May The Dread Wolf Take You

Chapter Four: Reckless

She didn't wait for Cassandra, Bull, or Dorian to catch up with her. As soon as they made it to the Storm Coast, she was gone. She ran down the path in a small fiery rage. She was angry. Angry at him, at herself, at the inquisition, at Corypheus, everything. She wanted a minute to let it out. She wanted to let it flow through her, from her, hopefully ridding her of it. However she didn't want her companions to see it. She torn through a few great bears before her confidence started to get the best of her. They stood by as she took on the creatures by herself. They were aware that something was wrong. She wouldn't tell them what it was or why she was so angry. She had to preserve her reputation. She couldn't look weak, especially in front of them.

After the first few, Lavellan fell to her knees. Her ax was the only thing holding her upright as she breathed in heavily. She wanted to scream, to release all of her frustration and feel better again but it wouldn't help. She stared up at the clouds through the trees and felt the light misting rain caress her face. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her breathing. After a moment the silence and calm was shattered as another bear stepped into her view. She eyed it. She didn't want to kill it. That time had passed. Her need to feel her ax in her grasp, swinging violently at something that threatened her was gone. But the bear was still here and it would not see her lapse in determination. As the bear began to charge, she whirled, spinning onto her feet again and brought the ax down sharply on the bears head.

The pommel struct it, aggravating the creature. It roared at her wildly, spitting saliva and the smell of its horrid breath over her. She grinned. The stench was terrible and stomach retching but she laughed at it as she struck the bear again, this time slicing its side with her blade. It cried out roughly. Cassandra, Bull, and Dorian began to rush at her, as if seeing the danger she was about to be in. She had become distracted as they raced to her giving the bear and opportunity to strike her. It swiped at her leg. Maeve cried out in pain and aggravation. She looked down at the large gashes in her pale leg and gritted her teeth. She knew her company was on their way but they would not make it time. The thing would be dead before they got here.

She got to her feet and swung the ax around towards the bear. She circled it, confusing it, and then as the monster became enraged, she brought the ax down. It stuck in the bears head and the animal went suddenly limp. She pulled the ax from its skull with a shout of determination and fell backwards to her knees again. She was out of breath and her arms burned with the energy flowing through her that had allowed her to swing and strike and pummel so easily. The energy was fading now but her heart hammered on. Cassandra was the first to reach her. "Inquisitor!" She shouted quite shocked by the spectacle she had just witnessed. She slid to a stop at Maeve's side and her eyes immediately went to the jagged edges of the gashes in her leg. "You're hurt!" She announced as a look of despair and concern washed over her. "Thank you for stating the obvious, Cassandra." Maeve told her harshly. She earned herself a sharp pain in her thigh, as Cassandra examined it for anything out of the ordinary. She looked at Cassandra, who had obviously caused the brief pain on purpose for her lashing out at her friend. A feeling of guilt washed over Lavellan. "Sorry." She mumbled. Cassandra nodded and gave a slight, accepting smile.

Iron Bull and Dorian had stopped running. They knew the Inquisitor could handle herself, and now four great bears apparently. "She's not well." Bull said to Dorian as they walked slowly to the other two. They were out of earshot. Lavellan would not hear their conversation. "Do you really have to say it, Bull? We're all thinking it." Dorian chastised with a grim look. "It's obvious, but she doesn't want anyone to know or see it. She doesn't think they'll understand and how could they? She is so different from everyone else. Closed off yet caring." He expressed. Bull eyed him curiously. "Been hanging around Cole recently?" He chuckled. Dorian returned his grin and bumped him with his shoulder as they approached the Inquisitor and Cassandra.

"Nice work, Boss!" Iron Bull commented when they finally reached them. Maeve did not say anything, just gave them a small forced smile and nodded her thanks. "It took you long enough." Cassandra scolded them. "Did you not see her in danger?" She questioned fiercely. Maeve was not in the mood to soothe whatever was irritating Cassandra. The fighting had taken it all out of her. Her energy, her anger, and her determination. All of it was gone. She felt as empty as she had when the day started. Cassandra ranted on about their incompetence for a few moments before Lavellan spoke again. "Enough." She muttered. The three of them turned on her in that moment, surprised to hear her say anything. "They didn't do anything wrong. I am fine. Any harm that has come to me was because of my own recklessness. Fortunately, I will survive." She continued but her tone was even and empty of any emotion beyond irritation.

Each of them gave her a curt nod and small smile. "Bull, please assist the Inquisitor back to her horse at the camp. We'll leave at dawn." Cassandra ordered. Maeve shook her head as Iron Bull went to pull her up by the arms. "I can walk. And I'd like to leave now, if that's alright with you." She requested as politely as she could manage. Cassandra's face contorted in opposition. "Inquisitor, you need to rest, to heal. Leaving before you can be properly looked at could be dangerous." She began as Maeve tied a cloth bandage around her thigh. The cloth soaked through with blood and she winced as she pulled it tightly into a knot. "And seeing as how you've just recovered from a serious illness, Inquisitor, I believe Cassandra may be right." Dorian interjected. "I wasn't sick." She defended, not sure why she felt the need to all of the sudden. "Wounded then. Whatever the case, your body needs time to heal and leaving now is not the way to achieve that." Dorian persisted as Maeve got to her feet. She wanted to run, to get away, but she knew her leg would not carry her. "It was not that kind of wound." She whispered. She didn't think they had heard her at first but as she looked up at them and began to walk back up the path, their stunned silence assured her that they had.

Being back in Skyhold was not as painful as she had expected. She did not see Solas on her way in and did not bother to look in on him as she passed the rotunda. Now, walking up the steps to her room, where she'll likely spend the rest of the day, she felt guilty and alone again. She sets her ax against the wall near the bed, and takes off the hard, strong metal portion of her armor, leaving her in the blue casual wear she usually was. She sits down on the edge of the bed with her back to the open balcony doors. She couldn't remember if she had actually left them open. She didn't care. The breeze felt good against her back. She looks down at the wrapping on her leg. Holding her hand over the wound, she can feel the heat radiating off of it. It needs to be changed. She thought to herself. She gets up to walk over to the table where she left some bandages more than a week ago but the sight by the balcony catches her eye. She can't bring herself to speak, to say his name. She has trouble even looking at him without falling apart. She doesn't want to look at him but has trouble looking away. The look on his face is guilt ridden, concerned, and wanting. The usual pride and confidence in himself has been stripped away. He looks broken. Almost as bad as I do. Maeve thought to herself. But that was impossible. He didn't feel the same. His motives were completely unknown but he had shattered her into a million pieces all the same. "Ir abelas, Vhenan. I had to come." His voice was harsh, not in a spiteful way but in a sore throat kind of way. The word stung her like a thorn in her heart, so sharp and tingly that it was hard to bear. She avoided his gaze. She could not meet his eyes out of fear of falling into tears. She walked to the farthest wall. She needed to be as far away from him as possible if he was going to be in the room with her. "There's something I need to tell you." Solas says finally.