Intoxicated - A Lashton (5sos) Fan Fiction

Chapter 7 - Stupid Thoughts

this weekend, i'm planning on writing a lot. my goal, is to try to get to chapter 10 before christmas. please encourage me, i will be really happy if i can reach my goal c:

also, i'm going to dedicate the next chapter to the person who gives the most affective answer to the question at the bottom.

i need to edit this

________________

7.

Luke didn't know what his definition of 'done' was.

He didn't want to talk to Michael.

He didn't want to talk to Calum.

He didn't want to talk to Ashton.

Why didn't Michael stand up for Luke? The two of them had an awkward relationship. Since they were the two quietest in the band, they shared that connection. It was supposed to be in Michael, to stand up for him, though. He always did when Calum teased Luke. Come to think of it, Ashton always stood up for him, too. And Calum seemed to always be teasing Luke.

This leas Luke to the conclusion, that lately, Calum has been acting like a shitty friend. Which upset Luke, because his best friend would rather sit and not talk to Michael, then play a video game with Luke.

It makes you feel like shit, when you have no one to turn to, doesn't it? Well, that was exactly how Luke felt. He just wanted to eat, cry, and listen to sad music.

And that was precisely what Luke did, for the next 5 hours.

At 3 am, Luke was running on barely 2 hours of sleep, so he drowned his soul in coffee. As much as he didn't want to get up early, he didn't want to see any of the other boys. He needed someone to turn to, more than anything right now.

He sat at the kitchen table, alone, tears streaming silently down his face. I have nothing left to live for.

If only Luke knew, that he certainly did have things to live for. Millions of wonderful fans, a family, the love of his life (who seemed to not love him back), and ex best friend, and a bandmate.

He refused to believe it, he truly thought he was worthless.

That night, he did something he knew he would regret. He knew he would feel even more guilty, yet he still did it.

~

- Last night -

After storming out of the kitchen on Luke, Ashton immediately felt guilty.

He knew that something was going on with Luke. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but he felt as if he was going to die, if he didn't find out.

After a while, he heard shouting in the kitchen. He walked quietly down the stairs, and in the narrow hallway. He stopped outside of the kitchen, and peered in. There was Luke, sitting in a kitchen chair, with his head down on the counter.

Ashton couldn't help but admire Luke's beautiful golden hair. He wasn't embarrassed to admit, that he thought Luke was cute. If girls can call their friends pretty and not be accused of being a lesbian, than I can call my friend cute.

Come to think of it, Ashton thought everything about Luke was cute. He had beautiful bright blue eyes, the most adorable smile, and his shy personality was so precious.

Ashton snapped back to reality. He strained his ears, to hear what Calum was saying to Michael.

"Luke's a fag."

Calum must be messing around.

"Luke's a what?"

"A fag." Calum continued. "F A G. He likes boys."

Ashton couldn't believe his ears. The boys never really joked around about the other being gay. Besides, none of them were.

"Really? Luke, is he kidding or what?"

Ashton didn't hear Luke answer.

"Yes. You don't even know how many times he's came to me, complaining about girls. About girls being so complicated, and how boys are better. Like, why would you prefer dick over boobs? Disgusting."

"Also, he has this not-so-cute little crush on-"

Calum suddenly stopped talking. After around 15 seconds, Ashton contemplated walking into tue kitchen. He wanted to know what was going on, and he wanted to apologize to Luke.

But when he peered in again, Calum was leaning over clutching his stomach, Michael looked shocked, and Luke was no where to be seen.

Ashton felt bad for eavesdropping. He walked quietly back up the stairs, and into his bed.

But for some reason, he knew the conversation would be replaying in his head, all night.

~

Luke bandaged up his slaughtered arm. It truly looked like someone had slashed a knife up and down his arm, in an attempt of murder.

But Luke didn't care. He felt so damn guilty, but it just added to the list of terrible feelings, the 17 year old was feeling.

Depression.

Useless.

Alone.

Sad.

Upset.

Guilty.

By the time he got himself together (kind of), it was 7 am. The other boys were still not up yet, though. Calum usually woke up at 8, and would act extremely pissy. Ashton would wake up around 9, and be cheerful and cute. Michael would wake up at 11, and complain about wanting to sleep.

But this morning, wasn't a normal morning. Calum and Ashton were mad at Luke. Michael was most likely disgusted, at the fact of Luke liking boys. Luke was disgusted with himself, though. He was disgusted at the image that stared back at him. He was disgusted at his actions. He absolutely hated, how he was shy and quiet. Even if he couldn't help it, he wanted to be cute and outgoing like Ashton. Ashton often commented how he thought Luke's shy manor was cute, but Luke thought he was most likely just being nice.

That was the difference between Luke and Ashton; Luke would never tell Ashton, that he fancied him. That he wanted to wake up in Ashton's arms. That he wanted Ashton to save him.

He found himself crying yet again, at the thought of Ashton. He's so beautiful, inside out. So perfect. He'll never love me.

Luke was so damned depressed. The thought of suicide, was common, and comforting.

What if I killed myself?

Would the band carry on without me?

They could probably find a better singer, in an instant.

What about the fans?

They'd get over it. Most people like Ashton, Calum and Michael, anyways.

What about my parents?

My parents have other sons. Other sons, who aren't disappointments.

If I hate myself, why should anyone love me?

I hate my hair.

I hate my personality.

I hate my face.

I hate my body.

I hate my arms.

I hate the fact that I'm in love with Ashton.

I hate that I'm too much of a pussy, to get a lip piercing.

There's not a thing about me, that I don't hate.

Luke didn't think of them as silly thoughts. It was like on a test, when you have no idea if answer A or B is correct, so you spend a while contemplating and erasing it. Luke didn't know what the right answer was in his life. He didn't know wether to chose his A, or B.

________________________

:(

question: if you were luke (in his current situation) what would you do?

comment it

*(the next chapter is something y'all probably have been waiting for)*