Open Feelings ✔︎

House Or Home

"Hey Dad." I said with a sad smile as I sat crisscross in front of the tombstone.

The damp spring grass seeped through my skinny jeans and I cringed before bringing my knees up to my chest.

"This morning was a little hard." I began before placing the bouquet of wild flowers on the ground.

"I woke up from a weird dream and I almost texted Jason to tell him about it." I sighed as a lump began to form in my throat.

"Then I realized that were broken up and he hates me."

"So naturally, I began texting Maddie." I chuckled humorlessly. "Then I realized that we're not talking." I shrugged and my eyes welled up with tears.

"Mom is dealing with finals coming up and she's stressed so my problems would be tedious. Grandma is working on a new line and everyone else is just busy."

"And usually when times like this would happen, you would be there and we would have one of your stupid campfires in the backyard and eat s'mores to our heart's content."

"But you're not here." I cried.

"Everything is kind of falling apart and it's really all my fault. The worst part is, I don't know where to start to try and fix things. I think I'm failing half of my classes because I've been trying to avoid my problems." I gasped in a breath and the tears fell down faster and harder.

"I just want you here." I choked out through my tears.

*

After crying out all of my tears. I collected myself and made my way to school.

Despite Jason basically canceling our tutoring sessions, I still go to the library in the morning.

After making a stop at one of the coffee carts, I made my way to my usual table and started my work before the first bell even rang.

About a minute after the bell rang, the library door opened and Jason walked in.

Surprised, I quickly look back down at my work.

What is he doing here? Is he here to tutor me? What do I do? What do say?

"What are you doing here?" I asked before he could open his mouth.

"It's Monday, I tutor you on Monday." He replied and I looked up at him slightly irritated.

Oh no he did not.

"Where were you last Monday? Or Wednesday and Friday for that matter." I asked and he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry for that." He apologized and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I really don't think you are, I think you're just trying to find an excuse to talk to me because I told you I didn't want to talk."

"So what if I am?" He asked before taking a seat.

"Don't sit down."  I told him and he let out a sigh.

"You need chemistry to graduate." He reminded.

"Well I don't need you." I muttered and the second I said it I regretted it.

I looked at him with wide eyes and he clenched his jaws before standing up and I opened my mouth to say something but quickly closed it. I opened it again but nothing came out once again.