Why Do Loyal Girls Cry The Most?

I THINK I'M HAPPY.

Unedited.

*A week later*

First of all, the Jacobs chick... yeah Thandi freaken Jacobs right? Well half of the issues I'm going through won't have existed if it wasn't for her. My life was easier, after she came into the picture she turned me into something I'm not. A jealous person. I hate to admit too, but so true. Like where was she before I met Jay? Why or when did she decide to pop in into my life and sabotage it. This is what I don't understand. It's something I want to think about yet doing so rips me up. I actually don't know where all this sudden anger is coming from either but I love it, hate her also.

It's him. He allowed it to happen, he chose to flirt back or whatever, he had a choice. The hardest thing about long distance is that you don't know if they'll miss you or forget you. I know forr a fact he does not deeply miss me. It's obvious. He only says the words he thinks I want to hear ...

"I miss you"

"Been thinking about you"

"Can't wait to see you again"

Of course there's more but of course I won't go much deep into it.

I hate the way he controls my moods. You might have wondered if I took him back, well yes I did, I mean my heart did. My mind was against it, but my heart won. Again. Always.

I've been bored for the couple of days. Not my life, my love life. I know I love him and all but sometimes it's not enough. The feeling between us isn't alive anymore. I don't love him like I used to.

It's not easy being me. I'm not like other girls. I'm uniquely different.

I CAN'T BE:
the girl that every guy wants.
the girl that everybody speaks of.
the girl that other guys wish their girlfriend's were.
the girl with a broad attitude.
the girl that goes out at nights clubbing and parting.
the girl that's well known to people.
the girl that has kissed multiple lips.
the girl that attracts cuter guys.
the girl that's bitchy but likeable.

I can't because I already know who I am.

I AM:
the girl that would patiently wait for what's to come.
the girl that protrays the good girl image.
the girl that's emotional but heartless.
the girl that chooses to stay home rather and chill.
the girl that has never stood a foot in a club.
the girl that cares alot.
the girl that stays away from temptations.
the girl that has dreams, dreams to prosper and to be happy.
the girl that stays true to her qualities.

I am that girl, she is her, her is Wendy.

A summarized version is simply me being a virgin at everything:

Smoking
Drinking
Partying
Sexual intercourse

But don't forget, I'm not naive like I used to be.

I know what I want in life and I'm not going to get anywhere with certain things. And I don't need none of this shxt too... I'm done being hurt over and over again. It's time to elevate and rise above PAIN.

It's about time I think about myself. Like, do I want to feel this way forever? And do I want this pain to end? The continues pain that destroys me slowly. He doesn't deserve me, my loyalty, honestly and my unconditional love. He won't ever find a girl like me, like ever... there's no other girl like me. I'm a blessing to him whether he knows it or not. Well, that beautiful blessing is about to expire since he's not appreciative. I know I've said I'm tired quiet a number of times, but seriously... I'M EXHAUSTED.

I'm done being his xbox that he can play with when he wants. I want to he taken seriously. Why can't we be like that? Be the couple that can't go a day without talking to each othet, the couple that will go their way to meet and see each other after a long while, the couple that's not afraid to expose their love.

Every single time that I'm on the verge of letting him go there's always a piece that draws me back to him. I guess that's why I'm here right now... I could have escaped and be painless if I moved on long ago. He's this evil magnet.

I guess it's also true what they day bout generically beautiful girls (sometimes you gotta compliment yourself because who will?) That they are the ones to get their heart treated the worst. That they are the easiest target for players. They also the ones that after being heartbroken badly then transforming into heartless hoes.

Take note: players turning good girls into hoes who then hurt good guys and turning them into players. It's a mad cycle.

**********
I know that I need to stop looking at things that are going to upset me. I need to protect my sanity. I can't live my life over a stupid boy. I cannot allow him to dictate what I should do in my life. I need to breathe firstly, fresh air will be needed. I'm about to exhale complete and utter bullshxt out of my system. He's a good example of BS. He's full of it.

Yeah, you might be wondering why I'm so sour of a sudden. It's because he was keeping me and almost preventing from thinking right. Yes, bring sour is a form of me acknowledging all the BS he has caused in my life. When I say BS it's mostly the break down and just being in pain.

*Moments later...*

After she planned 99 ways to murder Thandi Jacobs in her head she went to her room to get some sleep....
She oned her phone and started looking at the two pictures they have taken together...
She asked herself why can't they be like that everyday, being inlove with each other and being happy...
She went on BBM and paused and stared at his profile name...
She started cussing badly about how he has abused her mind and one thing lead to another...

SHE DELETES THE TWO PICTURES, HIM ON BBM & HIS PHONE NUMBER.

"Utter BS" is all she could say...

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@wendaelegit