my request. All I could do was examine him, and wonder how someone could possibly be so beautiful yet not know it.

Luke pressed his lips together into a thin line after countless minutes of him gnawing at them, just to come up with something to say to me. Shortly, I had a gut feeling that he didn't trust me.

"I could lose you... that's how severe everything is." His breathing was so off and I watched him occasionally hold his breath to try and calm it. It didn't work.

"I know too much to walk away. But it's okay, if it's personal, I get it. I have a hard time trusting people, too."

I thought that would have been a proper thing to say in the situation- well directly opposite.