May The Dread Wolf Take You

Chapter Twenty Three: Maker's Breath

     Cullen stormed out of the room. He had to clear his head. His mind had been frozen by the threat posed to his family. She pulled him from the trance with her lips. They'd crashed into his in fierce acclamation. But he was distracted. He needed to be alone for a while, give himself time to think.

    He wanted to write to his sister; to tell her they would have the Inquisition's protection as long as Corypheus was a threat. She would write back in a few days to tell him not to worry over them, telling him they could handle themselves. Cullen knew better though. While Mia was strong and brave, for a domestic type of woman, she was not fighting material and would easily be hurt by the enemy's forces.

     He could not bear the thought. He went back to his quarters and composed his letter at his desk. He sent the guards out of the room. He needed to concentrate and having someone standing over him was not the way to do it. He set the quill to parchment and began to write.

       My Dearest Sister Mia,

             The Inquisitor has entrusted me with stationing troops throughout Thedas. I have used this opportunity to place some men in Redcliffe. They will be close enough to protect you and our younger siblings. I have been at odds with myself over this for a number of days but I had to do it. It is my duty to command the Inquisition's army but I am more bound to protecting my family. I cannot stand to think that any harm may come to you if I can prevent it. I know you will likely scold me for my worry and rashness in your correspondence but know that I had to do it. I had to put you all over my duty. It is impossible to focus on my job when all of my thoughts are on the welfare of my kin. I did it for you but I also did it for me. I hope our parents would be proud. I hope that you will also be proud to hear that I have stopped taking Lyrium. As a Templar it was an important part of my job but now it is required that I think holistically, that I use my emotions and heart to make important decisions. I cannot do anything without listening to my feelings. The Lyrium made me stronger but it made me feel things I could not bear. It brought back memories of a time I try so hard to forget. The Inquisitor supports me in this decision. I thank her for that. I should be taking it, to keep myself from becoming distracted but Lavellan has assured me that it is my decision and she will support whatever I choose. I've asked Cassandra to find someone to take over for me should I become incapable but she is stubborn and refuses. She so annoys me at times. At others she is simply more startling than anything. And sister, I have at last done something I told you I never would. You told me when we were young, the greatest feeling I could obtain was mother and father's approval, that nothing could matter more. At the time, nothing did. I know now that feeling is incredibly outmatched by something more. You know the feeling well, as did our brother before his wife passed, as I hope our youngest sister will someday. It has overwhelmed me entirely of late and I have no words to describe it. I don't even know what to call it yet but you can guess. If she knew I were writing these things to you, she'd have me hanged. Come to Skyhold. Not to meet her but to be safe. I haven't seen you three in years and I can't shake the feeling of your endangerment. Come stay with us until the war is won. Your medical skills will be appreciated and we always have the need for working men in Skyhold. Our siblings will be safe here. Mia I cannot stress the severity of the situation. To have you in danger is a knife in my chest and to pull it out would be to bleed to death with the uncertainty of not knowing you are safe. Please consider it. I will try to write to you more often. I know I have been gone too long and distant too often but you three, four counting our nephew, are all the family I have. I would like very much to see you if it is the end of the world we face. Give my love to our siblings, dear sister. I hope to hear from you soon, and to be in your presence not long after that.

             Your Ever Adoring Brother,

                                                           Cullen