May The Dread Wolf Take You

Chapter Thirty: The Meadow

They were in the meadow. They danced and ran and jumped and played. Every thought aimed at enjoyment, at laughter. The sun was high, the grass greener than any emerald, the sky bluer than the sea. A warm summer breeze blew through the field, brushed against the trees, made them sway and dance. There was nothing so solitary, so beautiful as that day in the clearing.

A young blonde haired boy ran through the meadow, his arms spread wide as he took in the breeze. His curly golden locks ruffled within the brisk air. He held his eyes shut as he pranced through the grass. His fur coat heavy on his back and warming his skin with the sun's help. When he opened his eyes, revealing molten honey irises, he looked down into the face of his mother. She kneeled in front of him on their picnic blanket. There was a huge giddy smile on her face. Her eyes searched his adoringly. "You're going to be a big brother, Cullen." She spoke proudly and cupped his chubby face in her hands and he giggled. He twirled around, his sister picking flowers behind him.

They ended up on the bed somehow. It must've happened in the moment that he hugged her so tightly she couldn't breathe or when he stumbled around in surprise. Cassandra shocked him with her declaration. He'd never imagined this would happen. She lay on her back, propped up against the head board. Cullen was at her side, wrapped tightly around the bottom half of her torso. His head rested against her chest and she took the opportunity to run her fingers through his perfect golden curls.

"I love you. I am utterly and desperately in love with you, Cassandra Pentaghast." He whispered softly. Though she could not see his face, she could hear the smile, the curl of his mouth. She felt her own lips curl into a smile. "You've said that three times now, Cullen. Aren't you getting tired of it?" She questioned playfully. He chuckled and she felt his movements send vibrations through her.

"Professing my love for you? Never." He claimed with a deep longing cheer in his voice. He let out a long breath and breathed in her scent. Despite her demeanor and pretense, Cassandra was actually quite feminine. Her scent was one of those feminine things Cullen appreciated. She smelled of flowers and fresh soap. It never seemed to leave her.

"When did you find out?" He asked quietly. His hand drew patterns across her abdomen with his fingertips. It tickled slightly but Cassandra made no attempt to stop him. "Yesterday." She spoke gently as her hands brushed through his hair. "How did you know? You couldn't have met a physician in the middle of the Storm Coast." Cullen joked in response. He could not depart with her. He was so happy, so content.

Her news, while alarming, was exciting and joyous. At first he was shocked. He hadn't expected it. It hadn't really crossed his mind. Then he began to feel the pride and swelling of happiness at the idea of being a father. He could see their child already. Tiny and pink, with Cassandra's dark hair and his amber eyes. He'd never thought of anything more beautiful. He would be responsible for this life, this perfect innocence. He would have to teach he or she to walk, to speak, to swing a sword, to run, to read. There was so much in store for them and it was flooding him. He almost wanted to cry. He didn't think this life would ever happen for him.

In fact, after his experience in the Circle tower, he'd all but given up on finding any kind of love. He thought himself too damaged, too broken to ever earn the love, the trust and respect of a woman. Cassandra was different though. She was so unique compared to the other women he knew. She was more stubborn, more courageous, more determined than any woman he'd ever known. She was beautiful and admirable, though if one was too insistent with their adoration they may find themselves missing a hand or perhaps run through with her sword.

"I was sick a couple mornings in a row. And of course, I realized I was off schedule." She elaborated. Cullen winced at the statement. This made her laugh. She loved how easy it was to make him awkward and deterred from his task. "I am sorry." He decreed. He felt suddenly guilty. He was so happy about their child that he did not stop to think how she felt about it.

The child would change her more than anyone. Her body would change, her life would change, everything would be different. He couldn't expect her to feel the same, could he? "I am so sorry. This is going to change everything in our lives and I have not bothered to ask how you are feeling." He apologized and she shifted as her smile grew a little. "Do not apologize, Cullen. This is something we did together. As for how I am feeling, I am uncertain." She expressed. Cullen nuzzled further into her torso and clung to her. He wouldn't, couldn't, let her go.

