My Beautiful Disaster

Ch. 5 Amnesia

Riley's P.O.V

Not being able to remember stuff is hard. I have as much memory of my family as people do with their times tables. I can pull the simple stuff--My mom's name was Topanga is like 1 x 1, She was stunningly beautiful inside and out before she died, 2 x 2, My dad's name is Corey, 3 x 3, He is childish and love-able even at 40, even after he cheated, 4 x 4. Other stuff is harder. Why do I have posters of pluto all over my room? Why do I have a sketch of someone named Jexica? Why does Auggie's room smell like weed and he's like 9? Those stuff are like being asked out of the blue 12 x 36. You just can't answer it right then without help.

Memory of my friends--mostly Maya, my sort of complicated unofficial relationship with Lucas, whatever Farkle classifies as, all of that is like asking me to calculate the mass of the sun using a rock and toothpaste. Impossible. I believe Maya about us being bestfriends, I do because she just seems like the type of person I'd love like a sister. That thing about Lucas...I just see myself more with Farkle. Even if all Maya does is talk bad about Farkle and warn me.

"You may not remember but Farkle is a jerk..."

"He's a complete bad boy, not welcome in RileyTown..."

"You don't have to remember someone to know how you feel about them, and you don't asssociate with people who act, look and have feelings like Farkle..."

I've heard things like that non-stop, and whether or not I remember my life completely I know that Farkle isn't any of that. Or at least probably not to that degree. Today out of no where when I was sitting in what I was told was my special spot--my 'bay window?'-- a knock came at my door. Freeze. Maya and Lucas come through my window, I don't know why but they do. My family doesn't knock, they're pigs. Who is that?

"Uh...Riles? It's Peaches and Fakle." Maya announced using her name for Farkle.

"It's open!" I called bringing my knees up to my chest and rested my head on top of them.

It's just a more comfortable position. The door eased open and Maya walked over. She's been trying to see if I can show affection to her even If I don't know her fully. I still can't, it's weird hugging someone you can't remember. I smiled sadly and shook my head as if to say: 'sorry, not yet my supposed BFF' She shrugged and plopped next to me. Farkle stayed stuck in the doorway his eyes glancing around my room and then staring straight at me. I caved first and looked down before mumbling--

"You can come in you know."

"Thanks." He said smoothly closing the door behind him.

Farkle sat at the other side of me so I was between a guy I didn't know well yet kissed, back when I had a working memory, and my supposed bestfriend who hates him. Awkward. Farkle broke the silence first in a casual way that no-one spoke to me in.

"How are you? Are you ok?" He asked turning only his head to me.

That's kind of an odd and frankly quite dumb question to ask someone who's potentially crazy for the time being. Everyone asked questions like: 'Can you remember the time when..' and 'Do you think you can tell me my middle name?' and 'Are you feeling alright? Want your meds?' but never 'how are you, are you ok?'

"I'm fine, I guess. I just really want to remember you guys is all." I answered truthfully.

"You will Riles, I know it." Maya spoke fiddling with our friendship ring--her own copy obviously.

"I think maybe it's time we tried plan B, I know you still like him but--" Farkle started before Maya raised a hand to stop him.

"You're right. Riley, we're gonna take you to someone at a special somewhere that might bring back your memory" Maya explained vaguely looking like her heart might snap in two.

That hurt. It hurt to see Peaches so upset over someone. Wait, did I just voluntarily call her Peaches? Quick, what's Maya's middle name? There was silence in my head until suddenly there wasn't. It's Penelope. Her name is Maya Penelope Hart! There was a screeching in my head, my ears might've popped as memories of my life with Maya flooded back to my head slowly and then all at once. I blinked a few times and let out a gasp. I remember Maya, I don't remember anything else but I remember Maya, my Peaches, my bestfriend and soul sister. I remember Maya.

"Maya, I remember you." I meant to yell but it came out as a mumble.

"You do? See, this plan is already working. Ready to go, Honey?" Maya asked hopefully.

"You bet it, Peaches."

~~

They took me to the subway. They insisted I go on the E train heading to downtown, and talk to the person's lap I fell in. That sounds like scenario for a kidnapping planned by a child molester. I thought about making a run for it but this was Maya, she wouldn't have me kidnapped. Unless she was getting money-- or funnel cake....

Farkle came with us and when we got onto the train he was the one who lightly pushed me back into some boy sitting wearing a bright blue shirt. I looked up and it was Lucas. He smiled at me and I felt obligated to smile back. I didn't, it's almost like I couldn't, maybe even...wouldn't?

"Hey, Lucas." I greeted as nicely as I could.

"Hi. So um...I'm gonna do something and hopefully it will bring your memory back." Lucas decided.

"Ok, what is it--" was all I got out before Lucas pressed his lips on mine.

Hear that? A boy I can't remember, a boy I can't imagine myself liking, a boy I don't know at all just kissed me. I heard a chocked sob from Maya and a firm grunt from Farkle. They were both upset--like me. I pulled away roughly.

"I don't know what that was supposed to prove but you failed. I don't think I like you, or liked you for that fact. I just....I wanna go home." I stated whirling around to Maya.

"Take me home." I pleaded with Maya.

"But--" Maya and Lucas said at the same time before I cut them both off and turned to Farkle.

"Take me home, please." I begged.

".......Ok. Come on." Farkle agreed looking like he was debating whether to reach for my hand or not.

You don't have to remember someone to know how you feel...I knew how I felt about Maya, my family, about Lucas. What do I feel towards Farkle? He settled on reaching out for me and I gingerly took his hand in mine. It felt.....right. I'll use the word right for fear of anything else.

We walked out of there together and Farkle payed for train tickets to take us home. When we got to my house he dropped me off in my room and stood in the doorway weirdly again. I sat at the Bay Window and we stared at each other for a full minute.

"Do you want me to leave o-or stay? It's really up to you..." Farkle asked out of nowhere.

"I want you to stay. I mean, just so I'm not alone. I don't like being alone without Maya." I sighed and he closed the door before sitting down at the Bay Window.

The Bay Window was so directly attached to Maya that I remembered it completely. I honestly don't know how I forgot it or Maya. They were both so important....then again apparently so was Lucas. I'd suddenly felt bad for the way I'd stormed out of there. I mean I rejected him before he could explain why that would mean anything. I noticed Farkle staring right at me an un-place-able emotion on his face.

And the fact that I didn't know what he was feeling scared me. More than it should've.