Why Do Loyal Girls Cry The Most?

THE AFTERMATH.

Unedited.

I still don't get it.
How I figure things out last minute.
This is what I was thinking about earlier...

Forget about him. You were loosing sleep over a boy who is sleeping well, with a whole other girl in his mind. You were sitting there staring at your phone waiting for a text or call from him who is probably on the phone with the other girl.
You were posting sad posts on how hurt you were and you missed him... hoping he sees it but busy worrying about the other girl and her posts.
You were crying heavily over a boy but was making another girl smile right before. If you weren't the girl he was giving his all to , then he shouldn't be the boy that you are dedicated to. Truly that's how it is...

Lol, did I become genius overnight?
I know God for a fact answered my prayers to get me out of this misery.

The update on him?

Well, he called me several times. I hit that ignore button.
He surprisingly messaged me on Whatsapp... tryna talk to me and stuff. I read with no reply.
But, I ended up replying back.. stupid! I know!

Jay: "Wendy"

Wendy: "Yea"

Jay: "How you doing?"
(Better , since you've been gone)

Wendy: "Great u"

Jay: l"I'm cool gee
So you deleted me?"
(Duhh dude)

Wendy: "Obviously"

Jay: "But why?"
(You're an idiot)

Wendy: "I was tired.."

Jay: "Of what"
(Mainly you)

Wendy: "Us"

Jay: "So why did u have to delete me on bbm, we could have talked"

Wendy: "I'm not going to put up with you and your lying self... You didn't want to tell me the truth so"

Jay: "I'm not lying... she's just a friend I told you so many times... we're just close"
(Sick and tired of this lame excuse)

Wendy: "whatever"

Jay: "Yeah nothing happened"
(HAHA YOU'RE SO FUNNY)

Wendy: "okay"

Jay: "What's wrong with you"
(Nothing wrong, everything finally right with me)

Wendy:" just free..."

Jay: "Huh?"

Wendy: "from all of your BS"

Jay:" Lol really"

Wendy: "Fxck off okay, go chill with her just move on and leave me alone"

Jay: "Geez okay don't have to get mad.. but I can't move on I still love you"
(I'm no fool honey..)

Wendy: "Nice"

Jay: "You don't love me?"

Wendy: "don't know..."

Jay: "Okay cool"

****

Two hours later ...
he uploaded a pic of him and Thandi looking stylish. My heart sank. I knew he's lying bout her but seeing them together always hurts me. No matter how far I've come from moving on.
I later experienced a tear, not this again.

Why? Why do I have to go back to where I was after being finally pain free and moving forward?
Why does he have such huge power in controlling my mind and emotions?
Why can't I just forget bout him, that there will no longer be an "us" again?
Why do I have such a faithful heart?
Why am I being so loyal to a skunk bag?

WHY!!!!!!!? (crying)

He literally makes me bipolar.
I was so at peace 5min ago and after talking to him.. this had to happen.

It's funny how that I still wait for the day he'll tell me the truth, that yes, I was right in the sense that he was seeing her behind my back. That I wasn't hallucinating or anything. I feel like he'll eventually grow balls and tell me everything to the T .

Of course, I listened to more sad music, I cried too.. nothing new right? Will it ever change? Will I ever make it out happy? Will I ever be happy? Or will he always destroy my joy?

But, today I got answers... answers to what I've been asking myself:

1) How will it(our relationship)work?
There's nothing he'll work for. He'll never work to build anything that I made a foundation of. He'll allow you to make up your own conclusion and build it up by yourself. I did all the work . I was busy inputting something that will never give me an output.

2) Will they(we)last together?
At the beginning I didnt want to think about ever ending what we had. I wanted him to be mine forever, if I had it my way of course. No, we didn't last and we'll never last. We'll never be on the same page cause he's too busy reading another chapter(Thandie) while I'm stuck on the same damn page.

3) How will she cope?
She tried to be happy even through all the stir up of him cheating. She tried to find the one thing that will help her go through each day with, her imaging them being together and him in love with her from another world. Obviously another world, reality sucks. She prayed each night, crying of course .. asking God for a light to guide her to heal from the pain.

4) Does he really love her?
Yes. Jay did love her, only from the beginning. See, she met him at a time when he was not poisoned with the ways of society. Believe it or not, he was once loyal too. He started changing in the middle of thier relationship and when she fell for him the hardest. Bad timing.

5) Was her loyalty taken for granted?
She was being loyal for the wrong guy at the right time. Confusing it is. She was hoping he'll be faithful eventually, she kept waiting until signs appear letting her know something was up. He's cheating. She had all the right qualities but all for guy that will never appreciate them.

She also realised that she wasn't scared of commitment at all but afraid of wasting her time. She craved love for someone who would rather share it with someone else. She wanted him. All of him. So bad. But guess what? He didn't , he doesn't think about her, he has company already.
She alo realized that sometimes the way you think about a person isn't how they actually are.
This comes in two ways:

a) You either thought they were that bad but they convinced you that they actually good.
b) Or you either thought they were good but they convinced you that they actually bad.

Her scenario was the second one.
She realized that if he did it once, he'll do it again unless she leaves.

They say relationships sometimes don't work out because of bad timimg, but there's no such thing as bad timing. You either want it enough to make it work, or you don't. He failed at that miserably.

@wendaelegit.