Why Do Loyal Girls Cry The Most?

IT ALL LEADS TO HIM.

Unedited.

I woke up in the morning feeling heavy... well my eyes. It's as if I've been holding my tears for so long. I think it's all the tears that have fallen for one person. I felt like releasing it all out right there, but chose not to. I'm actually exhausted from all of this crying thing. Well they say it's a sign of weakness but for me crying helps, it's like it strengthens me whenever I pour out. My mind was clear. I forgot that I didn't think about him first thing in the morning. Well that's a first. After thinking about how I forgot to think about him just made me think about him!
My mind is now clouded. Why did he talk to me all of a sudden? Why did he try to reach out to me? Why did he even call me? It's funny how I ask the question that he should answer but instead I answer them on my own and put myself into a bad mood because of my assumptions.

But I think he still cares, I mean, he did text and call me. But, that doesn't really mean anything. Or maybe it does...?? We've been ignoring each other for 4 days now. I'm surprised that I've counted the days.

I reached out for my phone on the side of the bed...

*Two new missed calls*

I dial the number without thinking... Mistake! OH SHXT!

Jay: Wendy
Jay: ???

Like should I reply to this? Yes. I think so. I need to, for myself...

Wendy: Hi

Jay: What did I do wrong?

Wendy: SERIOUSLY...
Wendy: Guess

Jay: Uhm.. I dunno .. piss you off?

Wendy: Correct. I broke up with you remember..

Jay: C'mon do really think I'll give up like that

Wendy: Is that a question?

Jay: You broke up with me for nothing gee

Wendy: Aah correction.. It was for a reason

Jay: I told that there's nothing going on with me and that chick

Wendy: Oh, she wasn't the one on your display pic the other day?

Jay: What pic..

You've got to be kidding me!

Wendy: Nvm.. you're useless

Jay: I don't remember any pic

Too good to be true...

Wendy: Of course you don't Jay

Jay: C'mon bae

Bae? What ?

Wendy: Don't call me bae, I'm not yours anymore

Jay: I know I did things to piss you off but are u really gonna give up like that gee.. I love you Wendy

I love you too but If you love me why you hurting me?

Wendy: I'll always love you but I don't know...

Jay: let's try again then

Wendy: What?

Jay: I want you back..

Oh my word!!

Wendy: So I forgive you and we good again, that's how it goes right?

Jay: it's not going to be like that...

Wendy: Like what?

Jay: Don't make me beg gee and I miss you too

Wendy: I need to think though...

Damn right I do

Jay: Well think faster

Excuse me?

Wendy: Gimme some time..

Jay: Alright then cool

I hang up.
Well atleat he didn't do it first.. makes me feel good a little.

*********************

Hours upon hours. I've constantly been thinking about everything. Through the day we met and all the endless conversations we had on the phone, through us producing a plan or way for us to meet, through the nights I spent crying, through the days my mind went missing and total absentee. Through the times he made me smile, laugh... It all concludes that I can't ever let him go even if I wanted to. He's done alot in my life. He's made me the happiest girl but mostly the saddest lately. He took the best days of my life by spending them in my room shedding tears. Though, he had no idea of it all. Should I let him know? Would anything change? Does he care? Would he do anything about it?

Was he meant to be in my life for a reason? If so, what? Was his purpose to destroy my life? To make me think about us like we the only ones in the world, to make him my priority at all times? Of course he didn't sacrifice ... Well I guess. He's done nothing much to show he's putting a little touch in our relationship. It's me. It has always been me.

But he also showed me how to love again and to be loved. He made me feel like I'm capable of love and that I deserve it. Just by having a terrible day it takes a message from him to switch my mood around in a matter of 0,3 seconds. His presence is that influential. I only see him in this world, perks of me making him my everything. It's him, it always has been him.

But he also fills my mind with darkness, jealousy and confusion. He makes me think about certain things for nothing. Yes I said nothing, it's my assumptions. He's so powerful in controlling my mind. Making me pause and think. Be it at school, home, malls, in the car, with my friends and even crossing the road. He's dangerous I might add, I mean crossing the road? He might as well try to kill me. Speaking about death, without his love I feel like dying. I rather die than not to know if he doesn't love me anymore. I will never recover. Deep isn't it?

He's made jealousy my close friend recently. I won't go into it that much or else I'll transform myself into this jealous beast and ruin things.

Confusion? Haha, yes. People. People are the ones who are confused...

"But why do you have to put yourself into this?"

"Just dump him and date a fleshed boy.."

" How can you still love a person you've only met once?"

"Your too pretty to be treated like this too"

"You deserve more Wendy I don't understand why you still with him..."

This is what I've been hearing. Well first of all, to those people, I appreciate you thinking about me but I have to deal with it, I made a choice. Your opinions won't change anything. It's only up to me to change it. But only when I need to.

*************
I've decided to stop stalking him on Facebook. It brings nothing but negativity that fills my mind. I logged out of the account too. I'm tired of being worried about him when he's not worried about me.

I've decided that I'm going to let him know about my answer about taking his ass back or not. He needs an answer sooner or later...

@wendaelegit

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