Escaping the Donor

Part 7.

Inaasar niya ako na ano raw ba pinag gagawa ko sa loob ng apat na taon at napaglipasan na ako ng panahon. Sinabi ko ang totoo na simula nang ipinanganak ko si Ynno ay dun kona tinutok ang aking atensyon hanggang ngayon.

I never entertain anyone since then.. Kahit naba minsan ay pinipilit ako ni Rose sa mga lalaking nirereto niya. I don’t really need a man beside me to be happy, In fact I am happy with her, Jayden and of course my source of everything, Ynnozen. He seems lost words as I reason out to him. Tahimik niya lamang akong pinapakinggan habang nag lalakad kami. There’s nothing wrong with being a single mom these days, choice or not. It’s a sign that your strong enough not needing a man beside you to survive and it’s completely fine. And I tend to join the club.

“Have you ever thought about marrying someone?” I almost laugh at his serious question.

“I have but my plans change obviously, now I just want to be happy. Kuntento na ako sa kung anong meron ako ngayon, My son is my happiness now and I don’t need anything or anyone anymore..”

Siguro nagiging totoo lang ako at praktikal. Ayoko lang siguro dumating yung araw na kasal na ako bago pa marealise ng taong mahal ko na hindi niya ako mahal o ayaw na niya kong makasama habang buhay.. The tought of divorce scares my insides, How can someone promise you death do us part and just leave you like that. Love is the greatest thing in this world yet the most powerful thing too besides anything. It can heal and break someone at the same time, it can make you feel the most unimaginable amazing things when you find the right man for you. but what if you find someone and he’s not the one?

Your death do us part will turn into he’ll break you apart.

It’s so unfair that you can’t be with someone just because they don’t want you anymore. It hurts like hell knowing you have no choice but to let them go. I mean I don’t see the point of being with someone who will just leave you soon when he’s done with you. Might as well be alone with your friends or your child right? Sometimes you have to be around with someone who will not leave you and know that will be there for you, it’s not always them only. Simple as be with someone who will build you up not torn you apart.

Pauwi narin naman kami kaya’t minabuti kona ring maki-usap kay Kim na dumaan sa Jollibee. It’s been a long time when I bought something for him, might as well take this chance to do that. nandito narin naman kami so why not.

“Jollibee take-out seriously?”

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. “This is for my son at kung para sakin man to wala ka nang paki don, now shut up and just drive.”

He shake his head and laugh at my bossy tone. Minsan hindi ko siya maintindihan, paplit palit mood niya. Akala niya siya lang may kayang mag bossy-bossy dito? hah!

What now? I’m stuck again inside his car. And god his scent again.. Nasabi ko bang bagay na bagay dito ang suot nitong simpleng maong na pantalon at plain vneck gray na t-shirt? Kahit ano naman ata bagay sa isang to. From his black that will turn into dark copper brown hair when sunlight touch his hair, from his not light skin. His thick eyebrows, and long eyelashes that I secretly wished it’s mine. His bright but sad eyes, pointed nose and red.. sinful.. lips. I can almost imagine it.. How can it stay that red if he smokes..

Or you mean working it in between your legs?

“What are you thinking sweet Patricia?” He asked me. Hindi ko pinansin ang sinasabi ng aking isipan.

I didn’t answer him. Matapang kong sinalubong ang kanyang mga mata na ngayo’y nakatitig na sakin. I didn’t realise I close the gap in my legs until his gaze turn in them. His jaw tense and I had to look away. I know I’m engross on checking him when I notice his stubble are appearing again after shaving it the past few days. I had it so bad, so freaking bad. I have to stop before it’s too late.