In Our Own Time (B.N)

Later That Night

Lindsey walked around the dining room, taking in the smiling faces of the numerous photos hung on the walls. In every photo, one consistent smile caught Lindsey’s attention time and time again. Looking at Stevie smiling face in each photo, Lindsey thought that she had grown gracefully with age and her beauty had intensified over the years. The dozens of photos containing Stevie’s timeless smile were proof. “You’re allowed to sit down, y’know.” Lindsey looked over at Stevie and smiled. She was walking slowly in from the kitchen, carrying a plate of food in each hand. “Let me help.” Lindsey said, rushing over to her. As he took a plate from her, his fingers grazed across her, making her shiver. Stevie averted her eyes; she knew Lindsey too well to know that he would have noticed her shivering at his touch. Lindsey – who had noticed Stevie’s shiver - and set the plate down on the table. Composing herself, Stevie walked round to the other side of the table and put the plate down. In unison, they sat together and began to eat. Although they got off to an awkward start (they hadn’t eaten together alone since the 70s) they slowly began to chat. And soon the wine was flowing…

Stevie guffawed at the old photo of Lindsey. “Oh my goodness, Lindsey. What were you doing?” “Blinking?” Lindsey replied unsurely, taking another sip of his wine. “More like squinting. Were you high or something?” Stevie said, continuing to laugh hysterically. Lindsey stuck his tongue out at her. “Even in stupid photos like this you still manage to look dashingly handsome.” Stevie said, running her fingers over the photo in the album. Lindsey rested his chin on her shoulder. “You were always exceedingly beautiful. Still are.” He said. Stevie waved his compliment away and took another sip of her wine. “You are, Steph.” Lindsey murmured. Before Stevie could respond, the familiar feel of Lindsey’s lips on her shoulder was sending shivers down her spine. “Lindsey…” Stevie begged. Lindsey heard her but ignored her, continuing to kiss her. He began to kiss her neck and Stevie knew what was going to happen. “Lindsey, no.” Stevie moved away from him. Lindsey stood up and looked away from her. “Lindsey, we promised…” Stevie began. “I promised nothing!” Lindsey yelled, his face red with anger and frustration. Stevie looked up at him, speechless for once in her life. “I love you, Stevie. And I can’t help that.” Stevie bit her lip; she would not cry over this man again. “What about Kristen?” Stevie asked quietly. “Kristen is a wonderful woman and has given me three of the things I cherish the most. I love Kristen for what she has given me, but I’m not in love with her anymore. I’ve always been in love with you.” Lindsey crossed the room in a few short strides and knelt in front of Stevie. He took her hands in his. “Steph, look at me.” Stevie did as she was told and looked into Lindsey’s bright blue eyes. “Please?” Lindsey begged her. Stevie sighed. “Go to bed, Lindsey.” She said, taking her hands from his grasp and disappearing up the stairs.

