Becoming a YouTuber?!

Chapter 15: Serious conversations

I had returned from the Creator Summit with renewed energy and motivation. It had showed me tangentially just how massive Team Internet's influence was. Amongst the speeches, the one address the responsibility that came with an audience had really affected me in a way that I didn't realise before I came home.

I had gone to my computer and typed up numerous ideas for blog posts and videos that all either brought attention to overlooked issues or encouraged my readers and viewers to take some sort of action to either improve their own life or their fellow peoples'. 

"So Em told me one of the ideas for your endless list included her and I?" Megan inquired an afternoon where we were chilling in Emma's flat. "I know you didn't tell her but she sneaked a peak at your list a few days back."

"Yes," I confirmed and hesitated. I was always a bit caution of sharing my ideas before I had them perfectly formed in my head and had considered all the different ways it could be interpreted.

It was a side effect of having so many parts of my life "public". While hateful comments didn't cause as much damage to me anymore, at least compared to how sensitive I had been in the beginning, I was still not very comfortable with them. That being said, I knew Megan wouldn't be throw judgement at me nor would her girlfriend who had cuddled up lazily to her while we had been chatting. Yesterday, Emma had been on a 12-hour shoot for a secret sponsorship with her former modelling agency and she's been barely awake all day.

"Yeah, I want to have shots of you, her and I as well as a our voices overlapping the images. I want to make a video bringing awareness to the fact that there's no quote-on-quote perfect way to be a girl though society might suggest that. The three of us have very different dress sense, Emma's would be classified as very feminine and bordering on princessy sometimes while you wouldn't be caught dead in a dress and I'm somewhere in between those two. We're different in how we act and how we approach people, you and Emma more outgoing and some might say too outspoken while I'm much more shy. Emma has the most gorgeous long hair as do you while I keep mine just shoulder length and had it very short at one point. But the point would be... that there's no right way to do it, there's no ideal. You should just be yourself... and all that's not even taken into account our different sexualities, which some may think also would need to dictate how someone acts."

I finally took a breath, not realising I had rambled on as much as I had. Megan crooked an eyebrow at me and had an amused grin on her face.

"Sounds cool actually but you do know I don't really appear in videos, right?"

Now, it was my turn to look amused.

"That's a plain lie, Megs. You've been in Emma and Nate's vlogs more times than I can count on two hands."

"That's different!" Megan argued and moved forward. She was always very physical when talking; she expressed herself quite a lot with her body language. Emma groaned and pulled her "pillow" back.

"Sorry, babe," she muttered to her girlfriend and settled back against the back of the couch. Her hand found Emma's hair again and she absentmindedly started stroking it as she had done before. Those two were adorable together and the fact that someone could be so angry at people showing affection towards each other, regardless of whether they were of the same gender, would never be something I could comprehend.

"I know it's different," I said because I did know exactly what Megan was worried about. Vlogs were different from main channel videos or at least they felt so. "But mine will be different as well. It's not a sit-down video. I know it can feel like a lot but it'll be really cool and I know my viewers will love it."

As the words left my mouth, I considered the odd prospect I was now the one trying to convince someone to be in one of my videos, just as Nate and Emma had done to me so many times. I fell back against the armchair I was sitting in and felt like the air had been knocked out of me.