My Husband, the Celebrity

Chapter.13 Everything is Changing

In the absence of my fiance I've been living at Christina's house. For two days now I've filled my time with the anticipation of my God-Daughter. Shopping with Christina, picking out furniture with Evan, and still trying to find a name. I haven't even checked my phone. I turned it off as soon as I left the appartment. I needed time to clear my head and rationalize what I'm doing with my life. Unfortunately, my dad was right. He had said a while back that I couldn't just be the wife of a celebrity. I need my own life and I have to make my own choices.

"How you doing buddy?" Christina smiled, apologetically.

I sighed. "Stop looking at me like that an I'll be okay."

"Like what?"

"Like I just got diagnosed with a terminal illness and you're feeling all sorry for me," I muttered, shifting my position on her couch.

She squatted down next to me, feeling her way down, her big belly getting in the way. Placing her hand on my shoulder, she smiled and squeezed me. "Just talk to me."

I really didn't want to. I could talk to Christina about everthing, but I really just didn't want to say what I was thinking becasue then it would become even more real, I guess. Besides, talking wouldn't fix anything. I shrugged.

"Oh would you stop being so dramatic and open your damn mouth and talk to me!" Christina shouted, throwing her arms up in a flurry.

I stared at her, accusing. "I just basically broke up with my fiance, told him I was pregnant, and left him, and you think I'm being dramatic?" I glared at her.

She pointed at me smirking, "I knew I could get you to talk."

I just shook my head.

"Seriously Nicole, just tell me what you're thinking. Please?"

I sighed, turing to face her. "I just feel like I need time to myself to find what I want and what I want to do with my life. If I don't I'll end up resenting him. I know it."

Christina looked at me with the most serious gaze, her hand on mine as she took in my expression. "You need to live your life for you. Not anybody else. If you aren't happy with yourself, none of it matters. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else Nicole. And that's where you are right now. I think you're thinking about the things you'll miss out on if you're with Matt and you're scared. You won't have the normal life you planned on having if you're with him. And it's okay to be scared. But, just remember, if you stay scared and never try to face what's bothing you, you'll regret it. And it's worse to regret what you didn't do than to face what scares you."

I just gawked at her. Who knew Christina was so full of wisdom. It was baffaling. I couldn't even respond to what she just sputed out at me.

She giggled, realizing that she didn't really sound like her usual self. "So what I'm saying is, go do your thing, live your life, do what you think will make you happy, but then if you realize you're missing something-- your happiness isn't complete . . . you know why."

I smiled at her, hugging her tight. She was right. I needed to see if I was happy without Matt before I went back to him. I needed to be my own person first. "Thank you Christina. I love you, you know that?"

"You better," she winked, squeezing my hand.

. . .

Three weeks. I'd been on my own for three weeks. With all of my free time, I decided to look into a career. I had always liked desiging clothes. I'd doodle on my notebooks at school and cut out outfits from magazines that I liked and try to match them with things in my closet. Christina's mom got me an internship at her office where they design wedding gowns. I mean, right now I was only getting coffee for the A-list designers, but it was a start.