As we entered the comforts of Dan's home I was hit with the warmth and the friendly essence. Dan and I walked further in to his home until I was familiarised with his living room, a room I see In all of his videos. As me and Dan walked past the small Morden kitchen he lead me to the bathroom (so I knew where it was) and to his editing room (in case I needed him for anything). He showed me where Phil's room was and then he showed me his room. It seemed a lot lighter in real life, instead of threw a camera lens, I liked it. It looked really organised and neat, witch if he was anything like my brother joey, his room would be a total mess. (AN/- Joey is Brookes brother who lives in America with their mum and John, Joey is 15 and has a really bubbly personality, she doesnt speak to him that often.)
"you room is really.. neat!" I smiled at him, but he looked un-easy about me talking? ... Dan looked up and slyly spoke "I have OCD." He fiddled with his thumbs before leaving me standing shocked in the centre of his room. He walked past me without saying another work, he walked in to the kitchen before he finally spoke "drink?..." he didn't even look up. "um, yeah please, but just water" Dan looked confused but ran the tap a little before putting the glass under and filling it with the fresh, cool water. I couldn't tell him I had a eating+ drinking disorder, he wouldn't understand, he would think i was an attention seeker which isn't true, so thats why Dan couldn't find out.I walked over into the lounge and sat on the sofa before pulling my phone out of my pocket and looking on twitter. I saw a tweet that dan had posted : "I think I'm in love with an angle, that I almost killed with my fingers... #sorry" I felt my cheeks go a pink red, hopefully that was about me!
DANS POV:
We walked in to my apartment and I showed Brooke around showing her the bathroom, Phil's room and my room. But when we were looking around my room she picked out that I'm a really clean and neat person, not meaning anything by it, but I figured I should tell her if I want a relationship with her , I should tell her... not about everything, I don't want her to know that I cut my wrists because I'm depressed and a worthless piece of shit. Only Phil knows that. But I should tell her about my really BAD OCD... its really annoying as I can't go to sleep until I've fluffed the pillows a few times, and all my clothes have to be in colour range (which isn't had as I only 'really' wear dark colours.) Phil gets quite annoyed sometimes because I'm always moving letters around and he can never find anything which really annoys him... which can be funny (LOL...)... then my mind flicked over a possible situation, if Brooke ever found out that I cut my wrists she would leave me. And i don't think i can function without her. She can never find out. Ever.
BROOKES POV:
Dan was acting really weird, always walking off to his room and not coming back for at least half an hour, leaving me alone watching some crap on the TV that I wasn't even watching, but playing 'clay jam' on my iPhone. I couldn't get it off my mind, what is he doing that's taking so long? It was scaring me, what's wrong with him. After he got back he sat down for 5 or 10 minuets before he got up and went to his room for the 3rd time this evening?! this time i decided I should follow him... I opened his door. And saw Dan who was sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. His knees were tucked in to his chest, his head against them. I stepped in to his room. Dan didn't realise I was watching him. I walked over and kneeled down next to him to pull him into a hug. I let him cry on my shoulder, my shirt getting damp from all his tears? I was now really confused... "Dan, what's wrong!? You need to tell me! Why are you crying?" he didn't say anything just sobbed quietly. As soon as he stopped he looked up at me, He had really red eyes and his cheeks were wet from the tears that streamed down his face. Sometimes I wish I could read his mind to find out what's wrong. I stood up lifting him up with me and leading him over to his bed and lying down. I patted the space next to me, signalling for him to join me and he did, carefully climbing on. We layed on our back looking up at the selling. I untwined my fingers together with dans before leaning my head an faint his "Dan, whats up? and please don't say nothing because I know there is!" I shouted quietly (if that make sense.) He just stayed quite. Like he was in a permanent daze, like he couldn't even hear me. i decided it was the time to tell him about me and my cutting habits... "da, dan..." he sat up and pulled me into a hug. "whats up?" 'it's now or never' I told my self. I lifted my rubber bands carefully up my arm so you could see the sore red lines along my wrist. Dan's eyes flew up to mine tears formed, falling onto his cheeks "Babe. I I'm so sorry" I got up to leave but Dan grabbed my wrist and just as I was about to pull him off, I noticed. I looked deep into his eyes. I flung myself in to his wide open arms, i didn't know what else TODO my mind is so desperate for answers it hurt! As i hugged his tightly, it made us fall so I was basically straddling him. I was planting little kisses all over his face. "Why Dan, your so perfect! Tell me why!" I sat on his lap, Dan sighed before putting his arms around my back steadying us before he began to talk.
After our long and hearty convocation, which I think we both needed I found out that, we Weren't so different. The reason why he cuts is because he gets so much hate over his videos on twitter+tumblr+facebook saying he's gay and that he should go and commit suicide and people on the street call him emo. He also said he's been single for over 8 years he thought he wasn't good enough for anyone. This made me cry, I thought he was perfect why would anyone ever say that? It also made me angry that Dan thought little of himself. But then it was my turn to tell my story. It was hard but we both learned so much about each other and now I felt like I could tell Dan everything. I felt like he knew what I was going through, and now I knew his secret I was going to help him and that was final. Brooke and Dan against the world.
Me and Dan layed there for a while before he got up, holding my hands and standing in front of me, my legs were hanging of the side of the bed, I was looking up towards Dan. I smiled up at him, he smiled back, playing with my fingers as he did so "Brooke Lee, will you be my girlfriend!?"I gasped, my air had been cut off. I couldn't belive it Dans asked me to be his girlfriend! I jumped up and pulled his lips to mine, moulding perfectly together! "yes.yes.yes.yes.fuck. YES!" I said while I peppered his face with tiny kisses once more.
"I love you Dan" I said looking straight into his eyes. He smiled his signature smile that showed off his gorgeous dimples before kissing my lips, then pulling away slightly... I swear I saw a twinkle in his deep brown eyes when he said, "Brooke, I love you more" I felt my tummy tingle like there was really a butterfly in my stomach! He pulled me close and I put my head on his chest, everything's perfect.
Just wait for god to fuck it alllll up.
AN/- hello! What do you think/ none of this is actually true, Dan Howell doesn't self-harm. (I don't think so anyway) I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as It was quite hard to write as self-harm is something that is really close to my heart(not literally!) I also took me AWHILE to write this! 1,207 words.. wow new chapter soon byyee internet! (haha)
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rARW! LisaSR xx