Lindsey whipped the tears from his cheeks roughly; he wasn’t someone who cried. It had been 3 hours or so since his fight with Stevie. He’d come to bed like she’d suggested but hadn’t been able to get any sleep. He lay in bed; the Egyptian cotton sheets were cool on his bare chest. It was times like these that Lindsey remembered why he hated Stevie’s liking for extreme heat: he couldn’t stand it. But it had also meant, in the past, that it meant Stevie got to hot in her clothes. Theses things always led to the same situation. They would giggle about it the morning after, when Lindsey would say how much he loved that Stevie liked everything boiling hot. As Lindsey lay there, thinking about memories long forgotten, the door to his bedroom opened slowly. He didn’t need to look at Stevie to know that she had been crying too, though she had said time and time again that she wouldn’t cry over him anymore. “What do you want, Stevie?” Lindsey asked wearily, not bothering to look at her. Stevie shut the door behind her and perched on the edge of the bed by Lindsey’s side. “I… I wanted to tell you something. Something important.” Lindsey stole a quick glance at her while she looked away. She was wearing her favourite pink silk pajamas; the top, as always, revealed more than it should have of what was beneath it. Lindsey watched her as she keep her eyes glued to her hands; she ran her thumb over the shiny red nails of her fingers, not wanting to look at him. Lindsey chuckled under his breath; this was habit she had had for years when she wanted to avoid eye contact with him. He was glad to see that some things never change. “What is it you want to tell me, Stevie?” Lindsey asked at last, looking away from her once more. Stevie cleared her throat. Lindsey saw her look at him out of the corner of his eye. He could see the nervous and scared expression on her face, and it killed him to know that he had caused it. It was never nice to see a carefree person looking scared and unsure; it was even worse when that person was the woman he loved. “Lindsey.” “Mmm?” Stevie took a deep breath. “I love you.” Lindsey sighed. “I know you love me, Stevie. But you’re not in love with me, like I am with you. There’s a difference.” Stevie frowned. “Okay, fine. I’m in love with you.” “You’re only saying that.” “Oh, fuck you, Lindsey Buckingham!” Lindsey’s snapped his face towards her as she stood up to pace across the room. “Why? What have I done now?” Lindsey asked, sitting up in bed. “What haven’t you done?” Stevie replied, rubbing her temples. “Well why are you angry with me now?” Lindsey inquired. “Because, Lindsey, I came in here to tell you that I’m in love with you; that I always have been and I always will be. I came in here to tell that you that I have always known I made a mistake the day I told you to go and be with Kristen; I never wanted to give you up. And I came in here to tell you that I want you to be mine again and not hers!” Lindsey stared open mouthed at Stevie, who was once again on the verge of tears. “Stevie, I - ” “And then what do you do? You’re all sarcastic and distant and it’s just bullshit, Lindsey! It’s bullshit. It’s times like this I remember why we broke up in the first place! But then I remember all the reason why we shouldn’t have broken up! And it kills me. It fucking kills me!” Lindsey stayed silent; he knew from experience that it was better to let Stevie say everything she needed to say. Stevie looked at Lindsey, her face now a calm mask. “Lindsey… I just came in here to tell you that… When you kissed my shoulder before, I felt like I was 23 again and we were just starting out together. And… I realized how much I’ve missed you.” Lindsey smiled sadly at her. Opening his arms, he said, “Come here.” Stevie crossed the room quickly and threw herself into his arms. Lindsey stroked her hair as she sobbed quietly. “Why did I give you up, Lindsey? Why?” “Because you were being selfless. You knew that there was going to be a baby involved and you wanted that baby to have a mom and a dad.” Stevie sat back at looked at Lindsey. “I want you to know that I love your children like they’re my own.” “And they love you.” “I would do anything for them, Linds. Anything.” Lindsey smiled, moving a bit of hair out of Stevie’s face. “You would have been a great mom, Steph.” Stevie laughed quietly. “The only man I ever wanted kids with was you, Lindsey. But someone beat me to it. It was my own fault though. I should have never broke up with you.” “You broke my heart, you know.” Lindsey said quietly. Stevie nodded. “I know. And I’m sorry. You were the only man who ever really loved me.” “Besides Jess.” Stevie chuckled. “Yes. Besides daddy.” Stevie hesitated. “He really loved you, Lindsey; just like a son. He and mom were both devastated when I told them we were over. I guess they’d been hoping that you were going to be their son-in-law.” Lindsey chuckled, taking Stevie’s hands in his. “I thought I was going to be their son-in-law too, if I’m totally honest.” They smiled sadly at each other. “What’s stopping us?” Lindsey asked after a while. “What do you mean?” Stevie asked. “What’s stopping us…being together again?” Stevie sighed. “You know what.” Lindsey shrugged. “I’m not in love with Kristen. I don’t think I really have been for a while. And the kids… Well the kids love you. If I got a divorce, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind have ‘Aunt Stevie’ as their second mom.” Stevie smiled; secretly, she loved the idea of being the mother of Lindsey's three amazing children. Sometimes, her niece Jessica and her godchildren weren't enough. Stevie came back to the present when Lindsey took her face in his hands. She smiled at the familiar feel of his callous fingertips on her palms. “Stevie, please?” Lindsey begged. Stevie just looked at him, hoping her eyes would give him the message he needed. Lindsey leant forward, receiving the message. He pressed his lips to hers and they melted into each other.