My Beautiful Disaster

Ch. 4 I Finally Went Too Far

Farkle's P.O.V

I swear on my life, I didn't mean for this to go this far. I didn't think Riley would commit suicide because of Lucas. I didn't even know Riley had suicidal thoughts. Now I feel like a jerk, but not because I made her hurt herself. But because it took me seeing her wheeled away on a stretcher to realize I like her.

Maya, Lucas, Mr.Matthews and I went to visit Riley after school. Mr. Matthews was allowed in first obviously and then the rest of us went in at the same time. Riley was passed out on the bed and she looked pale and fragile. I felt so horrible as I watched Maya and Lucas talk to her. Lucas went first because Maya needed time to stop crying and she even sobbed into my shoulder. I think the rules of hatred disappear when a mutual....friend? Yeah, when a mutual friend is hurt.

"Hey Riles, It's Lucas. Look, I will always like you. You will always be that pretty girl that was pushed into my lap on the subway and you'll always be one of my bestfriends. So if you don't come back, I don't know what I'll do. I know it seems like I threw away our whole relationship but I didn't, I just changed it a little. So now instead of an awkward unofficial mess we have the strongest friendship and friends don't leave friends behind. Please, wake up for a friend. Please. I had a talk with Maya and I think we both realized...I still do like you, I'm just confused who I like more. I need you back to make that choice." Lucas said to her and kissed her forehead, which for some reason made my heart sting.

Maya stood up and walked over to the bed and for some reason smiled and chuckled softly reaching for Riley's hands, playing with her fingers.

"You know, if you were awake this would be easier. Because you would say 'Peaches' when you saw me which would make me smile, and I would reply 'yes, Sunshine'and we could talk like you weren't in this hospital. Even though you are, we could talk for hours until you're better and we wouldn't even notice the nurses or equipment. But your not awake and that's the problem isn't it? Riley, I love you like the sister I never had. I think of you as the one shred of family I have that isn't jacked up. You're are one of the only reasons I wake up with a smile on my face. So I want you to...need you to...You are going to wake up. You have to, you promised that we'd always be together and this isn't always yet. Ring power Riley, ring power." Maya laughed sadly with tears running down her cheeks.

It was my turn. I walked over awkwardly until I saw Riley's cold, stiff body. Then I was filled with this weird emotion--not love, obviously I can't love someone I've just met-- but a sort of...connection, depth, link to our souls. Dammit, Riley made me sappy.

"Hi, Riley. You're probably wondering why I came, considering I'm not one of your friends from practically birth. I came because I want to say sorry, I'm sorry that I didn't notice how much Lucas meant to you and that I tried to disrupt that like it was a game. I really played you and I'm sorry. But you can't die because of me, you can't. You have to wake up for these people..." I said turning to Maya and Lucas who nodded at me approvingly.

"These people love you, and now I know why. You're so bright even when your life is so dark, everyone wants light in their life and you're light. These people saw that, I am apart of these people now. We love you, so come back. We need you." I said.

I remembered that kiss in the park and look at her cold lips. I made sure to think of the quietest point I could make my voice and then made it quieter.

"I need you." I whispered.

I don't know what I expected to happen but it was still disappointing to see her lay there like a rock after all of that. A nurse came and told us to leave. Lucas stood up and I turned back to Riley. I leaned in to her lips and kissed them softly. I really am sorry...