Wandering Alone

Chapter 22

Zane gripped my hand harder as we stood to get our last glimpse of Will Angelo.  It had been a week since his death, and since my father was arrested.  Everyday I yelled at myself, there was no one to blame for his death but me.  If I had called 911, he would still be alive.  If I had kept the gun when Zane got stabbed, he would still be alive.  If I had stayed out of Zane's life, Will would still be alive.  There was no one to blame but me, and I took full responsibility.

I smoothed my black dress as I stepped forward, peaking over the casket.  Will laid there, hands crossed over his chest.  His skin was paper white, but other than that he looked alive.  You could see the bullet hole in his forehead, but the others were covered by his best suit.  I could feel my throat closing and the tears flowing down my face, and I couldn't take it any longer.  I buried my head in Zane's chest, taking deep breaths of his sent to calm myself.  Zane wrapped his arms around my shoulders, so tight I thought about squirming, but I didn't, I just cried.  He placed his head on top of mine, and I could feel him shaking.  I flinched as warm tears hit my neck, not mine but Zanes.  Deep down inside I admired him for being able to cry, for not being one of those guys who are to "macho," but I was crying too hard to acknowledge it.

I ignored the people who were staring at us, or the people behind us who were waiting in line, and just cried.  Eventually, Zane pulled away and grabbed my hand, leading me off the pedestal.  We stepped into the sun, letting it warm our cold souls.  Neither of us spoke, we just wandered through the grave yard hand in hand.  We stopped under a cherry tree, which was coloring for fall.  The leaves were a dark pink color, which I would've loved if I was in the mood.  We sat on the cement bench under the branches, so close our knees touched.  I leaned my head on Zanes shoulder as my tears stopped, I had nothing left to cry.  After a week of crying I had no more tears, and yet it seemed like I needed to cry a thousand more.

"My..."  Zane trailed off and looked at the sky, trying to calm his shaking voice, "My father wanted you to have this."  Zane pulled something out of his pocket I couldn't see.

"Wh-"  I stopped as Zane placed something around my neck that felt like cold metal.  I looked down to find a necklace hanging around my neck, stopping just before the 'v' of my dress.  The silver coin charm had a cursive 'D' carved into the center.

"It was my fathers mothers, her name was Dama."

"I...I can't take it."  I could feel the tears rising to my eyes again as I fumbled with the clasp, but Zane pulled mu hands away.

"Please take it, he wanted you to have it."  He looked like he was about to cry again, so I nodded, kissing him on the cheek, "Thank you."  He whispered, pulling me into a hug, "We should get back."  So we made our way back to the pavilion where Will was being buried.  When we got there, I saw Emma.  She was sitting in a corner by herself, crying silently.  I could tell she was crying by the way her shoulders were moving up and down.

I ran forward, wrapping my arms around her neck, "I'm so sorry."  I said, beginning to cry again, "So sorry."  I felt her nod against my neck as she balled into my skin, soaking the top part of black dress.  We sat like that for a long time, both crying and rocking back and forth.  Eventually, Zane came and pulled me away and said they are starting the burring ceremony. 

We all followed the parade to the site where Will was to be buried.  It was under an oak tree - which was his favorite kind of tree - and in front of a tomb stone that read, 'Here lies Will Angelo, a teacher, preacher, and man of God.  May he rest in peace forever.'  I watched as the crane lowered the closed casket into the ground, hiding it from view.  The men began to shove the dirt over the hole, burring it in the ground.  I could hear someone speaking, but I couldn't understand their words.  My head spun as more tears ran down my cheeks, seemingly of their own accord.  I shut my eyes, trying to block out all the sounds, trying to make everything alright again, but it didn't work.