Escaping the Donor

Part 12.

Katulad nang napag kasunduan namin, Hindi na kami muling mag kikita pa kahit kelan pag tapos ng kasal. After what he just told me I don’t know how to face him again. I’m not used to straight forward persons like him. My heart never beats wild like that for anyone until last night. No one ever, after Dansel. There’s been so much drama these past few days that I just want to stay in my home with my son alone. Paniguradong hinahanap na siya ng kanyang magaling na ex dahil sa nasabi nya rito. Malayo na ang narating nito samantalang siya andito parin, ganun parin, walang nag bago.

Parang napaisip siya.. Na kung tama ba ang kanyang disisyon na huwag mag asawa.. Am I still doing the right thing for my self? Do I like this? Do I really deserve to feel this? Am I.. stoping my self.. to be happy? Malalim siyang bumuntong hininga. All of those don’t make sense. She’s happy ofcourse. Contentment is happiness at masaya siya kahit silang dalawa lang ng anak niya.

You survive four years without a man beside you.. So what’s stopping you now Pat?

No. no, no Patricia! Hindi ka naiingit sa lalaking iyon! You have a son and he’s your everything. He’s more than anything.

Our life back’s to normal after the wedding. Me and just my son. Bago umalis ng umagang iyon ang kaibigan kong si Jay ay sinigurado kong ipagluto siya ng agahan. He didn’t ask me who’s Kim was.. tinanong niya lamang kung kamusta ang wedding. I lied. I can’t told him what happened in that tragic night.

Well not really that tragic..

Kinuha niya ang pitaka sa kwarto bago umalis. Same routine, again in that day. Hinalikan niya ang anak bago mag paalam rito.

Nawala ang ngiti sa kanyang labi nang makita kung sino ang lumalakad papalapit sa kanyang gawi. She looked left and right begging for someone to save her but it was all too late. He was now walking towards her. She sighed defitedly.

“We need to talk Patricia.”

Wala dapat siyang mararamdamang kakaiba dahil sanay na siya sa malalim na boses nito kapag nag uusap sila, She shouldn’t feel any special about him standing right in front of her starring at me. But she did. Her heart’s hammering inside her chest. Hindi niya malaman anong gagawin upang pakalmahin ang nag wawalang puso dahil lamang sa tinawag nito ang kanyang pangalan. Hindi siya agad nakapag salita dahil hindi niya alam kung anong dapat sabihin. Pinilit niyang wag maalala ang nangyari kagabi ngunit kusa iyong nag papaulit-ulit sa kanyang isipan.

...

I pretend like what happened didn’t bother me. That this talk is not awkward at all for me. Ano pa bang dapat naming pag-usapan? Si Dans? My life? The kiss? He better not to talk about that or I’ll leave this place faster than the flash.

We didn’t leave the school. Pumwesto kami sa ilalim ng puno para duon mag usap. Hindi rin naman ako papayag kung sakaling ayain niya akong lumabas.

“Sorry about.. what happened last night.”

“Do you really mean that?” Ako ang tumingin dito para makita ko kung tunay ba ang pag hingi niya ng tawad sa nangyari.

He can’t look me in the eye, “What I did no, what I told you, yes.”

Tumango ako. Wala rin naman siyang pinag sisihan sa nangyari, ayaw niya lang isipin na ganun siyang klase na babae. Although everytime his eyes is looking at me.. He’s drowning me.

“Pwede ba kitang tanungin Patricia?” Why is it that everytime he’s saying my name.. something was like pulling me.. making me close to him.

“Uh, sure.” sabi nalang niya habang isina walang bahala ang kakaibang nararamdaman.