"Physically, I am exhausted and nauseous. Nothing can cure the extreme headache that's plagued my last few days. But mentally, I cannot even begin to untangle my emotions." She told him. She was slightly out of breath at this. All of her feelings were building and swelling. She thought she might cry but the water works never came.

She took a breath and started again. "I am conflicted. I never wanted this life. A mother, a wife, a maid, a lady. It was not in me to be any of those proper womanly things." Cassandra couldn't help but rant and Cullen began to feel anxious at her words. "Now I am carrying your child and I see no happier life for myself than this one. This child brings me happiness but also great sadness. What happens when we must fight Corypheus? Will I be injured? Will our baby suffer?" Tears welled in her eyes as they did for Cullen. He could not bear the thought of sending her to their enemy so willingly as he might have before.

"I am worried yet thrilled. Happy yet sorrowful and still I cannot decide how I feel about it all." She felt Cullen's embrace tighten as he tried to block out the horrendous thoughts. "Cullen, what do we do?" She sighed as a tear strolled down her cheek. He looked up and kissed her jaw where the tear ended, forcing it away. "What do you want to do?" He whispered as her hands held his head close to her. "I cannot do such as other women in my position might and... dismiss the babe. It is against everything I believe. I would never." She told him certainly and he felt a bit of relief wash over him. He wasn't sure if she would rule that option out.

"Yet I cannot determine if it is something I want. I know well I am not prepared for motherhood but some part of me wants to be. For you, for our child I want to be a good mother." She explained and a grin grew on both their faces. She leaned her head back against the head board as he stared up at her. "You will be a wonderful mother. Our baby will grow up with two parents that love him more than anything. He will be surrounded by our friends, grow up in Skyhold, safe and happy." Cullen encouraged her. He sat up a little straighter to get the height advantage. "He?" Cassandra questioned with a bashful grin. Cullen chuckled at himself. He hadn't noticed his use of the word.

"You have made me a happy man, Cassandra but this is your body, your life as well, do not let me sway you in your choice. I may want this but if you do not-" Cassandra cut him off, pulling him down on her, kissing him wistfully. When she released him there was love and longing in her eyes. "I do. I do want this, Cullen." She admitted. An achingly huge smile molded on Cullen's face as he looked down on her. She was gorgeous. In this moment, he was seeing her for the first time all over again. Perfect glowing skin, short jet black hair, deep hazel nut eyes, elaborate and smooth curves. There was not an inch of her he did not love. Now there was more to her, more in her to love.

There was a child growing, living, taking form in her and it was precious. There was not a thought that could make him not love he or she in that moment. He bent and kissed her gently, slowly. He prolonged it. He'd never been so happy in his life. The feeling was overwhelming and all encompassing. Ever fiber of his being was being shot with pulses of joy and excitement. There was so much he wanted to say, to tell her but he could not form the words.

There were only three on his tongue and they ached to be free. "I love you." He let them slip out. Her face glowed with vibrance. She was as happy as he was and he could see it written all over her. "And I love you." Cassandra repeated as Cullen went back to his previous position. His fingers pulled at the end of her leather armor. He pulled it up slightly and his lips grazed the space below her belly button lovingly. He stayed there for a while, his cheek pressed gently to her stomach. A few moments later he pulled her shirt back down so she would not get cold. He felt her hands in his hair but they were unmoving.

"We're going to be parents, Cassandra." He marveled at the thought. He waited a moment for her response but none came. Her breathing was deep and it didn't take him long to realize that exhaustion had over come her and she'd fallen asleep. He laughed silently to himself and nuzzled against her. "I love you, both of you." He whispered before shutting his eyes and drifting off as well. He dreamt then about the days that he might play with their child in the meadow.