"Where are you going, I thought Jinxx grounded you?" I glare at him. "I'm just going to give my friend his shirt back." I say as I step off the bus and he follows me. "You aren't allowed to leave on your own so I'll just follow you." He says in his annoying voice. I ignore him and see Jaime. I've only met Vic so far and Jaime is my favorite ptv member.
"OMG Jaime!" I scream and grab onto his leg. He looks confused until CC comes. "I see you've met Jinxx's sister? Good, because she needs a babysitter and I don't want to watch her anymore. Could you please take her to give a shirt back to her friend?" CC asks and I feel tears in my eyes. "You don't want to watch me anymore, is that your way of saying I annoy you?" I ask and before he can reply Jaime smiles and says "of course I'll watch her!"
I smile and hug his leg tighter. "Ok could you let go so that I can walk?" he asks and even though I want to hold on forever, I want him to be happy. I start walking towards the area I guessed my friends would be. "Hey, I was wondering why you're so mean and bully me?" Alissa asks most likely knowing I love Jaime. "I don't bully you you fucking slut. I'm always nice to you, I may have punched your nose but you deserved it!" I yell and Jaime looks disappointed.
"I'm leaving scar, I'm not going to babysit someone who claims to be a fan then bullies someone else!" Jaime says and leaves me alone with Alissa. "Ok you've made my hero hate me, what do you want now?" I say feeling broken. "You realize I won't leave you alone until you're dead, so just kill yourself!" She says and I think it over realizing it's a good idea. "Ok I'll give Mitch his shirt back and write the letters before doing it." I say and she walks off laughing. I find Mitch and give him his shirt back without even talking to him.
I go to my room ignoring all the looks and write my goodbyes. When I get to Vic's, I realize that I promised him and I want to keep that promise. I throw away the notebook that I had them all in and make a decision that from now on I'm only going to talk to people I really trust, which right now is just Vic and Andy (who I've grown pretty close to).
I guess if I'm going to trust Andy I should go ahead and tell him, and Vic isn't here. I walk into the living room area and tap Andy on the shoulder, while all the guys give me dirty looks. I mouth that I need to talk to him then we walk off the bus. On the way I grab the notebook and follow him. "I need to tell you and Vic something." he nods and walks to the ptv bus. I look down as we enter, I haven't met Mike or Tony and Jaime hates me making me feel awkward in here.
"Hey Vic, scar wanted to talk to both of us." Andy says and Vic stands up. We walk somewhere that is empty and I decide I can talk to them. "Ok so the first thing Vic already knows but Andy doesn't. I get...uh....bullied. And I uh..." I stop and I pull up my sleeves. They both gasp and I remember that I haven't showed Vic my left arm yet. "I wish you would've shown me this arm before! Are there any in other places?" Vic asks worriedly. I sigh and look down before rolling up my pants to show my thighs and lifting my shirt to show my stomach.
Before they say anything I pull everything back down and continue speaking. "What neither of you know is how bad I'm bullied." I say and pour water on myself to wash off my makeup and show all my bruises. "Today I decided that since I won't be at school for a while to stand up for myself, so I might of kinda punched the worst of them in the nose. She apparently heard us talking about the show and she came tonight." I continue and the guys gasp.
"She twisted my words and actions around then tricked me into doing things so that it looked like I was the one bullying her. After making my brother and Jaime hate me she told me that the only way she'd leave me alone is if I..." I stop and hand them the journal. After reading the first page they get the hint and hug me. "Please don't we'll all miss you!" Andy says hugging me and I shove him off. "I'm not going to, I remembered that I promised Vic to stop this" I say gesturing to my arms.
"But I decided that since every thing I say is making people hate me more, I'm done talking unless I truly trust the people I talk to, which for now is just you two." I say and they look at me surprised. "You trust us!?" They both say surprised and I nod. There is an awkward silence and I stand there feeling awkward. "I'm going back to the bus." I say and run back with Andy following. Half way there I realize that Vic still has my suicide notes, damn I was going to use that journal when I really do commit! I shrug it off and get on the bus. I go strait to my bunk ignoring everyone.
I get under my covers and listen to 'Hold On Till May' by ptv. I can't help but laugh when it says 'darling you'll be okay.' This song was obviously meant for someone else, I won't ever be 'okay.' I eventually drift off to sleep and nobody even checks up on me, don't I feel loved.
