Silver (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 15

 Ergh after you read this chapter you’ll probably a) completely hate me and want to murder me with a plastic fork or b) stop reading this book overall and just leave because it’s so depressing.

BUT IT GETS BETTER AND HAPPIER WITH UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS AND SHIT I PROMISE.

Dun give up on this yet…pweaaase? :c


____________________




Grayson’s POV




At about 4:30 AM, I wake up to a start. The embers from the dying fire were my only source of light, and when I looked down, the dim glow was enlightening Blaire’s face.


Blaire’s still wrapped up in my arms, head on my chest, and his fingers are in his mouth. He’s making a soft purring sound as he sleeps, and his right leg is draped over mine.


I go back to sleep, knowing that he’s okay.


At 7:30, however, I wake up again.


My arms are cold, the fire is dead outside, the sky’s a gloomy grey color, and the tent flap is flying in the breeze.


Blaire’s gone.





Blaire’s POV




“Open your mouth,” Justin demands, spooning a scoop of Cheerios. I do as told, then quickly swallow it without actually chewing.  Jordan’s fangirling…or fanboying, I suppose, over us, and he buries his face into his hands, squealing all the while. But no one knows what I’m thinking.


What did I do last night? Was that cheating on Justin, even if he didn’t dub us as official?


Did I hurt Grayson again?


“You okay?” Justin asks oddly, staring at me. “You’ve been so distant lately.”


“I haven’t been distant,” I argue, looking at Jordan for backup.


“You kind of have been,” Jordan shrugs, poking at his cereal. “Sorry.”


“Oh, I’m fine,” I lied, looking at Grayson in the distance. He’s standing on a rock and looking out into the lake. “I’m fine. Trust me.”


“Well, whatever you say,” Justin says, looking over at where I’m looking. “Why’re you staring at that dick?”


“I’m not,” I protested, drawing in the dirt with my finger. “I was staring at the sunrise.”


“Okay.” Justin says, and Jordan snorts. Jordan’s smart enough to know that the sunrise is precisely behind us. Justin’s not very smart, is he?


Well, what the hell do I do now?


“I’ve gotta pee,” I lied, getting up. “Don’t wait up.”


“But Blai—“


I quickly stalk away, over to the big rock where Grayson’s standing. “Pssst.” I whisper, trekking past him slowly.


“What.” He deadpans, still looking out into the distance. He stuffs his hands in the pocket of his black coat, a swirl of his breath coming out from his mouth.


“Come with me?” I ask, quickly turning back to look at Justin, who’s looking at me with a curious glance. “Hurry, before Justin sees.”


“What, am I your secret something now?” Grayson glowers, leaning down to pick up a rock. He skips it through the water, and the current takes the rock away. “No.”


“Please,” I beg. “I’m sorry about what happened last night.”


“You’re sorry?” Grayson snarls. “That’s even better, Blaire! I’m glad you regretted that.”


No! Everything was coming out wrong! “That’s not what I meant, Grayson. You know that.”


“No, I know exactly what you fucking mean, Blaire. Last night I admitted that I loved you, and okay, whatever. I’m fine with the fact that you’re dating Justin, because you’re not mine. But the thing is, you actually stayed with me last night and acted like I mattered. You led. Me. On.” He stabbed my chest with his index finger, enunciating his words.  “I knew you were going to hurt me, but I didn’t want to hurt you. That’s why I let you stay, hoping that maybe, you’d stay until the morning.”


I could feel my lower lip quiver, and I know that what he’s saying is true.


If it weren’t true, it wouldn’t have hurt.


“I’m sorry,” I squeaked, but all Grayson does is scoff and turn away, flipping his hood up.


“Just go, Blaire. When you’re ready, I’ll be here.” He then proceeds to jump off the rock and walk into the woods.


Alone, as always.


Good job, Blaire. I’m glad you’ve hurt a guy that you like a lot. What are you doing, even dating Justin?


What are you doing.


I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m too scared to actually do anything about Grayson. Or Justin. I’m letting myself be tossed about.


When I turn back around to go after Grayson, he’s gone. No footsteps, no trail, no nothing.


Like he was merely a part of my past.






Grayson’s POV




Kinda stupid, really, how I like Blaire. Why on earth would anyone fall for a fucking twat who can’t make up his mind? Who can’t take his own fucking stand?


I don’t get it, but I fell for him anyways.


Oh well. He had made me happy.


I keep on walking and walking deeper into the forest, breathing in the isolation around me. I need this time; I need this alone time. It’s freezing and there are probably wild animals out here, but I don’t care. They can fucking eat me for all I care.


To be honest, I’d rather be dead than here. I wouldn’t mind sleeping forever. At least, that way, I wouldn’t have to be everybody’s maid and get underappreciated and shit like that. At least I wouldn’t have to look at Blaire on Justin’s lap and know that I almost had Blaire.


Everything is an almost with me. I almost felt like I mattered, I almost had it all with my parents, I almost had Blaire.


Everything is so fucking stupid. I’m making such a big deal out of little things.


I stop near a spawning redwood tree and simply stare at it. Stare at the branches looming over everything. It’s as if Aunt Cecilia is the base of the tree, and all the branches are us. The beautiful, spawning branches, all pointing upwards.


But trees always have that one ugly, dead, worthless branch on it. The one branch that points downwards, and is always covered with a slimy moss.


That branch would be me.


I climb the tree and reach the rotting branch, staring at the moss that grew from it. It’s disgusting and slimy, but as I touch it, it’s one of the most beautiful things to me.


I stand on the rotting branch and look down at the tip of the silver lake, where the current is running fast and hard. It’s about a  fifty foot drop from up here, and I can see everything.


All of a sudden, there’s a creak. Then a snap. Then I realize that I’m


falling


and


falling


and


falling.


I feel my back break through the water, and cold water quickly envelops me. It soaks my coat, it soaks everything so I’m sinking deeper and deeper


and deeper.


I know that I could swim upwards and get out if I really, really wanted to.


But I open my eyes, and through the clear water, I can see the brightness of the sun shining through the water. My coat is holding me down, but I don’t mind. I can see the glistening sun through the water. And it’s not something you see everyday.


I breathe in.


I wouldn’t mind staying here.


No, not at all.


Would anyone miss you?


No. No one.


The only reason why I haven’t really committed suicide to get out this misery is because a funeral is damn expensive. I’d die for the pleasure of everyone.


Everyone mistreating a person can lead them over the edge. Just look at me.


One less mouth to feed. One less person to provide for. One less disgusting face to look at. One less problem in the house. In fact, all of Aunt Cecilia’s problems would be gone. No more Grayson to yell at. Who would care, you tell me.


What did I have to look forward to? A lifetime working in McDonalds, right? Being miserable all the time?


The world is fading to grey as I breathe in again, the cold water entering my lungs. My left ribs hit something hard and sharp, and a flash of pain runs and scours my side.


But I can’t care.


More grey. Dimmer and dimmer.


No one cares.


Dimmer.


Until everything is completely gone.